Constant anxiety attacks over this stupid virus!

I've suffered from panic attacks for years. They started in my early thirties. Like you my Doctor has allowed me 8 ativan per. mth. It used to be only 5 but when Covid started I begged him for more. So he allowed me 3 more.

But I try to limit the ativan cause like you I worry about running out so sometimes when I know taking one would help I don't take it cause of that. In fact stupidly sometimes I take all my 8 ativan in the first two weeks and then am left with none. It's a balancing act.

I wish I could advise you with some great advice but I'm a work in process too. But the advice you have received so far is great!

Well yesterday they finally did some re-testing at my Mamas Memory Care. Out of 50 people, 36 have it and 12 staff. Mama was 1 that tested positive. I am sick of waiting everyday to see how she is. I am also sick thinking at some point they will open the M. C. to visitors again.....Like how are my fabric facemask's gonna save me visiting in that hostile environment? Now really folks, I am beyond excited my Mama has been pretty okay so far. I'm just thinking ahead to later. Oh well I'm just going to let the Lord handle this and go watch something very stupid like The Real Housewives lol! Bless you all and try not to stress too much. And wear your masks and wash your hands loves!

People are not meant to live in bubbles. People who are locked down with their kids, family, spouses---they are busy and stressed. People who are locked down with just their spouse are seeing every single flaw imaginable. People who live alone are so sad and depressed ( not all, of course, but I know my MIL kept my DH hostage on Mother's Day--he went up for a 1 hr visit and was stuck for 3 hours) My own mom lives with my brother but she is horribly depressed and YB does not allow her to go ANYWHERE. She goes to the grocery store on Friday and sits in the car.

Some good will come out of this virus. Our health care providers will learn new protocols and emergency behaviors. People will know to stockpile a certain quantity of food--I have 3 months worth--wouldn't have to go to a store for 3 months.

It's NOT the lack of shopping or having things to do, for me, it's all about the social. I have to ask DH for one hug a day--and he grudgingly accedes. I miss my grands' hugs and I have to admit, I've hugged those little boogers anyway. I KNOW my panic has come not from fear of the virus and dying (I mean, I just got over cancer and that was one crappy year--I am afraid of losing touch with the people who mean the most to me.)

This too, shall pass. I am feeling a tad more hopeful this week.

😳

I have just broken quarantine. I was typing away on my computer when the post lady came to the door and popped an envelope through. Spotting that it was addressed to a mystery man who I don't know has ever lived here but who keeps getting letters, I unthinkingly opened the door and called her back and handed it back to her, and she didn't think anything of it either and thanked me and took it away.

I'm sure we have both done our emergency training in PPE and infection control, but reflex responses are not easy to conquer.

I am so embarrassed.

I learned today that the hospitals here actually have the major influence on when things start to open up again. In fact, the bosses think it is time but their biggest hurdle is to get the health department, the hospitals, to agree.

The reason for the quarantine is to keep the health care system from collapse.

It's really that simple. We seemed to have turned the corner in much of NY, although here in the city, the number of cases is still problematic.

Fun fact: the NYC neighborhood with the highest concentration by zip code is....Corona, Queens.

Mally I agree with many of the points you make about the drawbacks of the international response to date; it's a dreadful time for farmers, and horticulturists too; and I see firsthand what suffering is caused by restrictions on access to routine primary medical care. But there has been very little time for us (societies collectively, I mean) to develop a strategy and gain perspective on how best and most effectively to organise ourselves. So little time! - it is only a few weeks. We are figuring out better, more proportionate, less damaging, and more effective ways. This will improve, fast, and the end of the world is not nigh.

I do not for a nanosecond believe in the sinister governmental plot theory. Though I will admit I've got no problem at all with the serious disruption there has been to the "county lines" illicit drug trade in this country: it's been impossibly difficult for dealers to send 10-14 year olds out from the cities by train to our little towns and villages, because those children stick out like sore thumbs and can't even claim to be visiting their grannies.

I don't know if this will make you laugh or not (I laughed like a drain, I'm afraid) but the Man Who Did The Modelling, the epidemiologist from Imperial who's responsible for our being cooped up like battery hens, had to resign the other day. Apparently he and his married lady friend could not bear the separation any longer and were caught in flagrante by the press when she visited his house for the second time. There you are, you see - love will find a way!

Many of the people you don't think are "good" and "aware", are much more aware than you are onlyonethereis.... Yes, the virus is very catching, and it kills people. That is not why the world has come to a stop; THAT is because people at the top grabbed the "crisis" and instead of having elders, people at risk, and those who were afraid stay home, wear gloves and masks, and social distance, they had EVERYONE do it! From time immemorial those who were sick were quarantined, NOT all the rest of society. Not only that, but no one has been able to prove if masks and gloves, or even social distancing, really do help much. So certain people just decided to decide for all the rest of us what life would be like going forward, and now look at the results! Starvation in some countries, people unable to pay bills, being depressed and suicidal, domestic abuse skyrocketing from too much togetherness, just like we have been talking about on this site. The food chain has gone crazy, with farmers and ranchers having to kill livestock for no reason, and just bury them - millions of them. People can no longer afford their pets, their equines, who are going to kill; I see that happening here. So, many people see all this and realize that this virus, among all the other severe illnesses in the world that have been happening for many years, has been used to CONTROL all of us, in a way none of us could even have imagined. A war and foreign troops didn't do it - it was just a VIRUS! That's why so many people don't wear the (probably useless) masks/gloves, and kick against staying home, and social distancing - they can see the whole picture.

Yeah, I am an anxious mess. I am worried all the time about COVID.

I worry because my mother went into the ER on May 5 and luckily came out May 6 in the evening and upon her release the case manager did NOT wear a mask NOR social distance, spoke to me on the phone and handed to my mother who then spoke to me using the same phone that this case manager used! Needless to say, I made three formal complaints pending further investigate and possible legal action, especially if we come up COVID positive. And, right before this my mother's COVID test came back negative, but after this we have to wait 14 days to take another test!

So, yeah, I'm constantly anxious about my mother's aging issues, COVID, and myself feeling worried and burdened. I have no more Xanax, so hopefully my PCP will either refill it or the livehealthonline psychiatrist tomorrow will give me a medication to enable me to cope a bit more peacefully with life right now.

I feel like life changed overnight and it will NEVER go back, nor can it, and it's really difficult. People's lack-of-care regarding mask wearing is astonishing to me. In fact, I have lost about 90% respect for most people. Even "good" people and "aware" people are really not, and that has been eye-opening and extremely disheartening. I feel like everyone is in denial about the reality of this pandemic. Unfortunately, it is not a stupid virus, it's so deadly (and I am NOT attacking your for saying that! Just outlining the wish that it were this little thing that'll go away.)

I do go to online therapy as well as another therapist whom I pay out-of-pocket right now. It's a lot; caregiving, myself, and a pandemic. Reminds me of Shakespeare's Macbeth, "Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and caldron bubble."

Yeah, I am an anxious anxious person. And, I "get" ya.

Arwen--

My relationship with my mother is not an unusual one--I'm one of 6 kids and more assuredly NOT the favorite. I was my daddy's 'favorite' according to her and she was jealous all my life that he and I had a wonderful relationship.

Sadly. at the age of 90, she is not suddenly going to adore me--she likes my other sibs b/c THEY don't 'rock the boat' as it were. We had an older brother who was a serial abuser--I cannot speak of the abuse I suffered at his hands that my mother KNEW about, but chose to ignore.

He's dead--so there will be no 'closure' in this life.

Like many families in the 50's & 60's--we were supposed to look, act and seem perfect. Like ALL families everywhere, we had our issues and problems, but they were swept under the carpet and ignored. So unhealthy.

Mother has lived with YB for 22 years. Their relationship is weird and twisted. She needs him for all drs appts, shopping, etc. If he decides she can't go somewhere, she doesn't go. My other brother is a Dr. No Shot--he does not DO confrontation, and so mother has no voice.

Trust me, I have had umpteen 'talks' with YB about treating mom better--about letting my sisters and me come in and clean her place--and it's gotten to the point a couple of times when he stated he'd have me arrested if he found me on his property. I gave up trying to 'help' as he was so crazy about it. I do not need the anxiety on top of what life has already dealt me.

Nothing to do but work within the parameters he sets. Sad. I do feel for her.

I am gobsmacked by the idea that you think that going to your mother's to clean her windows is a good idea.

You are a very kind person, Mid. It's your brother's house. He doesn't keep the windows clean?

Thanks again, to all who reached out. This week has been a mixed bag, for sure.

Dh went golfing, despite his dr's dire warnings that he is to stay IN THE HOUSE for 2 more months. There is just no way he can do that. Golfing was definitely 'distanced' and while he came home sore and tired, at least he got some exercise and was in a much better mood when he came home.

I did reach out to my oncologist and all they suggested was a post cancer support group--which I can't attend b/c of the virus. So, I'm kind of back to square one. I did not overdo yesterday--and I even went to mother's to wash her windows, which haven't been washed since I did them last, so probably 4 years? She swears I did them last year but I know I didn't.

She was in a mood yesterday--I feel for her. The ONE thing she loves, Bingo at the Sr Center has been on hold for a couple of months and may not reconvene until Fall, if it even does. YB takes her to the grocery store on Fridays, but she sits in the car. That is the only time she is allowed to leave the house. I do not see her much, in fact, it's been well over 2 months and I walked in and she began yelling at me that I don't answer my phone. Well---I don't know who she's calling but it isn't me. Same ph number for 42 years and she's never bothered to learn it.

After a couple of hours with her, I had to leave. Her place is filthy and depressing. But her windows are clean.

I think a big part of my 'malaise' is that my back is giving me grief and the pain pills I am on are so wimpy. I may need some PT and something stronger for when I hurt my back, which is daily. Meh. Getting old stinks!

I can only guess at your frustration. Although all of us are getting cabin fever and each have our own emotional impacts dealing with COVID, your life was already turned upside down with chemo. Whenever our lives are thrown major curves we crave getting back to normalcy. I have issues dealing with not seeing and being with my children and grandchildren.....this has been especially hard. Since my husband has heart disease along with other underlying health problems we have to be very diligent. But considering the alternative, we do what we must. Life has changed dramatically and until we have a therapeutic or a vaccine our "normal" will be put on hold.

I am in the process of painting the entire interior of my home and going from room to room clearing out all the closets, going through dresser drawers, cupboards etc. Editing anything not used or needed. We have a "free" site on FB and people will pick up items curbside. It's a daunting challenge, but now is a good time to do it as we plan on moving in the next year or so. So this keeps me occupied and focused. Soon I'll move on to the outdoors as well if the weather ever decides to co-operate.

In spite of the exhaustion that comes with days end, I also found myself having a hard time either falling asleep or staying asleep. For some reason the stillness of the night ramps up my brain and the anxiety kicks in. My Dr. suggested melatonin as a sleep aide and it has helped tremendously. Might want to give it a try.....I fall asleep in about ten minutes and stay sleeping until morning. No morning grogginess.

I don't think you're alone with the "black cloud"....... seems it has settled pretty much everywhere and we're in this for the long haul. Things are starting to open, but those of us who are vulnerable will keep our distance to be as safe as we can. Sadly, many in society don't take this as seriously as they should only adding to the anxiety. Just know you're not alone in this fight and in time, this too shall pass. Take care and be well.

Mid,

We all need to vent sometimes. This all feels so strange. It is hard for all of us to adjust. You are healing emotionally and physically from serious health issues. That makes this more challenging for you. You are entitled to feel as you do. There are valid reasons to be concerned all around.

Karsten, the precautions you cited are already in place. Some people just don't adhere to them. It's not the precautions that are spreading the virus.

I really don't have an 'opinion' on the virus itself. On the one hand, it's horrible and scary and I take it seriously, but THAT'S not what panics me. Personally, I think it will end up costing about as many fatalities as the seasonal flu (this is based on talking to my 2 Dr. Kids..I don't know anything) It's the not knowing--the day to day of wondering if we'll have lost our entire retirement savings (we haven't, not even close, but still..) it's being distanced from my babies, it's the feeling out there that the world is ending--it's the fact DH has the news on 24/7 and it's all just the same garbage as the day before. He is not usually home more than 10 days a month and now he's been home since Feb.

Our marriage is not made for such closeness. I irritate him. He irritates me. His PCP told him yesterday he shouldn't even be going OUTSIDE for ANY reason--
now that's just crazy. Doesn't he need some sunshine and fresh air? She's Iranian and has not ever grasped the intricacies of the English language. He doesn't even LIKE her, but continues to see her, even though he argues with her all the time. He just does what he wants, so I laugh when he goes to see her, it's actually completely pointless.

I did reach out to my oncologist about something for the racing heart/panic attack and he may prescribe something for it, I don't know what. A beta-blocker?

I slept so well last night, 2- 6 hour stretches, something I don't think I have done in memory! I think a big part of all of this is I sleep poorly and wake up all night long--and it's hard.

My grands (well, 3 of them) are going to come help me plant my garden and then I am going to help them plant theirs. Theirs is always dried up and dead by July 1st, but they try :) Maybe if we plant only 'fun things' they will get watered!

Wow--one good night of sleep felt so good. Hope I can keep this going. I truly sat down yesterday and listed all the stuff I have done since the shutdown and I was basically doing about twice as much "work' as I usually do. Crazy person. I can't save the world--I can't even keep my own tiny house clean!!

This brings up a very good point. This eternal shutdown has a cost, not just economic but to peoples physical and mental health. Things had to be shut down for a while until we got our hands around this, but people were not designed to live this way long term.

Society should open up more, with precautions like distancing, not shaking hands, wearing masks etc but there is no free lunch. This is beginning to cause more pain than the virus itself.

Midkid, You're really facing a double whammy, having survived a cancer episode but now dealing with the pandemic. I think your husband may just never understand what you're faced and are facing, but I'm glad your children are supportive.

One suggestion to increase those bonds: help them create a children's garden. You can work together, and just kind of let your husband find his own way while you enjoy the fresh air and excitement of growing your own food.

If you're not familiar with children's gardens, here are some suggestions: Bean teepee, starting plants from food remnants (lemons, oranges, avacadoes and more, even if they won't last through the winter), scent and pollinator gardens and more.

Thank you all do much for not telling me to suck it and and deal with it!

I come here too vent, and then I go out and do my day. DH is WFH and he is LOUD and in my face even tho he's sitting in the office. He makes a huge mess and thinks nothing if leaving it for me.

Last night I was feeling 'off' and sure as can be, I went to my room to read and a huge wave of panic came over me. I was laying there doing my deep breathing, etc and DH came in and said he was going to get a burger, as I had not made dinner. (I offered, at 6 to make something and he demurred, wasn't hungry. By 8:30 he WAS, so at least he came in and asked me if I wanted something. I said "I probably should have some protein--I'm having a PA and it's been going on for over and hour--maybe eating would help. " He came over and felt my pulse for about 3 seconds and said "You're fine". No, 220 beats per minute is NOT 'fine'.

I did eat and another hour (and another tranquilizer) and more deep breathing and positive thinking finally let my heart calm and I fell asleep. I feel like I ran a marathon today. This is the first really, really bad one I have had in a couple weeks. They leave me exhausted.

I LOVE my therapist. Sadly, she dropped my insurance last year and so I could not afford to go more than every 6 weeks or so. Plus, being in her office is the part I LIKE, I can talk freely. I do not want DH hearing me, this is all private. I'm checking to see if she can see me soon. I need a booster.

Also sending a message to my oncologist. I think these PA's are brought on by remnants of chemo and the constant presence of DH--and I can't do much of anything besides what I am doing.

On the VERY bright side, my sweet kids gave me raised bed grow boxes for mother's day AND hauled in 2 cubic yards of fresh, rich soil!! I have wanted these for years and years!! Dh felt awful, b/c every single year he has said he's going to build me some and he never has. I never expected him to but I'd wait and wait and then give up and put in the garden. When he saw how excited I was about these, he felt awful. They are going to be game changers! The ironic side to all of this is all I grow is stuff to make SALSA for HIM!. Last year I was so sick and he was begging me to 'man up' and make a couple batches. I couldn't even lift my stockpot and I told him if he picked all the veggies, and helped me, I'd make it. Nope, it all went to waste.

The grands were helping and were so sweet and gave me huge hugs and my 7 yo who is kinda my fave climbed all over me, saying "COVID, take THAT!" (we're on code orange in our state but we're sick of social distancing. I think in the face of horrible depression, a hug is not going to kill me. I NEEDED that. Even DH won't touch me.

I hear little of the news, but feel we are going to be OK--in fact, we may look back on this and hopefully have learned a few things. Good and bad.

Thanks again for not being cross with me---I wish I could over come this constant panicky feeling---it will abate, I'm sure, but in the middle of it, it's awful.

Yes yes yes! I get scared and my heart pounds and I have trouble breathing and want to go hide under the bed. I am the caretaker for my elderly mother and am fearful of getting sick because of her. I scared about getting sick period.

I am single and retired, Moms in a nursing home. Stressing about making choices for her is adding to all the virus stress. I visit her almost daily. We sit by her window and talk on the phone. Being calm and understanding with her dementia is getting more difficult and I want to go home and scream.

I am dealing with the panic by keeping active, walking daily. I have been keeping up with my exercise classes, tuning into live/virtual sessions. I attend a Zoom yoga class and can see and interact with the instructor and other students. I bought a math text book and am working my way through elementary to high school math, never my best subject!

I have found sheep and goat videos to play in the background, silly but calming. I only check email once a day, and stay away from social media, and limit watching the news.

Most important for me is stepping back from the daily deluge of bad news and looking at a wider picture. The world has lived through much worse epidemics. Plague killed 25-30% of the people in Europe in the Middle Ages, Corvid is about 1%. The stock market is holding fairly steady, Warren Buffet is positive about the future. Houses are selling, babies are being born, the earth keeps turning, the sun will come up tomorrow.

As I sit here typing I can feel the tension building in my chest so it’s time to go do something to take my mind off my worries.

You are not alone with your anxiety MidKid. Thanks for posting because I do not have anyone to talk to about it. I felt like I was helplessly witnessing a slow tidal wave of destruction as it hit Europe, the eastern US, then finally hit hard in my state. I too woke in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and shortness of breath. I did not sleep for more than 1-2 hours each night for several days. I could not eat because my stomach was so upset and I lost weight. I could barely function. This went on for a couple weeks until I knew this would kill me without me even getting the virus.
You ask what we are doing to quell this anxiety? Well, I finally realized this issue was too big for me to carry and the solutions existed outside of me. I realized the best I could do is make my own little world the healthiest possible. I narrowed my focus and energies. I pray frequently that those who have decision making power and ability to influence things will get it right.

When I married my husband 40 yrs ago he worked night shift. Just me and #1 daughter and then #2 came 4 yrs later. Worked with #1 stayed home with #2. I was 35 and no way working with an infant. #1 was a year old when I had to go back to work. So for 20 years it was me driving the girls to sports, dance ect. Then DH took day shift. Why! #1 was out of the house and it was just me and #2. He would come up stairs (we watched TV in the Den) at 8 pm asking us why we weren't doing something. Really! I worked all day and #2 was still in school. I was just winding down. #2 said "wish he would go back on nightshift". When u just see each other weekends, you tend not to get on each others nerves.

I feel for you. I believe in truth said in jest. If you are mowing the lawn, what does he do? 😊

I think the PTSD comments were spot on..Dh walked into the garage yesterday (we have been purging it of ALL excess stuff--well, I have been, DH didn't throw away much more than some scrap lumber)...anyhow, he walked in and said my name and although I HEARD him coming, it startled me so much I screamed. He was like "What is WRONG with you???" I'm jumpy as a scalded cat.

I was severely abused as a child. No need to go into that, but that's the root cause. Weirdly, I am not afraid to be home alone, in fact, kind of like it a LOT, since DH has been home for, what, 10 weeks? He's driving me insane.

I actually ASKED him "why are you being so danged MEAN to me? Just, everything, every single thing I do is wrong and you have to point it out" He says he's just 'joking around' but he doesn't get a walk on that. I told him he was being a jerk and TRYING to upset me, best he can. A big part of him is that he is a little boy who thinks teasing and such is super funny, and I HATE IT.

When he has gone over the top, that's when I can plan on a mid night panic attack. I am going to teleconference with my therapist this week and get a little booster shot of courage.

This 'hunkering in spot' has shown me that my DH can either be very sweet and kind but most of the time is a real jerk. I am so embarassed with his constant fighting with people on FB. I need a break from him, so badly. I'm still healing from cancer/shingles and he thinks both are excuses to 'slack off'. He actually was sitting here in the office having a group chat and I was working on bills--absolutely silent, and one of the men said "so, B, what you gonna do when you retire next year? I know your wife isn't retired." Dh replies, "Oh, she doesn't do anything. She's been retired for a few years." He's lucky I didn't slap him upside the head right then and there. I RETIRED because I had CANCER.

I did comment to him later that that comment REALLY hurt and he said "But you DON'T do anything" and I pointed out I had mowed & trimmed the lawn, pulled weeds and done laundry. But I don't MAKE ANY MONEY, is what he meant.

I know this pandemic has made me fear his retirement with all my heart. I do not want him to be home all the time, just sleeping or hanging around all day with nothing to do, but criticize me.

Imho, if one has sleeplessness, they should remain in bed because at least the body is resting. Praying for you.

I haven't read the responses, so forgive me if mine is redundant in any way.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder........sounds like THAT is what you are suffering from. Getting over cancer and now this stupid virus situation kicks in. You were doing find with the cancer dx, the chemo, etc.........but now the virus tipped you over the edge. Know what I mean? Your system is overloaded now. You have a very weak support system (ie: DH) meaning nobody to talk to at home, and the horror of what's happening with this virus ADDED to what you've just been through, it's just too much to process.

I developed PTSD after finding my birth family in 2000. It was absolutely dreadful. Couldn't sleep at all; couldn't stop crying........panic attacks, the whole 9 yards. DH at the time was working in another state (so no support) and my kids were little, so I wasn't about to look to THEM to help me through the stress. So I bore it alone. The worst was the startle reflex...........jumping thru the roof at any noise I heard. Do you get that? Anyway, it reached the point where I had to go to the doctor and tell him I needed help to get me thru it............after I found myself screaming bloody murder at my daughter who was just 7 y/o at the time. Enough. The doc prescribed Paxil and it was like a switch was flipped off inside of me. My whole being calmed down. I became rational again. The startle reflex stopped (I was wearing earplugs in the house). I started sleeping again. The PAs stopped.

Talk to your doctor. Tell him or her exactly what's going on. You can't live like this........things just tend to get worse w/o treatment.

Wishing you the very best of luck moving past this difficult time of life.

Midkid, I can relate to your story.
Fake it til you make it during the day and then crumbling and feeling the fear when there's nobody watching. I know how that feels, it's terrible.

This virus is absolutely real, and dangerous.
Nutrition, prayers and supplements can really help and are absolutely important.
And you have certainly been through a lot, as Taarna says you have all the reasons to feel the way you feel.

But I'm starting thinking. Perhaps there's another angle to all this.
What if this moment in history is our real chance to face our innermost fears, and overcome them, individually and collectively?

These panic attacks are just an expression of losing our reality as we knew it.
It's utterly terryfying. Some people react with anger, some others desperately try to find scapegoats, the reality is that we are all terribly scared. I've had two panick attacks, both times when I thought to be ill with the virus. They were the most scary things I have ever had, and like you they both happened at night, when I was finally free to feel my feelings.

There's an article that gave me much comfort. It made me see things from a wider perspective. Please ignore the slight "conspiracy" tone, and new-age terminology, it's the message that I have really liked. Panic attacks are our way to shift from our old reality to a new one, facing, and feeling the fear. They happen when we are more in touch with our soul and the shadow becomes more apparent.

Here's the article, if you want:
https://www.openhandweb.org/wake-transcend-parodythe-great-5d-shift-has-truly-begun

In any case, please know that you are not alone in this. We are all extremely scared, we are with you when you are scared, feeling the same. All together we will find a new alignment.

Many blessings
x Arwen

I guess the first thing I would tell you is to make sure you don't have a thyroid problem or are dehydrated. Not long after I started taking thyroid pills I was having bad panic attacks - so bad that I was afraid to go out. My thyroid was out of whack. Dehydration can do it too - I noticed this with my parents.

I was commissioned to create a series of artworks based upon the 23 Psalm right before this stuff hit. It's so strange because when the work was presented, I remember telling them about my grandparents losing so many family members due to the flu, scarlet fever, etc. How my grandmother would - all her life - recite the psalm when she was anxious. A sixteen year old with half her family gone would be very anxious! My mom would say 'read psalms.' She passed away in December and we now really wonder if she was one of first cases in my area. She had made notes and left them in the house and she, over the last ten years, had pasted articles about faith and fear and left this notebook for me.

I read all these articles and books about dealing with fear. I do read the Psalms like my grandma and mother said. I am also in a support group at hospice, but we cannot meet because of distancing. LOTS of people are feeling like there's a black cloud, so at least we are not alone in this as far as the emotional effect. I keep telling myself that grandparents lived though the Spanish Flu with so much less than I have. Not even a car. It's the not knowing about the impact on society that's bad - and I don't have a lot of support so the counselor is concerned about that.
I've stopped watching so much news - I like to stay informed but found my stomach tightening up after reading it, so I just keep up with the state count and headlines, health news, etc. I tend to catastrophize like my mom did, so I say 'stop!' to bad thoughts. If you don't know it for a fact, then keep it out of your head.
I get outside, which really helps, except for allergies of course. I read escapist books and was making masks also, until I ran out of elastic. I've also made artwork to sell to raise money for nurses to get counseling, so that makes me feel good that I can do something for other people in even more stressful situations. In the months before my mom went into hospice, I have gotten extra groceries and toilet paper - of course - so I was prepared. I remember her saying 'well we don't know what's ahead of us.'
If you are a caregiver during this and have been able to carry on and not only look after yourself but others, then you should feel proud of how brave you are.

I'm so used to being home all the time that I forget that we're in lockdown!

Except for a few virus related problems. My youngest daughter has been having some midlife crisis and is completely crazy these days. She's running around all over and though I've forbidden any company she still comes in the back door with some low life she's picked up along the way.

My 16yo grandson is not being supervised properly so I let him come whenever he wants even though he's a danger to us. I make him stay in his room and wear a mask around my mom. Not seeing him was a major stress factor for me.

He's being mindful of the rules but I can't get any of the supplies I need to sanitize the place. I've placed orders with amazon that won't be shipped till June.

I don't shop often but the shelves are empty when I do go to the store.

Here's the rub: I just got a car 6 months ago but now there's nowhere to go!

As if that isn't enough to worry about, my nephew has been living in the garage and he brought a girlfriend with a dog. They both have drug issues and neither helps with any of the costs.

So now I am totally obsessed with food! I'm getting as big as a barn! They often don't eat dinner, though I make it, and I feel compelled to eat the leftovers myself. Then with the shortages and them baring my cupboards I stress all the time about food. They come and go a lot too, potentially exposing us to the virus.

This is my mom's golden boy who is better, but not good yet, so I let him stay before the virus. Now,I can't kick him out (mom would never forgive me) and I can't insist they get a job so I feel stuck with them. We have no business supporting these 36year olds.

Mom has the news blasting every minute she's awake and I can't get away from it. It's not good for either one of us.

If I took the time to think about all of it, I'd have to admit that I am severely depressed. Well, I prefer to be mad, so mad I am.

So that's how I'm dealing with the virus: I'm in a permanent rage eating like a horse and barely moving about from being so unfit. Not good at all.

I totally sympathize for you. The world's gone crazy and me with it!

Charlotte

Thanks, LShaf--

I don't watch TV, but with Dh home, it's on most of the day.

I go to bed by 9 and either read my scriptures or listen to a calm podcast. No caffeine after noon!

My therapist has walked me through a lot of calming exercises and you're right, I need to remember them to help me relax.

I think I spend much too much time in the day working to ignore the anxiety--it's a part of me, like my eye color. Most days I am fine, but these nighttime PA's are so annoying, Had one last night and it lasted an hour but I did deep breathing and was able to keep my heart rate low enough I didn't feel ill.

It takes a long time to accept a cancer-free dx! Isn't that weird? I got a call from my doctor and he was so sweet and so happy and I listened to it and went "Oh, good. Ok. Gotta run to the store". I think I always knew I would beat it, and unless I was actively sick for the first 10 days after a chemo--I didn't think a lot about it. There was nothing to do but put my head down and manage through it.

I DO need to work on positive self talk--thank you for reminding me of that!

Well, I got a ton of sleep last night. I always maintain that if I can sleep for 10-12 hours, I must have needed it!!

Do you have a set bedtime? A set routine before you go to bed? No caffeine after noon. You may benefit from exercise during the day to decrease your stress, turn the TV off with its messages of gloom etc. and listen to music that calming or watch a movie you enjoy. At nighttime relax in bed and do a progressive relaxation ( either listening to one on YouTube or imaging yourself relaxing from head to toe. ) Taking a diaphragmatic breath by pushing your belly out and drawing a relaxing breath inward can stimulate endorphins and calm you naturally. You have 5 lobes of your lungs that can exchange oxygen more efficiently with the belly breaths moving oxygen to your alveoli. The vagus nerve runs through your diaphragm. It releases relaxing neuro chemicals into the body. If you do 3-4 belly breaths and after each breath say to yourself “relax” it will reprogram your mind to help make night time easier to sleep. Be careful of your self talk telling yourself you’re “sick, sick, sick” instead tell yourself your ”strong, flexible to handle what life throws at you, and you’re getting better every day in every way. ”The body listens to outward messages and our own self talk. You might be amazed at how much better you feel. Good luck and sweet dreams!