Sadly, my mother (73) has Stage 4 Breast Cancer that metastized in 2021 to her collar bone. She had a round of radiation and has been managing up until now on Faslodex and Everolimus but it's unfortunately slowly progressing in some lymph nodes.
All while this has happened, she was diagnosed with PD in 2023. Since getting on Levodopa, and a slew of other meds for other things, she has cognitively declined and her PD has sadly affected her (incontinence, memory issues, and PD impulse control) to the point where she is a 24/7 needs person now.
After speaking with her oncologist and a neurologist, they rec that my mom probably should consider stopping her cancer treatment since the Parkinsons meds are impacting her ability to be independent and function optimally. I don't think my mom is actively dying but I have seen my mother go from a very independent hard headed person, to a completely different person - she is no longer this big scary "mom" to me. Shes often anxious, unsure, has moments of memory loss, and is more focused on her tv shows than going out for a run. It's like shes a kid again - she even has started to confabulate when we know shes taken chocolate from our kitchen.
I want the best for her, but I'm not quite sure what that means? Even if the cancer is still spreading, I don't want her in pain. Won't stopping mean the cancer could give her pain? But when shes suffering from her PD, I feel awful for her. The struggling to get up, to even turn around and sit is at least a 15 minute activity, and the look of panic when she can't get to the bathroom is just awful to witness. Compounding this all with cancer treatments just seems like it's prolonging the inevitable and it seems like it would be...i dunno, putting her through more work when she'll just get worse with her PD.
Has anyone else experienced this dilemma or situation with a LO? I tried looking in the search bar and found similar posts, but I couldn't narrow down the posts to PD AND Cancer care advice and was hoping to get insight from others.
I have medical POA for my mom and have experience with having to let go of my father when he was in the ICU years ago but...I just don't know exactly what to do now...since it just feels like I'm trauma responding in my brain and can't think when considering having to make a similar choice for my mother.
Any advice or similar stories would be absolutely welcomed. Thank you.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
So far, she seems to be less frazzled or "strung out" from the injections but I know that may change as well. She seems content that life is what is and that she just takes it a day at a time.
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Your mother is dying, that's a fact. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it will be soon enough whether from her cancer or PD, and the most important thing now is keeping her as comfortable and pain free as possible so she can enjoy(best she can)whatever time she has left.
Hospice will have a nurse come to your house once a week to start and aides to come bathe her about twice a week. You will also have access to their chaplain, social worker and volunteers. Plus they will supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications all covered 100% under your mothers Medicare.
I would at this point research the hospice agencies in your area and then have them come out to do an assessment to see if she would qualify for their services. I'm betting that she would.
My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life, so even though to qualify for hospice the doctor has to believe that your mother will die in 6 months, that doesn't always mean that they're right as only God knows the day and time that He will call your mother Home.
I wish you well as you now do what is best for your mother.
I appreciate your experience and the points you've wrote.
Knowing she is dying has never scared me - sadly, when the cancer returned for her after 15 yrs of remission I had made peace with what the outcome will be.
It just makes me want to make sure that she is in the least pain as possible as you pointed out. I appreciate your words.
She is declining and doctors recognize that there is nothing more to be done to improve her health or overall quality of life.
Hospice will make sure to keep her comfortable with paid meds, and take care of her personal care needs if she is in a hospice care facility, or send a visiting nurse to your home and attendant care for bathing weekly.
My mother was 62 when she was diagnosed with cancer. It had already metastasized and spread to her lungs. She went downhill very fast and died two months later.
The struggle is really real and you bring up a good perspective on communicating. I have talked with my mom on this situation, but I'll continue to.
I think that I would choose the same - I wouldn't want to burden my family but I also would want to be able to be with them in a safe and loving environment for however long I have.
For myself, I agree with Margaret. And luckily for me, both my parents were very clear that they did not want vigorous pursuit of extending life. (I was POA and health care proxy for my dad who passed 18 months ago and am still for my mom).
Given that she now needs 24/7 care, where does she live? You mention “our” kitchen.
You might want to look into hospice. It was a godsend for my dad.
I am so sorry for what you are going through and wish you peace. You sound like a very thoughtful person and daughter. I hope you have a lot of support for yourself.
The POA does have her wishes explained - they boil down to she doesn't want to prolong anything if it's clear that its terminal and wants to be as pain free as possible. When I ask her about it now, we've had several conversations where I have asked her what she wants, she still leans in that direction of thinking which I'm glad for but also sad for.
Currently I take care of her in my home with my spouse. It's been a very challenging time - I've had to learn a lot not just about her diseases, but about her too. I think she has had to learn more about me too.
We're actually in contact with Pallitive Care and I know I can ask them for advice but I just really wanted to hear from other people too. To get some perspective that isn't directly from a team of medical people first. It just helps me understand what other people go through.
Thank you for your thoughts - I really appreciate you saying I sound like a thoughtful person and daughter cause I don't always feel that way about myself.
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