Should I have to choose between my dad and my spouse of 31 years?

Rooster, I think I know what is going on.... your husband's parents have passed this year so he is jealous that your father is alive. Some parents don't pay anything living with a grown child, your hubby should be grateful for that.

I have been dealing with something similar with my sig other who's parents passed on in their 80's years ago, but my parents lived into their mid and late 90's [Dad is still here and lives in Assisted Living]. Sig other still whines and complains. He wasn't comfortable visiting my Dad when Dad was in Independent Living, the place was like a really nice hotel, but sig other didn't like seeing people with walkers or scooters. Now he probably won't visit Dad in Assisted Living with just about everyone has walkers or wheelchairs. That really is a thorn in my side because he acts that way. We are both 70 years old, and he's afraid that might be his reality some day.

How old is your dad? Is there a long-standing dislike between your husband and your father, or is this a new phenomenon? Have you been paying less attention to your husband since your dad moved in? Do you feel like it's changed your relationship with your husband (less alone time, less going out time, less time to do fun stuff)?

There should be options (Medicaid if necessary) that would help your dad live with other seniors so that he can have some socialization and live in a setting where he is cared for and not totally alone. It's not worth it to break up a marriage of 31 years - your priority is your husband, in my opinion. When you marry, your immediate family shifts to that of your husband and any children you might have. Your father is second in priority. That's assuming this change hasn't brought all kinds of existing problems between you and your husband to a head and this is just one indication of a relationship that was already having major issues.

My dad is going to be 78. My father n law and mother n law lived with us for a couple years. They both passed away this year while they lived with my sister n law. My father n law was on medicaid and was dying of pancreatic cancer and could not get approved for a facility. His mind was still there so he was rejected. My dad has 30% lung capacity, gets out of breath every 10 steps. He is very sharp in the mind though. My husband says he doesn't do anything, he's lazy, that's why he wants him out. I rarely spend time with my dad so it doesn't cause problems and that isn't right either.

Your FIL and mil lived with you. He owes you the same treatment.....you put up with 2 for 2 yrs, your dad should get 4 yrs before hubby starts complaining