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Sadly, my mother (73) has Stage 4 Breast Cancer that metastized in 2021 to her collar bone. She had a round of radiation and has been managing up until now on Faslodex and Everolimus but it's unfortunately slowly progressing in some lymph nodes.
All while this has happened, she was diagnosed with PD in 2023. Since getting on Levodopa, and a slew of other meds for other things, she has cognitively declined and her PD has sadly affected her (incontinence, memory issues, and PD impulse control) to the point where she is a 24/7 needs person now.
After speaking with her oncologist and a neurologist, they rec that my mom probably should consider stopping her cancer treatment since the Parkinsons meds are impacting her ability to be independent and function optimally. I don't think my mom is actively dying but I have seen my mother go from a very independent hard headed person, to a completely different person - she is no longer this big scary "mom" to me. Shes often anxious, unsure, has moments of memory loss, and is more focused on her tv shows than going out for a run. It's like shes a kid again - she even has started to confabulate when we know shes taken chocolate from our kitchen.
I want the best for her, but I'm not quite sure what that means? Even if the cancer is still spreading, I don't want her in pain. Won't stopping mean the cancer could give her pain? But when shes suffering from her PD, I feel awful for her. The struggling to get up, to even turn around and sit is at least a 15 minute activity, and the look of panic when she can't get to the bathroom is just awful to witness. Compounding this all with cancer treatments just seems like it's prolonging the inevitable and it seems like it would be...i dunno, putting her through more work when she'll just get worse with her PD.



Has anyone else experienced this dilemma or situation with a LO? I tried looking in the search bar and found similar posts, but I couldn't narrow down the posts to PD AND Cancer care advice and was hoping to get insight from others.
I have medical POA for my mom and have experience with having to let go of my father when he was in the ICU years ago but...I just don't know exactly what to do now...since it just feels like I'm trauma responding in my brain and can't think when considering having to make a similar choice for my mother.
Any advice or similar stories would be absolutely welcomed. Thank you.

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If this were me, I'd stop the cancer drugs and just deal with the PD which is progressive and life threatening alone. Cancer treatments negatively affect the quality of an already compromised life, and it sounds like it's not working anyway. I'd want what's left of my life to be as pain free and comfortable as possible. What does mom want?

Best of luck with a difficult situation.
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falling2uplol Dec 28, 2025
Thank you for the encouragement - my mother is currently not on her treatments anymore - she is getting pallative care albiet, she is still "okay" - not actively dying and doesn't need a change in meds, but I know it will eventually change.

So far, she seems to be less frazzled or "strung out" from the injections but I know that may change as well. She seems content that life is what is and that she just takes it a day at a time.
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I would take her off the cancer treatment. She can't be cured, and the cancer treatment will just make her more miserable. The doctor may tell you it is time for hospice - to treat her to keep her comfortable. Sounds like there is not a lot that can be done for her. I personally would not want to suffer through cancer treatment and PD.
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ElizabethAR37 Dec 22, 2025
Agreed. At soon to be 89 I absolutely would NOT want to suffer through the end stage of either disease--let alone both. But that's me. The choice is mom's (to the extent that she can make her wishes known) and yours.
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My husband stopped. He was only 51. He was sweet and we got to finally have "him" back. If there is no cure or odds are low, stop. It's a much better goodbye. I am so sorry.
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falling2uplol Dec 28, 2025
I'm sorry your husband went through this type of decision too - but it's good to know you got him back even for the length he was still here. Thank you for sharing.
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I don’t have a similar story with my mother. She had a four year long horrible existence following a hemorrhagic stroke and its enormous damage. She wasn’t necessarily in pain, but undoubtedly would have preferred death to the life she was left with. My dad chose home hospice and was kept comfortable and pain free until he died. I’d highly recommend it anytime you’re concerned about pain. I’m sorry you’re in this position and that mom’s had such a long road, you both must be so very tired. Wishing you much strength and peace
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falling2uplol Dec 14, 2025
Thank you kind stranger for sharing your thoughts and experience.
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It certainly sounds like your mother would now qualify for hospice care in your home, and if needed later in a facility. They will make sure that she is kept pain free and comfortable until she leaves this world for the next.
Your mother is dying, that's a fact. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it will be soon enough whether from her cancer or PD, and the most important thing now is keeping her as comfortable and pain free as possible so she can enjoy(best she can)whatever time she has left.
Hospice will have a nurse come to your house once a week to start and aides to come bathe her about twice a week. You will also have access to their chaplain, social worker and volunteers. Plus they will supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications all covered 100% under your mothers Medicare.
I would at this point research the hospice agencies in your area and then have them come out to do an assessment to see if she would qualify for their services. I'm betting that she would.
My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life, so even though to qualify for hospice the doctor has to believe that your mother will die in 6 months, that doesn't always mean that they're right as only God knows the day and time that He will call your mother Home.
I wish you well as you now do what is best for your mother.
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falling2uplol Dec 14, 2025
Thank you for your reply.

I appreciate your experience and the points you've wrote.

Knowing she is dying has never scared me - sadly, when the cancer returned for her after 15 yrs of remission I had made peace with what the outcome will be.

It just makes me want to make sure that she is in the least pain as possible as you pointed out. I appreciate your words.
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Call and get Hospice services for your mom now!
She is declining and doctors recognize that there is nothing more to be done to improve her health or overall quality of life.
Hospice will make sure to keep her comfortable with paid meds, and take care of her personal care needs if she is in a hospice care facility, or send a visiting nurse to your home and attendant care for bathing weekly.
My mother was 62 when she was diagnosed with cancer. It had already metastasized and spread to her lungs. She went downhill very fast and died two months later.
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TrishaAlvis Dec 29, 2025
💔🙏🏻🕊️❤️
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This is not the same at all but - when my mother was in the nursing home during the final months of her life I struggled with what to do about a small skin cancer on her chest that had ulcerated. Was it worth the effort to treat it? Would the doctors even bother trying? It seemed to me it must be painful, and when I asked she acknowledges that it did hurt. What to do? I decided to ask my mom what she wanted to do and felt the burden of choice lifted when she gave me a direct answer - leave it alone. (It may help you to know that she was pretty much non verbal by this point). So, I'm suggesting that talking this over with your mother may help you, part of her may be more lucid than you imagine.
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falling2uplol Dec 14, 2025
Thanks for your story - that must have been really hard to see such changes in your own mother.

The struggle is really real and you bring up a good perspective on communicating. I have talked with my mom on this situation, but I'll continue to.
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I can’t give a comparable story, as my M died of cancer aged 78 (with me beside her bed) after choosing no more treatment. I can say what I would choose for myself. It is to exit this life with no pain, with my best brain until close to the end, and with the least problems to the people I love. What do you think of this?
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falling2uplol Dec 14, 2025
Thanks for the honest reply.

I think that I would choose the same - I wouldn't want to burden my family but I also would want to be able to be with them in a safe and loving environment for however long I have.
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When she made you her medical POA, did she tell you what her own philosophy or approach or wishes were in terms of to what degree she wanted to pursue treatment or seek length of life vs palliative care? Sadly, she has two terminal conditions plus cognitive issues.

For myself, I agree with Margaret. And luckily for me, both my parents were very clear that they did not want vigorous pursuit of extending life. (I was POA and health care proxy for my dad who passed 18 months ago and am still for my mom).

Given that she now needs 24/7 care, where does she live? You mention “our” kitchen.

You might want to look into hospice. It was a godsend for my dad.

I am so sorry for what you are going through and wish you peace. You sound like a very thoughtful person and daughter. I hope you have a lot of support for yourself.
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falling2uplol Dec 14, 2025
Thank you for your reply. I'm just slowly getting to them all.

The POA does have her wishes explained - they boil down to she doesn't want to prolong anything if it's clear that its terminal and wants to be as pain free as possible. When I ask her about it now, we've had several conversations where I have asked her what she wants, she still leans in that direction of thinking which I'm glad for but also sad for.

Currently I take care of her in my home with my spouse. It's been a very challenging time - I've had to learn a lot not just about her diseases, but about her too. I think she has had to learn more about me too.

We're actually in contact with Pallitive Care and I know I can ask them for advice but I just really wanted to hear from other people too. To get some perspective that isn't directly from a team of medical people first. It just helps me understand what other people go through.

Thank you for your thoughts - I really appreciate you saying I sound like a thoughtful person and daughter cause I don't always feel that way about myself.
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She might be more comfortable quitting the cancer meds, especially if they involve painful injections. I would break the decisions down for her (Do you want to quit the cancer med shots?) but I’d also sounds like she has told you in many different ways that prolonging a life of suffering, and further suffering, was never something she wanted. She might be relieved to be off the cancer drugs and getting more support from hospice.
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