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She is 89 yo. She has dementia and is in a Nh.She can feed herself and dress herself. She doesn't like anything. Especially she doesn't like anything I give her. Her room is very small and some of the residents steal her stuff. She doesn't like knick knacks. She can't use gift cards. She doesn't like my cooking or my baking. I thought of making her some choc chip cookies, but I know she wouldn't like them. She won't read magazines or do puzzles and no books either. She won't wear the clothes I buy for her. Candy or cashews are out b/c of her teeth situation. Nothing for her room would be right. She can't write letters so stationery is out. Jewelry is out she has tons of it that she never wears. I thought of some nice soap until I cleaned out her house and saw all the nice soap I used to give her, still sitting in the cabinet. So I am at a loss. No matter what I buy her or make for her or give her it is wrong. In fact, I am wrong, wrong, wrong. Please help me.

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If she's allowed to leave the NH, how about a quiet dinner at one of those beautifully decorated restaurants? Lights of different colors, the ambiance. Sounds magical, doesn't it? It can be.

That's where I used to take my mother when she least expected it. I'd put a corsage on her wrist, open the door, pull the chair, and let her order whatever she wanted. (Last time we "dated" she wanted the waiter. I was mortified, but hid it well.)

Make it special. Give her a precious memory.
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I totally agree-I wouldnt waste my time. My only suggestion would be put money into her fund that she has at the nursing home and then if she has the need to buy something the money is there for her. Otherwise dont fret about it. My narristic mother is the same way-family is down to giving her money, which she dont need and to me giving money is boring and a let down in buying gifts for someone
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I would make her a small book of pictures and people that are dear to her so she can look at it when she is lucid. If her dementia is severe, will she even know whether you gave her anything or not?
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Maybe she would enjoy a soft stuffed animal. Something she could stroke or snuggle.
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I was thinking of getting my Mom a Hallmark recordable book -probably "All the Ways I Love You" and having my daughter record it if she can. You read the book and it records your voice and then they can play it back anytime they want. I think you can add words, like their name and your name but not sure.
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Brandywine, why do you feel you must give her something for Christmas? Is that for your sake more than it is for hers? It doesn't sound like getting a gift from you would make her happy, and if it isn't to make her happy, what is the purpose of bringing a gift?

If she owns something that she really likes but it is wearing out, getting her an exact duplicate (if that is possible) might work. Otherwise, I think I'd skip it.

Instead, what about bringing treats in for the NH staff? Fulfill your own need to do gifting that way.
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My MIL with dementia loves being taken for a pedicure. The nail technician drew flowers on her big toes and she just adored looking at her own feet.
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It's a remembrance so it doesn't have to be the gift of the century. Last year was my Mom's 1`st in an AL for memory care. She is often chilly. So I gave her a cardigan sweater. She thought that was a great idea!. After she opened it and admired it, I put it in one of the drawers of her dresser where it wouldn't be used. Guess what her gift will be this year. The same blue sweater! Other thoughts: Some interesting socks, hand creams, face cream you can help her use during visits. If she likes flowers, how about a nice artificial flower arrangement? (no watering, no dead flowers!) What items does the NH provide? Liquid soap? You can probably get her a nicer one. PJs? Happy shopping.
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My mil is in good health but in a memory support unit in AL, and for her first Xmas there last year I bought her a small (about 12" high) Xmas tree from QVC. She loves it and has kept it displayed all year. It's preset to go on at a certain time, and turns off automatically 4 hrs. later.As the lights get dim we replace the batteries since she finds that too confusing. It acts as a nightlight for her. I suppose you can say this is a knick knack but it does serve a purpose. Another idea is a flameless candle on an automatic timer, or a seasonal decoration for her door. I no longer give her gifts of food, since she "saves" the cookies, nuts, cake, etc. too long and they get stale and go uneaten. This year I will get her some nice scented soaps since she buys the cheapest generic soap when she takes trips to the dollar store, etc.
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I am putting together a scrapbook for my mom for Christmas. Inside is our family tree, her high school diploma and some college homework, a page for each family member with photos and memorabilia, pet pictures, poems, maps, and hand written memories. It allows my creative side some play time and it's fun reminiscing plus I am learning more about our family history. Hopefully, mom will enjoy it as much as I do.
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