Can a condo association help persuade an elder to move?

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Mom, 90, lives independently. She has moderate vascular dementia and refuses to move. I live 400 miles away. A long time neighbor is assisting her and I pay him. They live in a townhouse association, so Mom has neighbors on both sides. Of major concern is keeping things safe...for everyone. Neighbor checks stove/oven to make sure nothing's left on. So I was thinking the other day, would it be possible for the condo association to strongly recommend that she move closer to her daughter because of Mom's memory problems and because of the potential fire risk? We just paid over $8,000 to fix sewage line because she was cutting paper towels into squares and using them because she did not think she had any toilet paper. I will be visiting her this month and I'm hoping she'll come home with me for a week or so...and maybe we can look at some memory care facilities. But as the only child, I have no leverage. I have POA and am not willing to go for guardianship. Mom has her memory issues...but she also knows her likes and preferences. The neighbor/assistant has no peace. Mom calls or comes over at all hours. Things will only get worse with her memory and I feel I will need some authority to "force" her to make a change in her living arrangement. It's tragic to think that it might be medical or police authority...and then the other day I thought, what about the condo association. Could they push the issue in a caring way. Any thoughts or suggestions?

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They will not get involved, unless she rents. I was in property mgmt. for years. What they would do is reach out to you and say she is a hazard to herself and the property. There comes a time when we as caregivers have to step in and make the decisions. My father has Alzheimer's for 13 years and I finally had to decide for my mother's safety that she could no longer care for him. It's not the popular choice, but being poa is not an easy situation . It helps if you don't have siblings to fight your every move. Bottom line, it's about what best for her and her community. Good luck!
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Your mother can no longer live alone. "Cutting paper towels to use as toilet paper" is one indication.
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jjmummert, I know this won't be easy as my Mom was very stubborn and came from a long line of very tough women. My Mom insisted on living at home with my Dad, and the both were in there mid-to-late 90's. Mom refused caregivers and cleaning teams. Trying to get my parents to move to some place more elder friendly wasn't going to happen.  Even after a fall and the doctor saying she needs help at home.   She insisted that her husband could help her [yeah right, Dad was a fall risk himself] and daughter to help her [oh dear, I was pushing 70 at the time and lived elsewhere].

Only child here, too, so no other siblings to help to convince my parents.... [sigh]. Plus, we are still viewed as the "kid" so what do we know !!

I was one where I had to wait for that phone call saying Mom fell and Dad couldn't get her up. She spent her final months in long-term-care. I knew she was safe there. And Dad called in caregivers to help him, then he moved to senior living.

Let us know what happens next.
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We tried to get my mother to move in with us but she absolutely would not. So we enlisted the help of her doctor AND a trusted neighbor to persuade her that it was no longer safe for her to continue living alone. Mom and I toured a couple of local assisted living facilities where we found that "getting old looked contagious" and I emphatically said as much, and assured her that we would never want her to move to such a place. After that our invitation looked so much better to her.
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You are in charge. Your 'authority' is that you love your mother and that she is no longer capable of making decisions. Do some research and find the place you want her to live. Speak with the marketing director there and make arrangements for your mother. Go visit your mom and tell her you've found a wonderful place where you can see her much more often. Explain that you feel that your time together is precious now. Be blunt about her age.

DO NOT argue logically. It's futile and frustrating. Your mom has already determined that she doesn't need help and won't move, so arguing about that is pointless. Resist the urge.

It may help to remember when you were five. A lot of times, the answer your mom gave you was "because I say so." That wasn't because there wasn't an explanation, it was because you weren't capable of the higher level cognition needed to understand it. Now the roles have been switched.

You're looking for an easy way out and there isn't one. Even your mom's doctor will probably be of little help. YOU have to do this. Just do it.

If you want, go ahead and fib about the condo association. You can say that they've asked her to move if you think that will help. You've got to get your mom (and her neighbors) safe.

ps – UNPLUG her stove, microwave, and anything else that could potentially set fire to her condo (and her neighbors' condos).
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Where my mother in law lived they most certainly did state to the family that she was no longer capable of living on her own and was a danger to the rest of the community. She was and we moved out. They have every legal right to do just that. Take a look at the bylaws you will see they cover their butts. If a person presents a danger living there or neglecting their property and driving erratically they can ask for someone to leave. It actually was long overdue for my mother in law. She was not capable of driving on busy roads therefore did not go to the doctors. She was telling the family she was going but was not. She was a mess. It never get's better only worse. Why wait till the possibility of them hurting others.
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In my case my mother in law was exhibiting signs that she was incapable of taking care of herself, driving irrationally and the Association did in fact give the family an ultimatum. I do not fault them for this it was in her best interest. The bylaws are pretty strict about negligence on behalf of a person who lived in the community.
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I am not sure how long you plan to visit, but I would make sure you allot about a month to help her find assisted living. Also, when the doctor states that she is not allowed to live at home alone, then you tell her that you have no other choice as you could face abuse charges if you do not follow the doctors orders. Also, most states have senior placement assistance. Call them and let them know your requests such as private or semi-private rooms, your budget, whether she has a pet or not, and if it offers care until your mother passes on. Other questions to ask is what pharmacy is the facility near and if they offer transportation to the doctor's office or if the doctor comes to the facility. I live in Indiana and my aunt lives in Arizona and it is very difficult to do it long distance. You could always offer the neighbor money to take your mother to her doctor's appts., pick up supplies, and take her to lunch. There is a lot less stress that way!
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My mom fell in April 2015. I had people  with her but mom would tell them not to come.  When she got to the hospital found out that she had broke top of one foot and broke bone on other leg couldn't take care of her at home as I had my dad w a rare cancer.  I work full time.  My dad passed in September 2016.  How mom at nursing home she doesn't want to do anything and the nurse home says she is meab they got a court order to move mom to lock unit and I have had a hard time trying to get any nursing home to take her back she is about 60 miles away from me which I drive every day and I have been told mom is not safe to be at home I had to get lawyer involve to try to get my mom back closer.  I feel less stress her there because I know she is eating and not fell in floor 
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I disagree with the non-payment of the condo fees just to get your mom to move. This is not their issue, it is yours. Believe me, I understand how hard it is to do this. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that it's time for me to move my 89 year old mom to a memory care facility. I live in a condo and my mom lives with me. She is at the point where she needs constant supervision. I don't let her use the range or bathe alone. Any damage or danger she would cause not only effects my unit, it would effect those around me as well and at best it's not fair and worse yet, I would be liable. I have no help and only leave her long enough to pick up a few groceries, pick up prescriptions or go to the bank and then I worry myself sick that she will try to do something she shouldn't and hurt herself, etc. In your case, why wait until there is an emergency to make the move? I don't think you would feel any less guilty if she injures herself badly (or worse) or starts a fire and damages property and/or injures herself and possibly others in the process. It's a no-win situation when dealing with guilt. No matter what we caregivers do this seems to be a huge by-product. Good luck. You CAN do it!
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