We learned that since Fiancee has Medical& Financial Power of Attorney,he can be at the meetings his Dad's Social Worker sets up. She has has a fit. Even to the point of canceling it, saying it's just a Love Fest. How his Son does this and that. She is rude to me. Even accusing me of taking care of my Father- in- law for his Grant. He only pays me $1300 a month (Grant $1800). We pay for food and transportation costs plus tenth of $500.My Father- in - law is almost blind in 1 eye and is very hard of hearing. Besides stage 6 dementia. His Son thinks she wants him to okay putting him in a Nursing Home, but not of his choice. Is this wrong of her to coerce someone of not the right mind into something?
With a diagnosis of Dementia and he seems to be in the final stages, I too would wonder why she wants to see him alone. What does she think that would accomplish. He can no longer make informed decisions or understand what is being said to him. Your fiance has a right to be with Dad.
I would ask for a different SW saying that she is just not the right fit.
As reading 'dementia stage 6' & (technically) living alone rings massive alarm bells. The day comes when daily or multi day visits for med management & meals becomes insufficient & 24/7 supervision is required. But of course, just reading it & living it are different things.
Why do you think the SW want to see FIL without his son?
It may be SW wishes to gain insight into FIL's abilities when family are not present?
Eg My Mother can present polite, smile & nod at the right times for professionals when family are present. Can showtime. But alone? Would fail any MoCa type test. Lack of hearing & sight (without family to assist). Paints a very different picture of needs.
Another reason could be for safety. Has there been any prior conflict between SW & son? If SW ever felt unsafe, SW may request son not be there.
Father receives a grant of $1800 a month. POA Son is paying the OP $1300 of that to be his father's caregiver. Frankly, I think the son can consider himself lucky that there isn't already a formal investigation under way.
The social worker is concerned that father is not getting the care he needs, concerned about the OP's motives in agreeing to be the father's primary caregiver, and perhaps concerned that two people in love may not give this elderly disabled gentleman their undivided attention at all times.
Son with POA certainly is entitled to attend care planning meetings as his father's representative and decision-maker. But it's not actually the son's presence that the social worker objects to, is it. It's the OP's.
The social worker must of course not attempt to coerce any client into any sort of decision, regardless of the client's state of mind. But coerce is a strong word. Do you have examples of how she has attempted this?
Reading this summary, my 1st thought is: are the man's care needs central to this care plan?
As a fiance you should not be sitting in on these meetings. The man is not ur FIL. You should not be prevy to this man's personal information. Your BF is the only one who should be there with his father. There is no problem in you being paid for his care but there are probably guidelines with that Grant that needs to be followed.
You need to show where FILs income goes. You need to show what you contribute. You need to prove in writing where the man's money goes. You need to prove why you feel you are entitled to 1300 a month. Do you have a contract with the man? Does the grant allow u the 1300. You just can't take his money.
Why is the VA involved? Does the man use them for his health? Like going to the hospital to use their doctors. This SW can report you if she feel this man is being taken advantage of.
The SW should not address your BFs father. Her records should show the man has Dementia and as such, he cannot make informed decisions. That his son is his POA and she should talk to him.
Why are you fighting the SW in getting this done.
You have had problems for a couple of years now, you guys are not the best solution for this mans care.
Is this your fiance? He has POA for his dad? You want to attend meetings, with fiance with the social worker? Social worker thinks dad would be better off in a nursing home?
This might help others here.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-do-you-deal-with-the-va-social-worker-always-talking-to-my-father-in-law-who-has-dementia-469893.htm?orderby=oldest
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-the-elderly-to-think-of-death-all-the-time-i-know-its-been-hard-on-everyone-this-ye-462877.htm?orderby=oldest
After reading these, give over care to social worker and get out of his house. Go to your own home.