My husband and i had no choice but to begin care for my mother around the clock now our marriage of 43yr is ending because of mom. We had to relocate from PR and currently staying with our son an pregnant wife my mom would not come without her dog cat bird my son has 3 dogs my husband vet has stage 5 scirosis of the liver (exp to agent orange in VN)and I care for both of them they both accused me of favoring one over the other my mom has dementia arthritis MS Diabetes and loosing her sight and is unable to walk she only feeds herself. im in the process of getting a home for all of us but not having any luck everything is to high. Im at the point where Im loosing my patience had a panic attack since I cant deal with the arguments no time whatsoever for me to be by myself dont get much sleep since I constantly check on my mom to make sure she is still in bed and with my husbands shaking leg syndrome and there are the dogs trying to gt at each other please reply to my letter and advise me of how can I resolve this. I love my mom but i love my husband too and he needs me to care for him. how do Choose?

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a dam decent looking woman caught me leaving the beer store last week and started gushing all about my cool truck and such . i looked out and saw a big , stupid dog bouncing all over the bed of her pickup truck . i disengaged with her as quickly as possible then left the premises before she exited the store . that big stupid animal isnt even on the first 6 pages of my priority list .
juss sayin . i like animals more than i like animal lovers . most animal lovers live in a constant state of denial as to how much of their energies are consumed by something that essentially eats , s#its , and squawks ..
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It sounds like your mom is requiring constant care. I would inquire if she qualifies for Medicaid as well. That's different from Medicare. Patients who are disabled and need daily assistance may qualify upon certain conditions. You may need confirmation from her doctor regarding her condition.

If she has the funds to self pay, then I would explore that as well.

It's very challenging to provide total care around the clock for people who have dementia and medical conditions. If your mom was thinking clearly, do you think she would want you to get help for her without ruining your own health?

It normally takes 3 shifts of people who are young, to take care of people who are in your mom's condition. I know that I would not attempt such a thing. I tried for a short time to care for my cousin and it caused me many health issues. It's very stressful, as you know. I wish you and your family all the best.
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FF has answered you very tactfully. I am sure that her suggestion of a facility with greater expertise in caring for people with dementia is a very good suggestion. I am almost equally sure that you will have a knee-jerk reaction against the idea of "putting your mother in a home." Well, don't. You have to consider everybody's needs. It is not possible to give everybody their "wants" as well.

And speaking of needs... Your pregnant daughter in law must be fit to be tied. I'm sorry, but I'm going to burst if I don't say this - on what planet does anyone think it fair or reasonable to inflict grandma, ailing father, frantic mother, dog, cat and bird on a household where a new baby is soon due?

Make a better plan, fast.
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Aristud, you definitely have your hands full, no wonder you are now standing at the edge of the cliff.

My gosh,what if something happens to you? Who would take care of your Mom and your hubby? I doubt your son and his wife would be able to do it with a new child on the way.

Is there any way your Mom could apply for Medicaid? You wrote your Mom needs around the clock care, and Medicaid would help pay for her care in a continuing care facility [nursing home]. Just let Mom know, if she understands, that she now needs a HIGHER level of care. I know, easier said then done. But you need to start somewhere.

Then you and hubby can look for a place of your own, and take Mom's dog, cat, and bird with you so Mom will know the animals are getting a good home.
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