How can I coax my Mother, who has violent tendencies, to take her anti psychotic medication?

Brooklyn88 - this is only going to get WORSE and you have to find a placement for your mother.
I am in this boat with my own mother and have lived it up close & in color.

Mom has had a dementia diagnosis for about 15 years and untreated bi-polar & personality disorders most of her life. These past two years of psychotic episodes, breakdowns, suicidal attempts, violence, wildness, meanness has been h3ll on earth for her and us.

This is not something I can recommend dealing with in your own home, especially when others live there who do not deserve to live in a dementia & psychiatric ward. It's their home too and they deserve a nice, calm, serene place to come at the end of their day in the world. When this person is in your home, it will not be the restful haven it should be. Especially as things escalate with her. Dementia doesn't turn off or down psychiatric problems until much, much later.

My mother had the 4 of us all about ready to jump off the bridge when she lived with us only a few weeks. My teenagers were and are still afraid of her. Mom tried to plant seeds of suspicion and paranoia in my marriage. My family comes first. The minute I could get mom placed, I did. She could not be left alone for even a minute. Not even for me to use the bathroom. She would scream and yell that we had abandoned her. She would not let any of us assist with her meds, and she was taking all kinds of pills whenever it suited her. I know one of them was Ativan, which can't be taken "whenever". Missing it made her hallucinate and become wild.

This was not healthy for me, my husband, or my kids to remain around.

Mom needed specialized care above & beyond your typical dementia patient. She ended up being in independent living for a few months, and then moved into the skilled nursing unit after a bad fall. Eventually Mom ended up in a geriatric psych ward for 5 days after a big violent episode, and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. They changed a lot of her meds and got her on something that really turned down her anger, her paranoia, and her hallucinations (Risperidone). At discharge, she was moved into a special unit of the memory care unit where the people with deeper psychiatric issues need to be. It's very quiet in that unit, and very routine-based. I am best buddies with the psych nurse in that unit these days.

Some places don't have these units in a nursing home, so you will need to work with a social worker to understand what the options are in your community. Some memory care-only facilities can't handle advanced psychiatric behaviors, so the facility needs to be the right one. Other communities have the facilities in the hospital, which is the opposite of the way it is where I am.

It's not perfect and she will never be "normal", but she can't be hurt by the world or herself. Her ability to hurt staff and others is minimized as much as it can be without restraints. The people who work in this unit are saints.

Do NOT feel guilty for taking the necessary actions to keep your mom safe, well, and to protect your own private home space for your sanity and your family's.

Do you know how many years psychiatrists study and work under supervision before they can treat people on their own? Do you know the kind of training a psychiatric nurse has? Do you know that psychiatric wards or facilities for those with psychotic episodes are never staffed by one person? There is always backup. That nobody there would consider working 24-hour shifts, or to go weeks or months without days off?

I mean this kindly and in a supportive way, but just who do you think you are? Why should you be able to care for such a sick person single-handedly, without breaks, without backup, and while performing all the normal tasks of running a household and raising a family?

This is NOT about "your mother is an evil woman, abandon her" -- it IS about "your mother is a sick person and needs care one person cannot provide in a home settting."

Call 911 and have her sent to the local psychiatric facility. That is not "harsh" -- it addresses the harsh reality of your mother's illness. Several people in my caregiver support group had their loved ones in psychiatric facilities for stabilizing their medications.

It really does not sound like a safe situation in your home right now. And if she refuses to take her medications, it might not improve even if they find the right combination for her. I suggest that you try the psychiatric ward, but also start looking for long term care for her, in case that does not provide sufficient improvement.

Oh, I see. She is at your home. I misunderstood the last part of what you wrote. That does make things easier. You have received such good advice. You definitely need to let professionals handle her.

Why do you have to "coax" her? Are you her Health Care Proxy? I would simply put the medication in a spoonful of apple sauce, or ice cream or something to disguise the medication. Why fight over it? You're the boss. You're the "mom' (so to speak).

Brooklyn, I would say that your first duty here is to your son, to keep him safe and untraumatized. A hospitalization so that they can stabilize her on meds would be a Godsend, wouldn't it? What do you mean by repercussions ? Do you mean that she might harm you or harass you once she returns home? Is that a healthy environment for a young child?

Unless she can be stabilized on meds, it sounds to me as though you are looking at long term placement. ACS can and will remove a child from an environment that is deemed unsafe in this circumstance.

When someone has paranoia and is suspicious it is difficult to get medications in them. You can call the Alzheimer's association to see if they have any suggestions. It sounds as if she is living at home, you could try putting her meds in food but that doesn't always work. Sounds like she needs a complete assessment and a behavioral care plan. contact your local area agency on aging to see if there is an adult medical day care, it would be a great place for your mom to go once she becomes stabilized. You can speak with her primary care physician about this issue as well. Good luck.

Brooklyn, would you be able to stay in your mother's home if she went to psychiatric treatment for a while? If you would have to leave, can you afford to move. It sounds like you need to get your family away from your mother. The children, as well as the adults, need to be out of harm's way. Even if she did not physically harm anyone, the worry that she will creates a lot of stress. I hope you can get things worked out to get her stabilized and to make your family safe.

Francyn - if you tried that with my mother, you would be wearing that applesauce and the medication in it. My mom is very combative. She will hit, claw, spit, and fight anyone trying to do something she doesn't want, even if it's good for her. Some time-release meds can't be crushed up or diluted in something else.

I wish they'd formulate some of these meds in a patch that could be applied to the person's back or butt, so they can't take it off.