I put my mother into assisted living in August. She will be 88 this year and is in good health with the exception of some arthritis and minor dimentia.
I will be honest in saying that i love my mother but she has been a sarcastic and manipulative person all of her life. She can also be very dramatic. She has lived with me for the last 20 plus years and really never made an effort to associate or have a life outside of controlling me. She was never mean but knew how to push my buttons.
I could give many more details but I won't unless asked.
Anyhow, this assisted living facility is fantastic. It is beautiful, clean, and they serve 3 meals a day. Compared to others I looked at this is like the Hilton Hotel!
My mother will NOT get up and walk across the hall to eat meals. She refuses to get up and go to breakfast, 9 times out of 10 will not go to lunch and now I find out she has them bring dinner to her room. She may eat 1/4 of it and throw the rest away. She will not make any effort to participate in activities.
There is nothing wrong with her stomach or appetite. She is able to walk.
My mother has me bring her Quaker Oats cereal bars with yogurt 2-3 boxes a week and ice cream. She has no problem eating these.
Sorry to ramble but this past weekend when I was there (she is 1/2 mile away so this is often) she had not gone to any meals that day and told me that when they brought her dinner they mentioned to her that her daughter was going to be upset with her not coming for meals and she looked at me with a very smug look and said "I told them I don't care".
I was quite hacked and replied that if she didn't care then neither did I and I left.
I think my mother knows exactly what she is doing.
This angers me because we went through a LOT of trouble to get her into this place. She makes no effort at all to be the least bit happy.
I did not expect her personality to change but her big complaint before going was that she was left home alone too much (I have a life).
My question is that I am torn. At 88 do I just take her the snack crap food to eat when she tells me she wants it and just be happy she's alive or stop taking this stuff and hope that she'll go for meals??
Someone suggested taking a cereal bar away for each meal she doesn't go eat.
I love my mother but I am not liking her much anymore.