In my apartment building I have childless neighbors now in their early 90's. They are now both incapacitated and have dementia. Their care is managed long distance by niece and nephew. Their long distance cousin used to be involved but stepped out due to disagreements over care. The wife developed dementia and alienated even the most patient home health aides. The husband is in a hospital bed in the living room and his lovely and long suffering aide was replaced by the niece and nephew. I was away most of the summer and stopped by two weeks ago and then just now. The new aides strike me as very unfriendly, even hostile. I used to occasionally grocery shop for them and also bring baked treats and such, which is how I know about their cognitive and physical decline and changing circumstances.
So my questions: the wife has shrunk to nothing and the aide puts her in a wingback chair sideways with her legs draped over one arm and pillows behind her back. Is this a safe position? My second question is whether I should get the contact info for the niece and nephew and raise concerns about their care. I don't have much to go on other than a general feeling when I enter their home. The last time I was there the wife was half falling off the chair and the husband was having some sort of episode shaking against the bars of his hospital bed. Before she became unable to communicate well, the wife developed paranoia and made life difficult for the niece. The two of them definitely burned bridges but I still feel bad for them. I am told a nurse visits every week.
In my opinion, if the niece and nephew cared about these folks they wouldn't be in the position they're in, without even basic recliners and an insolent aide to "care" for them. I think a call to APS may get you further. Report to APS everything you've told us here. Do you know if the nurse who comes in weekly is a hospice nurse?? She may be, but as such, she's a mandated reporter too.
Good luck to you. You are a good human looking out for neglected elders like this, bless you.
Second option is find out the company the NURSE who visits one a week works for. Then give them a call and tell her boss how these people are living. Guaranteed her weekly reports on how your neighbors are doing is very different than how they actually are doing. Most homecare nurses do very little. They are famous for fantastic charting that is perfect though. The reports generally don't match the actual client/patient situation.
Other than doing this I would stay clear of their situation. Don't ask for family contact info or anything like that. Have a word with the building manager. Let them handle contacting family if needs be.
Also, everything isn't the aides' responsibility. All too often that mistake gets made by people. Others with a much higher paygrade than an aide like nurses, social workers, and physical therapists are responsible for getting them the medical equipment they need and making sure everyone on the care team is doing what is THEIR jobs. If the wife is down to skin and bones, that's for the nurse to address. Not the aide. We cannot force someone to eat. It's the nurse's responsibility to involve social work and APS if these people are unwell, living dangerously, and have dementia.
As for the aides striking you and unfriendly or hostile. I was an aide for 25 years before going into business. Let me tell you, it is not part of their job to be friendly or to smile at you. They don't work for you. They work for your neighbors. I couldn't tell you how many times some old biddy in a senior living apartment complex would complain about me because I wasn't friendly with them and didn't fill them in on a client's (their neighbor) business and health situation. It wasn't my job or my place to do that. It's no homecare worker's place to do that.
call the authorities.