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My mom is in a nursing home and has to share a room with another person. This is very hard to deal with at times. I was wondering if it is common and how others deal with roommates. I find it very sad that my mom has to lose her privacy and peace in the nursing home. It bothers me a lot.

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Since I wrote my answer over a year ago, my Mom [98] lived in long-term-care, self pay.

Mom had a room-mate and I was glad she did because of my Mom's late stage dementia [due to a fall with head trauma] she would forget she couldn't walk or stand, and would try to climb out of bed. Her room-mate was quite alert and would buzz the nurse any time my Mom got tangled in her own bed, or had fallen on a bed mat.
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You know what they say about the squeaky wheel, well room mate is the squeaky wheel. Staff don't want to deal with her so they just turn a blind eye. In a way I feel for her, she obviously wants a private room but can't afford it. Unfortunately in order to alleviate her own misery she feel it necessary to make those around her even more miserable than she is :(
The only resolution I can see for your mom is to work on moving to another room asap, anything else would probably escalate into open warfare.
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Every time i go i take mother out of the room. The problem is that mother is in a qheel chair and is unable to move herself around. The room mate is ambliatory and goes in and out. We meet monday with admin and other family. I justcwant to compromise. Let the curtain staybopen when the lady is out of room or move hrr to the side with no window. She put a note on the curtain saying do not open and we only opened it when she was out. It was closed before she came back and she would have known if her daughter had not told her. Ifvthey will not compromise who should be moved?
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Compromiser, if you don't get some satisfaction at the nh, involve the ombudsman. Your mother is entitled to full use of the room.

The other part of the solution is for mom to spend as little time in her room as possible. Sitting in one of the nice sunny common rooms, attending the activities, watching television on a large screen with a few other people -- all of these are better choices for persons who tend to be depressed, whether or not they have cooperative roommates.
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My problem is my mother has just moved into a nursing home from assisted living. Her new room mate has run 5 residents off and has had an employee fired. She will not let her room mstes look out windows, have say about heat or air controll, will not open curtain dividrr nor will she spesk to my mother. The administrater allows her to control the room. She pays for a double room but runs off residents so is keeping room private for less pay. How can he allow her to bully her room mates? She h a s treatened to have anither fired because i opened the curtain when she was out of the room. She has put a sign on curtain saying leave curtain closed. My mother is extremely depressed. I dont think we should have to move mother. I think the lady should compromise. The nurses say she will not. Other families have tried to fight her but the administrator wont make her compromise. Any suggestions????
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Okay, I have a Mom and a Mom-in-law in the same nursing home. One is private pay and one is on Medicaid. They both have private rooms. The one who is private pay will be on Medicaid when she is done paying down. She will still be able to keep her private room. I for one would not want to share a room with anyone, especially in my final years. We are in New York. I don't believe it matters if on Medicaid or not. Go for the private room. I think it is a matter of dignity. Of course, it is up to the family to do what is best for their parent or parents. My Mom has dementia and I know she would want a private room if in her normal mind.
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My aunt is Medicaid and hates sharing a room, but that is what has to be done. I am quite sure there is no way she can have a private room. I asked....If she had a private room she would be happier. She keeps the curtain closed around her to keep what privacy she can. Her roommate is a very very sweet person and would love to socialize with my aunt. It costs almost $6,000 a month for that half of a room, and I don't think there is any way Medicaid would approve for someone to offer to pay for the other side. marymember
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Yes it is common for nursing home residents to have room mates. When they build them it is very expensive to do bathrooms, so they can save money by having 2 or more people share.
It's like college dormitory--a lot of kids have their own room at home and then are shocked to have to share with someone they've never met.
Yes it would be nice if they all could have private rooms, but most nursing homes and dormitories are 2 per room. Even when I go on a scrapbook retreat they always just assume 2 people per room, and cruise ships also like that.
Personally I like to pay extra for a private room!
They need to teach the realities of Medicaid - style nursing homes to kids in high school, college, even before that! And maybe people would start saving their money, buy good long term care insurance, and be better prepared for these possibilities .
But it's not the end of the world for a senior to have a roomie. And they can always ask for a different one, but no guarantees of getting a better one.
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I know it may be hard to have your loved one in a "shared" room, but sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise. My mom shared a room with a woman who had no visitors and was very lonely. By being with my mom (even though mom didn't always remember things and repeated things, she talked to the woman) and when we visited my mom, we included the other woman as well. It seemed to help the situation for both of them. It's not always going to work, but sometimes you have to just try to make the best of things. Over time, the other woman (sadly) died, and mom was alone, but mom's condition was deteriorating, and she needed extra care. There appeared to be nobody filling the other bed until the end, which was also a blessing because we were able to be with her as a family and not bother anyone, or have anyone witness the hardships we saw her go through. Good luck and God bless you and your family as you try to deal with this issue.
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Ontario, Canada. My mother has a private room and bath. It costs almost $600 a month more than if she shared, but there's no way her highness would share.
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If you have enough money to pay the difference between a private room and a double you probably wouldn't qualify for Medicaid. I wonder if you have long term insurance that pays some but not all of the cost if that could be applied to the difference. I really don't know.

Two of my aunts lived in the care center in their community. I think one was private pay and the other Medicaid. They each had private rooms because that is all the care center had. It was a deliberate choice when the building went up. The rooms are teeny-tiny, but they are not shared. The center is willing to accept Medicaid. There are nice community rooms for conversing with visitors.
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My mother has a private room. She is probably paying the difference between what medicare pays and what it costs. I personally, would not want a roommate.
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Sometimes roommates become very helpful and attached to one another. My sister lives in a group home and loves her roommate. Even if a private room came up, I would not move them apart from each other.
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Yes, u can ask for a change.
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Rest homes are so different. Some rooms small and dark, others large and sunny. My mom is in a large sunny room. She is private pay at this time. I believe she would enjoy a room mate if there was one who was likeabe to her. I am surprised to say that. She seems more outgoing than when she lived at home. I think she would save around $1000 if she had a room mate. Complain and see if you can find a better room mate.
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JoAnn, I believe patients who aren't on Medicaid will share a room to help stretch out savings longer.

Those on Medicaid, their grown children might help pay the difference so that their parent could have a private room.
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So, you end up paying the difference correct? This I don't understand since your on Medicaid because you can't afford a nursing home. My Aunt paid $10,000 a month for a shared room.
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Medicaid does not require sharing a room. They simply limit what they will pay.
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When Medicaid is paying, you share a room. Like Jeanne said, if she is paying for it, she can get a private room. Don't think Medicaid will allow you to upgrade since you aren't suppose to have any money when on Medicaid. This is what I don't like about NH situations. No privacy and no room.
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Yes. It is very common.

Single rooms cost more. If Mom has the money she can buy some privacy.
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