I am concerned about my mother's toilet needs in the middle of the night. Advice?

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We are planning to attempt to move my mother into our home. My fear is that if I, as the caregiver become too sleep deprived I will not be able to care for her well during the day. She has been in assisted living for the last 3 years having 3 shifts a day care for her needs.
She already wears depends and is used to calling for help to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. She is frail and a fall risk so she cannot go alone. I have considered buying a portable handicap toilet for next to her bed. Overnight care givers seem expensive for just one trip to the bathroom but I have difficulty going back to sleep once I wake up.

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I am in a similar situation. My mother their lives in a AL place that is considered "age in place" that is for dementia patients. It has been almost 3 years now and mom is now facing the what looks to be the end of her time. I have read and reread her advanced health directives that she had formally written 15 years ago I do believe that we are following her wishes. Moms health is greatly failing, side effects of new medication are horrible and the dr wants to change to a different medication which side effects are far worse. For me, I took a step back and considered quality of life for her not me. Knowing who she used to be, I know that she would silently suffer if I allow the Drs to give the new medication. I am trying my best to be sure that I will have know regrets as to how she was cared for in the AL and on this forum is where I get the best advice from those who have experienced what I am going through. The advice that people have given in regards to your question certainly looks like people are telling you not to move your mother home with you.
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If she can afford to stay where she is, DEFinitely leave her there. You will not be able to care for her as well as 3 shifts and you can spend as much time with her as you want. You can even pick her up and bring her to your house for visits instead of hanging out in the AL place. I have been taking care of my mother and have kept her mobile by exercise and treadmill. After a fall, it took her a long time to come back and I had to get up w her at night for toileting. It was HORRENDOUS. It didn't last too long or I would have slashed my wrists! Not really. But we don't spend any quality time at all because she resents my telling her what to do and is passive aggressive. And I resent her for not cooperating and making my life more difficult. I'm too upset and angry a lot of the time to even want to have a conversation with her. Older people who are losing mobility and mental capacity are not really happy people to be around. I say, just visit when you want and have a good time and leave to go home to your own life. I have NONE, and I wish it were different, but I'm kinda stuck. You won't really be improving her life and will be ruining your own.
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JudyAnn, I think that moving parents in with you is almost always a trial but that is best to go into it on that basis. People who are sure this is forever are sometimes devastated to discover their own limitations. Best to at it with the idea of doing your best and seeing what happens.

Do keep in touch. We'd love to be supportive through the ups and downs.
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JudyAnn, we dont mean to make you feel you are making a bad decision, we just want you make an informed one. A trial is not a bad idea, things may be better for you, each case is different. Just have a backup plan so if its to much you can change things before you burn out. When mom moved to th Adult Family Home it was because we had been doing it for a long time on our own, it was time for a break. With you too, perhaps you can do it for awhile. Just know if you cannot there is no shame admitting it. I do hope you will stay in touch and let us know how things are going. Hugs to you all.
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OMG- A 3 month trial??? NI, NO, NO! You are goung to need 3 weeks for mom to adjust- ROUTINE IS THEIR LIFE. If my moms KLEENEX tissues is moved an inch, shell wake me to say something is horribly wrong. You cannot change or move anything- routine must remain exact. I didnt see this "trial" thing. I think you need spend a lor more time reading these sites- peopke who dream of the day their parent dies- not meaning it of course but thats the level of desperation. Quality time? Seriously? If you consider bathing, wiping her after toilet bowel movements, manicure, pedicures, dumped food trays, spilled liquids, changing clothes, sheets etc as quality (to name very few) yes, thats the quality and personally, i do love helping mom but i am exhausted and i have NO FREE TIME for husband, dinners, dates, fruends, family- none and zero.
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Btw-- dont ever count on them doing anything unassisted after they were in assisted living- keyword =ASSISTED. You become nurse, maid, cook; hand and foot and sometimes that means every 5 minutes. Letting someone who has been assisted toilet themselves at night on a portable toilet is asking for a fall. CAREgiving is SERIOUS, HARD, SLEEP AND FOOD DEPRIVED work. Ive lost 20 pounds in 4 months and nights of sleep. There is no room for impatience- you will have a child in an adult body.
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I purchased a SMART pager online. Mom has a button necklace around her neck. I keep the pager on me 24/7. I also installed 2 VTECH baby monitors -- the cameras are portable so i watch mom 24/7 as that is on me too. The actual Cameras are mounted one in her bedroom and one in the living room. That way, i can do chores but always watching and listening. If she chooses to say my name; the monitor i carry picks up any change in sound-- cough, sneeze, something drops. She has a nighttime portable bedside toilet, a portable food service tray, and a toilet seat riser and hand bars where needed. Last, if you are concerned about sleep deprivatiin, mental and physical exhaustion -- dont bring her home. Its 10x worse than i imagined but just as rewarding ... now mom is on Hospice and soon, ill be cleaning her adult diaper. Shes getting too weak for toilets.
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JudyAnn; Much good luck to you and let us know how it works out!
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Yes, I am reading them. The answers were not encouraging so I have stopped defending my reasons and am just listening. My husband and I are going to go ahead and do a trial for 3 months. Thanks.
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JudyAnn5530, are you still with us?
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