How can I control my temper when I am so fatigue and tired?

God has already forgiven you for all past, present and future sins, His son Jesus Christ shed his blood for the remission of all of our sins, but It does not give us a license to continue sinning, we must change, but bear in mind that we are sinners since birth because of old Adam and it is natural to keep sinning but try to change, it seems you are a great daughter for taking care of your old mother who gave many years of her life since you were a baby for you, carried you in her womb, fed you, taught you how to walk and many more, so it is your duty from your heart as a compassionate human and loving person that you are to help your mom now that she needs you by her side, at the end if she goes on to the next life before you, because you are not certain if we are going to get up tomorrow, at least you going to look back and your conscience will feel and be at peace that you did your best you could and did not abandon her when she needed you the most, as for calling your mother names, just be strong and ask God for serenity and peace so that you do not utter names to your mom, the main thing though is to keep in mind and mostly in your heart to keep strong is your FAITH in God, just keep in mind that without FAITH it is impossible to please God. God Bless.

What wonderful people out there who are coping with far worse problems than I can imagine. Dementia must be the worst scenario and yet you are battling on! I too am not a natural caregiver and not very domesticated either it seems! Which my husband reminds me of all the time as I try to keep on top of things. Last week I really lost it and cracked up in floods of tears. A friend was here and tried explaining how I feel to my husband . I think it sort of sank in a little as he said last night " you are my guardian angel"! . The guardian angel with thoughts sometimes of murder or suicide or just running away! I know he loves me and vice versa but he just lashes out from feeling so ill. Must get help soon. Have joined a carers local group which may be helpful - I hope. The NHS cant do much - its overwhelmed . Will have to get some private care while
we still have some money . Good luck and bless all of you brave people.

We are only human, not perfect! It is quite a strain to be the sole caregiver ... Is it any wonder you get upset. But don't beat yourself up! You have enough on your plate without feeling guilty. Just think of all of the good things you are doing. Sometimes this can even be difficult because it seems so unappreciated.

I haven't been looking after my mom long but I do get frustrated. I pray every morning and night for the grace (God's empowerment ) to make it through the day. I am learning how to deal with the dementia which seems to be a daily mountain. I am doing my best and refuse to feel guilty, but I am repenting when I say the wrong. My mom is going to Adult day care 2 times a week and she socializing now. I am grateful to God for a little light at the end of the tunnel. Love to all.

Keeping it together is hard. I have been doing it for over a year for my husband after his stroke. I get outside for 10 15 minutes while he naps. Talk on the phone with a friend and take a vitamin B complex to help with energy. They are like taking care of our children but will never grow up. When I wish I was at the game or out on friday night with friends. I remind myself that this is all the time I will get for as long as it is. We get out and drive a leaf tour (looking at the changing colors). We are who we are, so during the week while school and work carry on, we get out anywhere, it helps both of us. Trapped is how you feel, if you dont enjoy the moments. He doesn't get as mad anymore, because he knows I am stepping outside or out of the room. He's been told I am human too. I have a heart. Walking away is easy, working together to enjoy life is harder.

You are causing yourself too much pain. I agree with Babalou. Check into nursing home care. You will be dead soon if this continues, she will die alone because you died first. You can get a good night's sleep then, and when refreshed, go into see her for a long period during the day, or go in to sleep in a cot or chair that will recline like a bed. They have these in hospitals. That way, you can sleep in her room at might and go home during the day.

please do not beat yourself up because you lost your temper and said something unkind to your mother. God has already forgiven all your sins if you believe in Jesus Christ and have asked him to be your savior. We do lose her temper we lose our self control and we say things that we don't mean even after we become believers in Jesus. You are a loving, wonderful daughter who has been caring for her mother for a long time. I just want you to know that the Lord loves you and he is not condemning you because you said something unkind to your mother 2 times in 8 years. Trust Jesus, do not let the devil condemn you because the Bible says that Jesus did not come to condemn us, but to seek and to save us , to seek and save the lost. The other comments are excellent if you can find some help even if its for an hour or two a week and keep your faith.

Understand totally.... every caregiver, if they are honest, goes through these feelings at times. Am a caregiver for mom for the last 13 years until 2 weeks ago - plenty of siblings - just NO help at all, it was all left to my husband and I because we were the "youngest" in the family. Mom had BM issues also, people just don't realize how horrible that is on top of dealing with dementia, depression, and anxiety. Finally we called our counties mental health dept for seniors, had a 7-10 day inpatient evaluation done for her that Medicare covers and they were able to help me place her in a personal care home that was affordable where she is absolutely having a great time. She is not the same person that my husband and I took care of, she is with others her age and it makes her extremely happy, of course the new drugs that she is taking are helping her adjust. Find the help you need - call every organization you can, if they cannot help you, ask for their suggestions... Keep looking - help is out there - don't give up!! Also, vent - this is a good board to do it on - we all go through some crazy things with our loved ones, it is nice to know we are not alone.

Check our care site to get some help. There are caregivers here that are inexpensive.. Also check to see if your mother or father or if she was married again her husband were in the armed services. VA will pay for Aid in Attendance to the tune of about $1100 per month for a veteran's widow.

1st of all...you are not going to be punished! We all get tired (even getting ourselves ready). Realize she most likely doesn't know what she' doing & doesn't have the mental capacity to understand. She's not consciously doing this. Relax a little. Once the task is done, thank her for helping you. It might also help to find someone to spell you for even time to get a cup of coffee. You are going to burn out & won't be able to help her let alone.

It's hard, i am also going through the same situation, i been tried mentally, physically for a long time and my finances are bad also. I hear good praises from peoples all the time about what i'm doing but no one wants to give me a break. I pray all the time for help. God haven't forsaken you or me. Call your state agency concerning long term care for your family member for maybe daycare -the family member will stay there for a few hours a day through the week, direct service worker (home sitter) who stays there for maybe up to 36 hours a week depending on there needs. Stay strong and don't stop praying God loves you

Thank you all for your support. I working now on myself. I talked with my brother and told him I need to have some sleep. My brother knows about my health issues (chronic fatigue, prediabetic and suspect of having leukemia ) and he agreed to take mom for few days. but I am concerned about moms dignity and privacy. I am not feeling good about that how my brother will take care of her hygiene. should I agree or not. Am I going to my mother in embarrassing situation. Is this wrong? Please any advice ASAP.

Yes, let him care for her. If it makes you more comfortable, you can spend a day coaching him. Then realize that you are important. You are more than a tool that keeps your mother alive. And your brother may not be perfect, but he knows how to dial 911 if there is an emergency. Now GO! Don't talk yourself out of it. We often think that no one can provide as good of care as we can, but that keeps us caught in a trap, not getting respite. You are as important as your mother, Hope, so take that time for yourself and don't even think about worrying yourself into cutting it short.

Thanks JessieBelle but I am asking about he will bath her. he is a male even he is her son. do you think this is proper? I do not want to put mom in a situation God will punish me or make me feel embarrassed.

I think it is totally okay for a male to bathe a female. God would not punish a good thing. God is loving.

Thank you for your quick answer. I really needed it I was questioning myself for couple of days. I hesitated then I agreed. I am really exhausted and tired mentally and emotionally and physically, I need to recharge myself to help mom. I do love mom very much. I can not see the world without her. Thank you again

Hope and probe: What you are experiencing is caregiving burnout. We cannot, in any way be effective caregivers if we fall ill from burnout ourselves. Hope, you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT CONTINUE on going on 2-3 hours a sleep per night. Both of you, please seek help starting first with your town's Council on Aging asap.

I don't know why siblings don't help- mine are downright hostile, criticize everything I do, don't believe anything I say - give me no credit at all. And no help. Amazing..

God bless you. You simply need time off, yet finding it is tricky.

First of all, quit beating yourself up. You are overworked, emotionally upset and just plain exhausted. Seek help from your doctor right away. You may be able take some kind of anti -anxiety or depression medication, which does wonders. And also talk to your mom's doctor. You also need some relief from your task.
there are support groups available - someone in this chat group may be able to give you more specific answers as to where to find support. You are not a mean or bad person. They say God gives us only what we can handle...but sometimes He really pushes the button..tell Him so. He will guide you to a solution, You cannot continue to do all of this yourself. Prayers , Luann30

You need help and please know that God is a good and understanding God - you are not only forgiven but have probably by now have earned your angel wings.
Please take some of the advice others have given and get some help and some rest.

God will forgive you AGAIN & AGAIN & AGAIN! Just ask him! He loves you, and this is a trial through which we must persevere. He will reward us -- maybe not on earth, but definitely in heaven! Our time as old will hopefully come too, so I try to treat my husband as I would want to be treated... doesn't always work, but it's a start. Just have to put one foot in front of the other, let go of the negativity, and BREATHE!

You are a saint. 8 years? Everyone looses their temper occasionally. After 10 years,I'm still not used to the demands my significant other's situation places upon me. He lies to the Agency on Aging people and I am constantly in tears from the frustration of dealing with outside people who suspect abuse when he falls and hurts himself and tells them I did it. A nervous breakdown would have been in my future if I had not sought out a therapist to learn how to deal with him and the entire situation. Ask you doctor for a referral so you can vent your frustrations and relieve the tension on yourself and at home. Believe me, it really does help.

I know the feeling all too well. I'm certain that if you had help you would have called them by now. Talk to your mother's doctor (primary care physicisn). Find out how to go about admitting her into an environment such as long term care. You are not equipped to handle the needs of your mother. I know this sounds cruel but, as an experienced CENA, HHA, ans caregiver for my mother, I know how stressful it is. Once your mother has been placed in the facility, make sure she has all of her favorite snacks. Your mother will always feel abandoned whether at home with you or at the facility. This has nothing to do with freeing yourself to live your life, but everything to do with stopping the slippery slope towards mental abuse you are headed for. Take care of yourself.

As an experienced CENA and HHA, I can tell you that all nursing homes are not created equal. Prior to admitting your loved one, please get his/her finances in order. One thing you should do is put life insurance policy (which he /she should have) in your name. Second, sign him/her up for Legal Shield. Third, have Legal Shield set up a Will, and Durable POA. After you have completed these things, have your loved one's primary care physician order a health assessment and let him\her know that you're interested in having your loved one placed into long term care.

I have seen some people come into nursing homes and blossom because they see other people they can relate to, i.e. age, needs, illness. Make sure you surround your loved one with family portraits, portraits of favorite times in his/her life.

I loved all of my patients whom I cared for while working in the caregiving field. I would visit with them and hold conversations with them. I would bring them snacks if they could have them. It was not a perfect scenario but I truly believe caregivers like myself prolonged peoples' lives with as much dignity as possible.

Unless one is trained in caregiving hw/she has no clue as to what to do. Even when one has experience and becomes a caregiver for a loved one, it is extremely challenging. With that ssid, I am praying for you and your mother, her physician and your brother who stepped up to help. I have one sibling out of 7 who helps take care of my mom. My mom does not have dementia or is incontinent, but I still have to see about her 10 hours a day. Even though it is hard to imagine your mom in a nursing home, do all you can to make sure she is comfortable.

Thank you all for your support and compassion. I took my mom and left her with my brother. he is living 100 miles away from me. my brother will take care of her for few days. I feel bad to mom because I never wanted my brother to take care of mom bathing and hygiene. I never wanted to put mom on this. I am crying now for this. I know eventually someone else should help me in taking care of mom. I feel I am missing mom very much. I feel I can not live without her. is this contradiction. when she is with me and I overworked I want to be out of this and I feel I am trapped. now I feel I want mom. then I remember how would be my day if mom with me. then I start having a lot of conflict feelings. I just wanted to vent my feeling.

hope14, i think it's perfectly normal to be very confused about everything when we are dead tired and in the eye of the hurricane!! i know at times, i really felt like i was looooosing my mind!!! it's all the stress...makes us crazy, we feel guilty, we beat ourselves up...it's so hard and soooo confusing. i know i made huge changes when i hit my WALL!!! i think sometimes it takes us hitting that wall before we can make a change that will help us...or we just might go crazy!!! keep crying, keep feeling, sleep, sleep, sleep..YOU WILL FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU'RE RESTED!!!

Hope... Your feelings are valid... As much as I complain about my mother, I love her dearly... I find myself in the same position as you. They are our one and only mother. No one can understand or even know what occurs between the two of you... It is bittersweet. But, your mother will be fine and you'll bothe appreciate each other more when you reunite. But, give yourself a beak... I left my mother 3 weeks ago on a last minute trip for Europe of all things... She did just fine... Your mom will also and your brother needs to learn what you go through (take advantage of this situation and get some much needed rest!

Dear God: Please help Hope with her heavy, emotional burden of caring for her mother, whom she loves dearly. She cannot continue like this, else she falls ill from stress. Let her brother give her respite that she so desperately needs. Amen