My mother passed away in June after a lengthy and painful history of congestive heart failure. As the only daughter, I ended up as her caregiver, albeit that she was in an assisted living facility within a mile of my house because I had a very demanding business I could not give up. I have two older male siblings who did not help at all. During my entire life, I tried constantly to do everything to please and help my mother. She was the most important person in my life. My brothers had little contact with her and refused to assist me when I was desperate for help because of professional demands. I was facing extreme backlash in my professional life and clientele because of my need to be with my mother so much to meet her needs. I have a great husband who was always helping her with me. During the last month of her life, my mother told my brothers that my husband and I were abusing her, which was completely false. My brothers took that and ran. One filed an abuse complaint against me with the AL. The AL backed me up in the end, realizing that this brother was a nut and had never been around. The brother's contested my POA when my mother was desperately in need of nursing home care and hospice . In the end, the physician made the call. I was able to get her into a hospice and she passed away one hour later. The brothers never called to speak with her during her final hospitalization and stay. I had to plan the funeral. The brothers engaged in vicious emails and correspondence, attacking me for how I handled the funeral, despite their not contributing to the service or planning. The funeral was planned according to her wishes, and the other relatives said it was beautiful. One brother did not even show up to the funeral. The attacks were so vicious that I could have handed the emails to the police for disorderly conduct charges. I have since blocked their emails and phone calls. They can only communicate with me through U.S. Mail. As POA, they have threatened me with how I have handled her meager estate. They have also threatened my mother's broker with an SEC complaint. I have done everything exactly as her will specified. I received nothing more than they, despite doing everything for her. I did not expect anything more.
What has hurt me so greatly is that my mother threw me under the bus right before she passed away and brought these attacks against me. Throughout my life, she has done this to a lesser degree to make things easier on her with my brothers. I was always expected to sacrifice for them. She excused their behavior as being that "boys do not know how to do this for others" or that "I had to be the better person". One time, when I said that my work constraints did not allow me to speak all the time with one of my sisters in law when she was having psychological issues, my mother actually said that it would be my fault if she killed my brother. My sister in law never threatened my brother.
Now, I am having serious issues as to her betrayal during the last month of her life and am having difficulty dealing with my grief. I feel such anger with the woman I loved so much. Is this normal? My husband still feels betrayed, too, but not to the degree I do. I realize that dementia may have come into play, but she always made me a sacrificial lamb for my brothers my entire life. She told me she loved me, but this behavior lends some doubt. Has anyone else gone through this?