Is it common for a parent that is now dependent on a son or daughter to resent or even disrespect the one who is caregiving?

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Why is this? When left alone with others Mom has a tendency to ridicule or undermine me . I have enough on my plate without this added stress.

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Stressed, it is usually the way it is. The parent talks about the children they never see like they are perfect. They are too busy or important to be involved in caregiving. The implication, of course, is that the one giving care must not be busy or important.

I often tell my mother that if she spoke to my brothers like she does to me they would never talk to her again. I don't add that they rarely do, anyway. I just think of myself like a Cinderella, doing the things that need to be done and trying to stay as positive as possible. It is better now than it used to be. I don't know how I made it through my first five years here. She was so disrespectful. Now it only happens when she's not feeling well.
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The rule of thumb is this: The closer you are to the fire, the more you feel the heat. The parent wants to control the child, not the other way around. If this is wearing you down, the healthiest answer is to move her to Assisted Living. That way she can complain about them and enjoy your company.
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Stressed - I'm fairly new here and the wealth of knowledge and experience here has been a sanity saver for me. After about a month here i know two things: I am not alone. No matter what the issue there is someone here -if not several - who are going through almost the exact same thing. Second - what I didn't know about dementia could fill a football stadium! I am now arming myself against this cruel disease and its aftermath as much as possible. As to your original question - I think some of it has to do with resentment and embarrassment. Once upon a time they fed us, wiped our hind ends and made sure we were safe. Now we do it for them - and at the same time are enjoying the freedoms and independence they are seeing slip away. It wasn't suspose to be like this, right? Now we are telling them what to do, how to live - sometimes down to even giving them an allowance. It doesn't matter that we don't want to be doing this either - we are and they can't. Then add in diminishing capacity for reason and you've got one angry, frustrated individual.
Good luck to you - I know how you feel!
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Stressed4real, I read your profile and you mentioned your Mom has Alzheimer's/Dementia.... thus what your Mom is doing is common, and there isn't anything anyone can do to change this behavior.

Arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can about Alzheimer's/Dementia. The Aging Care website has a lot of good articles that are short and to the point. Go to the blue bar near the top of the page and click on SENIOR LIVING.... now click on ALZHEIMER'S CARE... now scroll down the page to all these articles.
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