My mom, 88 yrs old with heart failure, living in her own home and not doing well at all physically. Also, is quite depressed and does not want to talk to people any longer. Brothers call once a week, for a few minutes. I call every couple of days now. This question is about our conversations which take place over the phone:
I try to be there for her and listen as other family members won't/can't and have even told her not to talk abut her problems. That leaves me, the daughter. I listen. But, I always pay for it. She will talk about all the things that are troubling her (that's okay), but then she will say "you don't understand". I try to tell her that I DO understand and then it turns into an argument. . She will say "I did not mean understand in that way". So I ask her what do you mean when you use that word? (I am at this point lost) and she then says: "It does not matter. It is just a saying and why are you so particular and precise about everything? And why are you trying to correct my English? I am thinking what??? What has happened here? I am totally confused by what has happened. I am sure this is confusing to you, the reader, too? Then, my mother will say, if you keep on asking, this conversation willl end. And this time, I got angry and said "I have done nothing wrong here, I was just trying to understand, and so be it, let it end and I say goodbye. And then I feel like I have done something wrong, but I don't know what and I feel guilty. Has anyone experienced this and, if so, what is this? As to whether of not she has dementia, the doctors are out on that one. The basic test, she passes. And she wont go to doctors very much, so no testing. She will only go with my brother to the doctor as he was the one who used to take her. He will not listen to me, is difficult, and so I no longer communicate with him, as it is pointless to send a "heads up" about possible dementia in an email and get a response saying "just don't write to me and stop expecting me to do everything".
This is so not true. But that is not the question. The question is why does this make her so angry? Thank you.