Two years ago, my husband and I moved in with his father to care for him. I quit my job after we learned that he could no longer be alone all day.
Currently, we do not pay any rent ( the home is paid for ). We buy all the food, and pay for maintence issues, concerning the house.
My husband's hours have been cut, so money is tight. I cook all the meals, clean, shop, laundry and run my father-in-laws errands. I also, keep track of his expences and pay the bills.
I wanted to get a part time job, but now that is out of the question. He is due home from rehabin a couple of weeks. We promised him that he would not go into a nursing home. He will need full time, around the clock care, assistance with bedside commode, served meals ( been doing that for months), as well as all the previous duties. I do prepare special, soft meals for him, as he no longer wears his dentures.
Should I expect some type of small, monetary pay per month? He does receive more than enough money to do this. I do not expect much, but a bit would help tremendously.
I did call care givers and the charge is any where from 20-25 dollars an hour, three hour minimum.
Please, no harsh comments. He asked US to move in with him, and I have given up a lot in the process. Not so much my husband, as he still works.
I am also thinking of asking for him to pay for some type of respite care a couple of hours a month.
What is a fair amount? I am thinking a $ 100.00 per month.

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Mrmike, your mother needs care. Can she afford it? If you weren't around and she researched agencies that provide the kind of care she needs, could she pay for it? If so, you are home free. She pays you. End of problem.

If she needs care that she can't afford, then she (or you on her behalf) needs to research programs and services that she might be eligible for. In my experience, one great way to do this research is to call Social Services in her county. Explain that mother is diabetic and has care needs that she cannot afford and you'd like an intake assessment. The social worker who comes out will no doubt be very knowledgable about programs the county administers but other resources as well.

Once Mother qualifies for and enrolls in a program to get services, you may be able to be her service provider. For example, if she qualified for bathing aids, you can take a little training and become her bathing aid, getting paid what anyone else they send out would get paid. There may be some services you can provide, and others that take qualifications you don't have. You could do her housecleaning, but not provide her foot care, for example.

What is available and how it works for a family member to be involved varies greatly from one location to the next. Start your research at the local level.
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need financial assistance for caring for my lderly Mom. Looking for employment is definitely out of the question. Websites checked are futile as fa ras any real helpful information. Can you help me in helping my Mom?? Social Security benefits are not available to me for about two more years.
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If you don't askl for compensation from your father-in-law here are some ways you can get paid for caregiving:

"How Can I Get Paid for Taking Care of My Elderly Parents?"


10 Government Programs You Can Access for Your Elderly Parents
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$100 a month would pay for 4 or 5 hours on the open market. Yes, you are living rent-free, and that counts for something. But you are doing household maintenance as well as caregiving. And if it weren't for you he'd be in a nursing home. Check out those costs!

All of which is to say it is very hard to come up with exact formulas about live-in relatives as caregivers. I think that you should be paid, and that $100 per month is too low. What is fil doing with his income now? Saving it to pass on as inheritance?

Also, he absolutely should be paying for respite care, and more than a couple hours a month. That should be happening regardless of what he does or doesn't pay you. No one can be an effective 24/7 caregiver without respite.

Do you have POA and medical proxy? Use the lawyer who drew those up of another lawyer of your choice and make the agreement you come up with an official contract. This is to protect all of you in the future, in case fil needs to apply for Medicaid (even though it may not seem likely now) or there are any disgruntled relatives who might want to cause problem. A contract is not about not trusting fil to pay as agreed. It is to have a legal record of the agreement.

Should you "expect" some pay? Most of us are clueless about such things, as fil might be. It may never have crossed his mind to "expect" to pay you. But it is the right thing to do in this particular case.

And you probably will get some harsh comments. Read through the answers you get and select the ones that make the most sense to you in your particular situation.

And bless you and your husband for doing this labor of love.
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