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My client is in her 80s and capable of ADLs but her son hired me to care for her since she has Alzheimer's and she lives kind of unhealthy (eating snacks and sleeping all the time). So sometimes when she's napping she'll constantly tell me to leave and go home but she is not my boss, her son is. Then, she'll say that it's her house and I'm like a homeless person staying there. I'm not sure what to do in this situation. Advice is appreciated!

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Suggestion: Have the caregiver tell Mom “thanks for being so considerate. Unfortunately, my ride won’t be here until [whatever time she’s agreed to be there] so I wonder if I might just wait quietly in here [some room that will not disturb Mom’s privacy] until they arrive? Meanwhile, if there’s anything I can help with as long as I’m here, please let me know.” I tried this with a woman whose son had insisted she have a caregiver. She complained, I kept showing up with a smile, and before long she asked me to make her bread pudding. I admitted I didn’t know how and that was the magic moment for her. She was now my teacher (and a very demanding one she was, of course). I learned to make bread pudding, and she got an active role in our relationship. Before long I was “learning” how to wipe off a counter correctly, how to clean a bathroom correctly, how to help her with exercises correctly, and even how to read to her correctly. As long as I loved her curmudgeonly self just as it was, we got along. Pretty soon I was the only caregiver she tolerated and I was also her son’s hero. May have been a fluke, but give it a shot if you can get the caregiver to agree to this role of “student”.
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my2cents Oct 3, 2019
Great way to handle the situation, lindabf!
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I would tell her after you take care of xyz you will head out. Then get busy taking care of those items.

Try to stay busy and out of her way while she is wanting you to leave.

Talk to your employer about this and ask them if they want you to say anything specific.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Cookiebear Sep 30, 2019
Thing is, there isnt much for me to take care of. My regular duties are to cook rice and make sure she eats her meals as well as making sure she takes her meds which is 10mins before I head out. She honestly doesnt even want me touching anything so there is no excuse for me to do anything in her house. She also doesnt want to eat dinner so I'm not sure what to do about that either even though it's part of my daily duties
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My husband’s grandpa fired his caregiver every day. Typical for some elderly to do so. He couldn’t be left alone. My in laws hired live in help at his home and he told them to go home daily.

The caregiver was warned about his behavior and she ignored it and went about her business. It’s unfortunate these things happen but kind of goes with the territory.

I wouldn’t expect any personality changes from him this late in the game. He is most likely set in his ways.

I wish you well and hope things go as smoothly as possible.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I don't know what your training level is with dementia and als, but you may want to reach out to your local Senior Services and ask if there are any programs for a caregiver of a patient with dementia or if they can direct you to some. Where I live there is and it helped me tremendously. I learned to understand the behavior and it made things less stressful for both. It is still a tough road to tread. Maybe you can, as suggested above, leave the area when she goes into her rant. When you return try to redirect her into some fun kind of thing. Check with her son what she used to like to do. Simple easy things. I have learned from visiting the nursing home that if dementia patients are not kept busy they get all kinds of strange behaviors. Did she like cooking? Maybe she can help you cook the rice, peel the potatoes, fold towels, anything easy that she can do with out frustration.. My brother was a musician - I bring easy music sheets and have him name the notes or symbols. He spends hours doing this and loves it. I also have him draw music out of music sheets.
I hope some of these suggestions can help you. There is a lot of good advice in this forum. Patience is also key. Best of luck to you and all involved.
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Reply to montanacmm
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Sometimes we just have to let it go. I think that she can eat what she wants, getting her meds is important maybe. Maybe she doesn't need anything. If she is 85 and has Alzheimer's then trying to change her lifestyle is an exercise in futility, as you are discovering.

Have you talked to her son and asked if he has any ideas how to deal with mom?

I would ask about maybe going outside for a bit to try and reset her time. Such a difficult situation to be in.
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gdaughter Oct 3, 2019
YEah, this client is a total PIA. Just like my mom. And yet, you're needed for safety. One day when we tried an aide, I was walking out with the aide and she was behind me a couple feet and as we left the room mom was in, she heard mom say "Get LOST." We both giggled but didn't know which of us it was meant for. Maybe the son needs to watch mom with cameras being set up, and just make sure someone like a neighbor or someone will pop it to make sure the meds are taken, if they are essential. Maybe they could be taken at a different time of day. The problem from the son's perspective is probably wanting to do his best to keep mom safe, and the agency is probably saying he can't have service for less than 4 hour shifts.
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The client doesn't get to decide as her brain is broken.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Thank you guys for your answers! :)
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Reply to Cookiebear
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talk to the Son, maybe the two of you can come p with a plan
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Reply to Gardena
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It sounds like you're there late afternoon until dinner time ?
frankly, this is the toughest part of the day
is there anyway you can suggest to son to maybe switch up and be there late morning, cover lunch and leave as she goes down for a nap ?

they get tired, cranky and sundown in the afternoon

if you can connect with her earlier in the day then it might help and she may even take up a little activity with you that she'll begin to look forward to - puzzle, short walk weather permitting etc
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Reply to MsMadge
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Why would you listen to an ALZ person. You can’t listen to anything they say.
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Isabelsdaughter Oct 4, 2019
That is so true!
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