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Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't the children naturally/normally take the initiative and care of their parents with nursing home details, etc?

One child (A) lives within 5 hours and the other (B) 1 hour. "A" does her dealings over the phone leaving it to the grandchildren to pull it off. "B" doesn't know what to do and leaves the grandchildren with decisions.

This burden has been weighing very heavily on the grandchildren as they don't know what to do and their parents aren't taking the load.

What are your thoughts?

Thanks you

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i am taking care of my grandmother because she has pushed everyone else away no one can stand to be around her anymore, and after almost 6months she is doing it to me too.
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What sort of decisions are they leaving to the grandchildren? It's almost exactly like my case except my mum can't help due to her own very serious health problems (she lives 2.5 hours away as well) and I have not had to take any decisions. Nor do I expect to. That is their responsibilty. However, as I'm the closest relative (aunt also lives 5 hours away) I'm popping in fortnightly to the independent living village my grandfather has moved into. To be honest, I am a little bit worried about what expectations of time commitment there will be if he needs more high end care and things like being taken to doctor's appointments (but volunteer organization has been good with that so far). Hopefully, when the need arises, my mum and aunty make the correct decision to move my grandfather into a home closer to my aunty even though this was offered before the move to the village and he wouldn't consider it. My deceased grandmother's large family, dad, uncle and brothers want nothing or little to do with him due to his past behaviour. Apart from aunty and mum (who obviously can't visit often), I'm the only relative who visits :(
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I'm also confused as to your interest if as stated it's not your place to "pitch in". It sounds as though the situation could be complicated enough as it is without oversight or "observation."
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If the grandparent hasn't chosen anyone, then no one has POA.

I am still confused. Can we take another stab at clarification?

GRANDPARENT: Age? Medical status? Financial status? Living at home or in facility, etc?

MIDDLE GENERATION (children of Grandparent, Parent of Grandchildren) How many? How far away geographically from Grandparent? Ages?

GRANDCHILDREN How many? How old? Locations relative to the Grandparent? Prior relationship with Grandparent? (Close, saw often, visited one each summer, what?)

This may help us sort it out.
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Unfortunately, it is not my place.
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Maybe, as a "family observer," you can help out by pitching in.
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Unfortunately the grandparent hasn't asked or chosen anyone.
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Grandchildren it is then!

Their grandparents chose them to look out for them in their time of need and they agreed..
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Thanks for the help.

The children (25-40) have POA from what I understand. From what I'm aware of, they did meet over what to do, but nothing really has changed decision-wise. I'm just a family observer (separate family branch).
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It's possible that the parents are up in the air also because their grandparents are not discussing/have not discussed this matter. My FIL has everything in apple pie order, with us knowing exactly what he would wants and what resources we'd have. My mother, on the other hand, has refused to discuss anything and we didn't know what resources we had until we need to arrange care. If this were my kids, they'd be asking for a family meeting with us and their aunts and uncles.
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I cannot imagine doing that to my kids.

How are you in the picture? A grandchild?
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Who has POA?

My kids would tell me to screw if I left my Mom's care up to them! It's not there responsibility..
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Every family is different with different family dynamics. If the grandchildren don't know what to do, they should ask their parents. You don't mention ages of the grandchildren, their experience in caregiving, or their physical locations - those would be factors as well.

But my question would be what is your role and interest? Are you one of the grandchildren or an observer?
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