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My 89 year old Mom has Alzheimer's. She is down to 85 pounds but has a pretty good appetite and is incontinent. I have aides in the home during the day (while I'm at work) and I'm told she'll ask where I am throughout the day. When I get home, she'll repeatedly call for me. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, she shouts out my name. I'll tell her I'm going to clean or do laundry and have her repeat what I'm doing hoping she'll remember but she still shouts out my name (every 10 minutes). If iI ask her if she needs anything, she'll say she just wanted to know where I was or what I was doing (if I'm home, are you upstairs.....). Very frustrating to say the least. I'm guessing she doesn't recall shouting my name but, is there any way to stop this?

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NCPD75: I agree w/Moxie. Think about your life and future with gf ...it's time for your mother to go to NH. With that said, do check out the NH's in your area. You can visit her - every day of the week if you like, perhaps an hour visit. You leave and now have the rest of the day/evening to enjoy on your own or with gf.
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ncpd, I don't think you are in a conditional relationship at all. I think your gf has really been very supportive of you for a long time, but this disease is hard to bear and your mother has reached the point where, probably it is best to place her. You see, if you do that, your mother won't be calling out for you at the facility and you and your gf will have privacy at home and can have a more normal relationship without being under the constant stress of caring for your mother. I also think you need to consider if you value your relationship with your gf or not. Marriages and other relationships have broken up over the care of a Alz patient. Please think this over carefully. There was another poster here whose 14 year relationship was destroyed by the same thing when she chose her mother over her partner. Do you want your GF to be there for you when your mom is gone? Would your mom have wanted you to sacrifice your relationship and happiness with a significant other for her? I don't think so. Your GF is NOT wrong. She wants a normal life with you. You have the ability to give that to her while still making sure your mother gets excellent care in a skilled nursing facility. Or you can go on being stubborn about keeping your mother at home and continue having an incredibly stressful homelife and then your mom will die and you may or may not have a gf then. And know this, your mother would be well cared for in a SNF. Probably better than she is being cared for at home - she would see different people, be taken to activities and have all of her needs met. Think carefully. You are at a crossroads with your gf and she may not be willing to wait for you much longer. When you are in a relationship, your gf SHOULD be your primary concern, not your mother.
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Thanks for you responses. When th aides are here with Mom, they spend all of their time with Mom (their job). I have a two sided issue. Things need to be done around the house (cleaning etc....) and the other issue is my girlfriend gets upset if my time revolves around my Mom. I hear: "We don't get any alone time", " I can't stand hearing her constantly calling your name".......I joking said I should change my name to "OWEN!!" from the movie Throw Momma from the Train. I guess there isn't apt I can do. My gf wants me to place Mom in a home and, in essence, I'm being given an ultimatum. Horrible to think I'm in a "conditional" relationship.
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I'm sure this is very frustrating for you and it sounds as if you do everything you can to pacify your mom and let her know where you'll be in the house so she doesn't feel the need to call out for you all the time. I think you're right, she doesn't recall you telling her where you're going to be even if she repeats it back to you in that moment. The information just evaporates in her mind.

I wish I had a solution for you. I just wanted to stop by and lend my support. You work full-time and care for your mom with Alzheimer's. That can't be easy but it's very admirable. I hope you find a solution to this problem.
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I visit a lady in a nursing home who has Advanced Alzheimers. She calls out which is a scream. I look at her and see that she is very anxious. I tell her who I am and that I am happy to see her and try to reassure her. Sometimes I stroke her hair. I think that it's important that I'm not anxious when I deal with her. I am able to joke with her and she will smile and sometimes whisper a word under her breath. It helps to spend time with her and to just hold her hand. No one has been able to tell me why she screams. I know that her companion says that sometimes she is asked to leave an activity with the broader popululation of elders if she screams. However, this is not the reaction of staff when she is at an activity in her unit which provides care to persons with Alzheimers. I know that she likes music activities and this engages her and sometimes she sings along. I hope that the aides spend time to just "be there with her" and reassure her. You are doing the best that you can as her daughter.. As for me with my mother (who doesn't have Alzheimers) at times I have been more comfortable doing chores vs. spending time with her. That is my experience. Now she is living on borrowed time with lung cancer in a nursing home. I spend time with her and it is o.k. to just be in the present with her. I don't know how much time she has on earth so I want to make sure to see her as often as I can. I wish you the best with your mother.
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