Can I contact the Department of Family and Children Services for some official help for my mother without anyone knowing is was from me?

Follow
Share
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
7

Answers

Show:
To add to alwayslearning's comment, photo document your mom's place and include the pictures in a formal letter, detailing all of your concerns, that you send to all your siblings. If they still refuse to see reality, then you will know you have done all you could as far as they go and you can proceed with social services or whatever else with no feeings of guilt.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Even if you're sure your siblings won't help, whatever you mean by help, I recommend that you keep them informed -- just the facts, ma'am, but all the facts -- so that in the end you aren't "rewarded" with out-of-left-field accusations from them based on ignorance. First announce that you're just going to report what you see and what you do, that you're not expecting anything back but want them to be aware; then do it. You don't know how it will shift things, but it might, and in any case it will help protect you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

RLP, it's tough to stand alone but you're going in the right direction. Adult Protective Services may not have all the answers but doors will continue opening as you push on. A few years ago, I got a call from a friend of my Aunt's --- she was worried about my Aunt's strange behavior. Then my sister got a call from her attorney's office. Who else is there to call except APS? I can't say the caseworker solved our problem but she helped us to think things through. My sisters finally hired a geriatric case manager who helped us decide how to help her. She, also, befriended our Aunt and walked her through the process of going into assisted living.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You're in a tough spot, RLP. If her hoarding poses a safety and health risk to her, you almost have no other options but to get social services help for her. She will never hear the message if it comes from you. Whatever you decide to do, good luck in getting her the help she needs as soon as possible.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Mother's hoarding and drinking issues at 84 are a big family secret. People either don't know and my siblings either drink as much as she does or live far away. Mom is not safe. She had a brain injury four years ago and is getting worse daily. I am the only child living near her and and have had two heart attacks.. I promised my father that I would look after her when he died. I have tried everything I know to help her without being confrontational or critical. Her hoarding is frightening, her house is truly dirty, and she is hiding her drinking from me again. She eats things that are a month old and becomes furious when you try to bring food that is fresh. I know she is a child of the Depression Era, but her father still had a very good job and she did not go hungry. I think there are many issues here that need to be reviewed by a doctor, but she never tells them the truth. I don't know where else to turn except social services. I am open to suggestions, though. Know that my siblings (who are much older) will not help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Relatives or friends might be far better than involving state employees. Ask any caregiver who has done battle with the state over caregiving issues.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My answer is based on having worked for DFCS many years ago.

Call from a pay phone. Ask for Adult Protective Services or Senior Services.

Tell them you are calling as a concerned friend or neighbor who would prefer to remain anonymous.

Give SPECIFIC information that shows concern for her welfare, for instance:
She has been seen out of doors not properly dressed (such as in her nightfgown when its below freezing)
She has unexplained injuries (cuts, bruises, etc)
Living conditions are such that they put her at risk (such as vermin, rodents, too many pets)

Make a list before you call.

I once considered this step with my own mother when she was defying my efforts to help her and I was truly concerned for her safety. Instead I called in two male relatives and only then would she let me in.

Good luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions