Concern for secretive dad who lives across the country. Suggestions on dealing with silence regarding necessary contact information?

I think he needs to realize that he is tying your hands if there is ever an emergency. That a POA means that you can speak for him when he can't speak for himself. That you can't "take over" unless he is found by a doctor to be incompetent. That u have to abide by his wishes. That without a POA or at least your name on HIPPA paperwork, doctors don't have to talk to you. That temporary guardianship can be obtained in an emergency and someone else will be making the decisions on his behalf.

That without a Will, the state steps in and determines who gets what and takes their share. That you at least need to know where the important papers are. That there is a little black book in the kitchen drawer with all the important numbers are, like his doctors.

If he still is stubborn, then you will just need to let it go and pray there is never an emergency as such.

I was lucky. I asked Mom to keep all her important papers in a pouch I could easily grab and take. She paid her bills in one place. She had a drawer in her bedroom where all other papers were kept. She had 5 yrs of statements saved. No problem when I applied for Medicaid. Her Will and POAs were done. It made my life so much easier when I finally needed everything. Your Dad could at least do this for you. I have done it for my kids.

As long as your father is mentally competent, he is in charge of his life. He probably is concerned that you and other family members want to take his independence away from him. My mom not as secretive but has similar issues. I finally got her to see a lawyer to have documents for powers of attorney for medical and financial as well as her will drawn up. I also got my mom to make a notebook that contains her medical information, points of contact, etc. together and in a conspicuous place. She has a sign on the inside of her doors that tells EMS where to find her notebook. I have given Christmas cards to her neighbors with my contact information inside and let them know that I am her daughter. In my case, I can go see my mom weekly to "visit" and check up. Maybe you can initiate weekly video phone calls that can serve the same purpose.

It is up to your father what he does as long as he is competent. If he gets in trouble 911 will deliver him to the hospital. There they will take all the information they can get. Hospitals are now run by doctors called hospitalists, not by family physicians. You don't know any health history. If you are contacted tell them that he would share NOTHING with you, as in nothing.
Tell you father that you are tired of asking him, so you will ask him one more time where his important papers are; if he did a POA, or has a will, and if he doesn't want to share that, then that is just FINE, but you will not be there when he goes down to answer the questions that will need to be answered.
Then LET IT REST. It is OVER. He doesn't have to give you any information.
That you went to the manager of the complex I think is just fine as long as you provided only your contact number should there be a problem they note. They will be glad to have that information from you, and you are not breaching privacy if you didn't share private information; you are simply supplying your contact number.
So understand, if your father didn't have children there would be NO ONE he would be giving this information to. And he has decided not to give it to you. You cannot change his decision as long as he is competent to make it.

As long as your Dad is competent, it is none of your business who his contacts are.

All you can do is encourage him to have all his paperwork in order (Will updated since Mum died, POA, a list of accounts), you can also ask him for one trusted contact that you could contact if you are unable to connect with him for an expended period of time. It sounds like you have set up the trusted contact with the apartment manager.