ohappyday, DIVORCE HIM!!! Listen to your son. Stop the cycle, it's never too late. Oh, I heard that garbage all my life, you can't be disrespectful to your mother, don't say anything that might be disrespectful, blah,blah,blah. He's 92 and probably has never shown YOU any respect. My mom recently went the lawyer route to revoke my POA, take me out of the will, accused me of theft and so on. After a lifetime of disrespect from her, she showed the ultimate in disrespect by doing that to me. That's a mom to be proud of . . . not. I am sorry you have gone through so much turmoil and heartache. Your post brought tears because I understand firsthand a lot of what you wrote. Words can't describe what it's like to have a parent treat you badly your ENTIRE life. You did your best. You showed respect. Now take a deep breath and start doing your best for you and show respect to yourself. You are worth it, dear lady.
happy.....was your father like this all your life..condescending to you? Where other siblings held up on a pedestal and you were not. Where the other siblings more like him? These are questions that lead to personality disorders that could be there all along.
There is should be a new concern in the USA, and I am a victim ... the elder abusing the elder...my father is 92 and I am 72....and the verbal abuse is more than I have been able to tolerate becasue you know I have been taught, and I have never gotten past the child stage..."have respect for your parents" and now he is a sweet old man to others, and back stabs, and most recently told the police I forced him to give me money, and I forced him to sign a paper, and allegations are being processed now. And, do you know, no one believes me....no one. I do have an attorney, who does believe,....but it goes beyond these few words and of the hurt....4 days after my sister's death, he writes a new will and gives me ZERO, and he sued me last year (no fight with my attorney he got $17,000 of my Dad's money) to get the homestead back in his name...to give to the neices. When he has asked that he have security now when I visit in the nursing home. I will not visit any more for fear of another lie...I am just posting this because NOT ALL ELDERLY MEN AND WOMEN ARE SWEET...be aware of how nice they are, and look at the faces of those who have tried to help them....they are the abused. To gain my insanity, and without any legal rights to take care of him, the burden is going to be on the ones who only wanted his money, and who went on a mission to get rid of me...the mission has been accomplished. My emotions are severe, and has had a toll on my work (I still have to support myself-no second income here)my children are sick of how I have taken the abuse and just because I happen to be born to him, it is my duty to take the abuse, I suppose. I am posting this because...not all elderly people are as they appear to the public caregivers, and are hurting adult children just becasue they THINK THEY HAVE THAT RIGHT...in my case, really it has always been that way, no matter, how many letters, how many phone calls, gifts, visits, it will never be enough...and I have just tried to understand. After this last action he took against me, would you believe he has his nurse write me a letter saying how much he loves me. Until these authorities see me, talk to me, they should be careful listening to the elderly who want nothing but attention at all costs...and think they can abuse their own adult children becasue they will always be there. Well, I am not there any more, no matter how many nice letters he gets his nurse to write....and I am not going back to see him...in fear of his accusations they will arrest me...and no one has spoken of what kind of abuse....loudly speaking, well he can't hear, and refuses to buy a hearing aid. Enough, finished, I owe nothing else to an abusive parent who has always abused, and when it was right to beat you until blood runs down your legs. I know that I have been a good daughter, and more than I should have been...and doting grandchildren should mind their own business! If anyone out there is in my shoes....it is time we divorce abusive parents at any age. It is either our life or theirs, and as one son said, "mom, the stress is going to put you under before grandpa, look at him, he is always smiling, look at you, alway crying, worried, and frustrated, and he is never going to change and show respect as his daughter,".
My mom recently went the lawyer route to revoke my POA, take me out of the will, accused me of theft and so on. After a lifetime of disrespect from her, she showed the ultimate in disrespect by doing that to me. That's a mom to be proud of . . . not.
I am sorry you have gone through so much turmoil and heartache. Your post brought tears because I understand firsthand a lot of what you wrote. Words can't describe what it's like to have a parent treat you badly your ENTIRE life.
You did your best. You showed respect. Now take a deep breath and start doing your best for you and show respect to yourself. You are worth it, dear lady.