I am concerned about my mother's toilet needs in the middle of the night. Advice?

This is similar to many of the Parkinsons calls we get- often heavy husband and 110# wife. Husband can't roll over or get out of bed himself- Parkinsons very subject to UTIs so that makes the problem even worst. Wife waking up 5-10 times a night to help their husband- at 7 days a week who can do that forever? There are solutions to let both get a good day's sleep again. Husband can reposition for comfort (and reduce bedsore risk) and go to the bathroom as needed while wife can sleep thru the night. There are lots of products out in the world that can help but often people are struggling so bad on a daily basis they don't know where to look. Let me know if I can offer suggestions.

Yes for men a nightime cath can work well but for women its not that easy.

I was thinking more along the lines of mobility problems- a person that can't even roll over by themselves (for comfort or reduce bedsore risk) needs lots of help. If they could independently reposition and safely exit the bed to a bedside commode it would make life easier for many people.

Yes that would be great any ideas

Hi JudyAnn5530-My Mom has Al/s since 2013, and every once and a while the legs go, therefore Mother kneed's assistance helping Her to the Loo, which means I'm wrecked jaded tired next day. I got a commode for Mom and I positioned it next to Her bed so She's able to use it unassisted. Make Life as comfortable and easy for Yourself as We must be very careful not to get burn out.

Much depends on a person's abilities/disabilities (and mental state)- I would be glad to offer suggestions if we can discuss the particular situation offline. I hate to see people risk injury when assistive products could help. JohnJoe's bedside commode use may be a huge help but many seniors may not be able to safely get to it without sturdy things to help them stand and maintain their balance. Imagine frail, sleepy, heavily medicated/lightheaded people getting out of a dead sleep (in the dark). Not a pretty picture.

Bedside commode!

JudyAnn5530, are you still with us?

Yes, I am reading them. The answers were not encouraging so I have stopped defending my reasons and am just listening. My husband and I are going to go ahead and do a trial for 3 months. Thanks.

JudyAnn; Much good luck to you and let us know how it works out!

I purchased a SMART pager online. Mom has a button necklace around her neck. I keep the pager on me 24/7. I also installed 2 VTECH baby monitors -- the cameras are portable so i watch mom 24/7 as that is on me too. The actual Cameras are mounted one in her bedroom and one in the living room. That way, i can do chores but always watching and listening. If she chooses to say my name; the monitor i carry picks up any change in sound-- cough, sneeze, something drops. She has a nighttime portable bedside toilet, a portable food service tray, and a toilet seat riser and hand bars where needed. Last, if you are concerned about sleep deprivatiin, mental and physical exhaustion -- dont bring her home. Its 10x worse than i imagined but just as rewarding ... now mom is on Hospice and soon, ill be cleaning her adult diaper. Shes getting too weak for toilets.

Btw-- dont ever count on them doing anything unassisted after they were in assisted living- keyword =ASSISTED. You become nurse, maid, cook; hand and foot and sometimes that means every 5 minutes. Letting someone who has been assisted toilet themselves at night on a portable toilet is asking for a fall. CAREgiving is SERIOUS, HARD, SLEEP AND FOOD DEPRIVED work. Ive lost 20 pounds in 4 months and nights of sleep. There is no room for impatience- you will have a child in an adult body.

OMG- A 3 month trial??? NI, NO, NO! You are goung to need 3 weeks for mom to adjust- ROUTINE IS THEIR LIFE. If my moms KLEENEX tissues is moved an inch, shell wake me to say something is horribly wrong. You cannot change or move anything- routine must remain exact. I didnt see this "trial" thing. I think you need spend a lor more time reading these sites- peopke who dream of the day their parent dies- not meaning it of course but thats the level of desperation. Quality time? Seriously? If you consider bathing, wiping her after toilet bowel movements, manicure, pedicures, dumped food trays, spilled liquids, changing clothes, sheets etc as quality (to name very few) yes, thats the quality and personally, i do love helping mom but i am exhausted and i have NO FREE TIME for husband, dinners, dates, fruends, family- none and zero.

JudyAnn, we dont mean to make you feel you are making a bad decision, we just want you make an informed one. A trial is not a bad idea, things may be better for you, each case is different. Just have a backup plan so if its to much you can change things before you burn out. When mom moved to th Adult Family Home it was because we had been doing it for a long time on our own, it was time for a break. With you too, perhaps you can do it for awhile. Just know if you cannot there is no shame admitting it. I do hope you will stay in touch and let us know how things are going. Hugs to you all.

JudyAnn, I think that moving parents in with you is almost always a trial but that is best to go into it on that basis. People who are sure this is forever are sometimes devastated to discover their own limitations. Best to at it with the idea of doing your best and seeing what happens.

Do keep in touch. We'd love to be supportive through the ups and downs.

If she can afford to stay where she is, DEFinitely leave her there. You will not be able to care for her as well as 3 shifts and you can spend as much time with her as you want. You can even pick her up and bring her to your house for visits instead of hanging out in the AL place. I have been taking care of my mother and have kept her mobile by exercise and treadmill. After a fall, it took her a long time to come back and I had to get up w her at night for toileting. It was HORRENDOUS. It didn't last too long or I would have slashed my wrists! Not really. But we don't spend any quality time at all because she resents my telling her what to do and is passive aggressive. And I resent her for not cooperating and making my life more difficult. I'm too upset and angry a lot of the time to even want to have a conversation with her. Older people who are losing mobility and mental capacity are not really happy people to be around. I say, just visit when you want and have a good time and leave to go home to your own life. I have NONE, and I wish it were different, but I'm kinda stuck. You won't really be improving her life and will be ruining your own.

I am in a similar situation. My mother their lives in a AL place that is considered "age in place" that is for dementia patients. It has been almost 3 years now and mom is now facing the what looks to be the end of her time. I have read and reread her advanced health directives that she had formally written 15 years ago I do believe that we are following her wishes. Moms health is greatly failing, side effects of new medication are horrible and the dr wants to change to a different medication which side effects are far worse. For me, I took a step back and considered quality of life for her not me. Knowing who she used to be, I know that she would silently suffer if I allow the Drs to give the new medication. I am trying my best to be sure that I will have know regrets as to how she was cared for in the AL and on this forum is where I get the best advice from those who have experienced what I am going through. The advice that people have given in regards to your question certainly looks like people are telling you not to move your mother home with you.