Child adopted as baby in Ireland in 1950’s has been primary caregiver. Both parents are in 90’s and Narcs, changed will last year. Advice?

Sadly, many many times I read there is no-one else. That being the reason someone is stuck. No-one to be the caregiver, no-one else to care, cook, clean, step & fetch, do the drudge work.

Yet, if the stuck person didn't ever exist, moved overseas, broke their leg or even just said No, other solutions would indeed be found.

Eg A story told to me that stays with me: Mother with dementia. Refused to move. Dutiful son checked in daily, then twice daily. Brought meals, washed, cleaned, did meds. On call, rushed over for every emergency. Well stuck.

Other family said time for MC or NH. Dutiful son said no.

Family said hire help. Dutiful son said no. She had no-one else, won't accept anyone else.

Dutiful son died of a heart attack. Mother swept up by Social Services, a social admit to hospital, then MC.

I do feel it is a choice.

To choose to be the Captain, going down with someone else's ship. (Like that son)

Or being a Pilot reaching for your oxygen first so you can breathe & land the plane.

If you choose to be the Pilot, tell people! Find out who can advice you. Most importantly Take Action. Thinking & talking about landing a plane won't do it. The right advice & action will.

You posted this on the 6th

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/narc-mother-abusing-and-disinheriting-me-ripped-up-all-my-photos-and-is-leaving-all-to-son-467851.htm

You received comments on that post. Is your 90yr old Mom able to care for herself? What are her limitations? How long have u been doing the caring and how old are you. You now live in the States?

You need to have a plan. See what resources are available for Mom. Does she have money where she can hire someone to help her? If old enough to still find work, find a job. Where I live there are ads on Facebook every day for job openings. Do you get SS? If so, under 66/67 you can make a certain amount a year. Over those ages you can work as much as you want. I have friends that are 72 still working full-time. Get set up and then find a place you can afford. Once you do that, contact brother and tell him you are done. That she is now his responsibility and you are not going to care for her anymore because...she no longer considers you a daughter. Give him the phone # of APS. Do not give him any of your information. Do not do an address change. Call ur creditors individually and give them ur new address...a PO Box. I say this because when I changed Moms address so her bills would come to my house, all her junk mail followed with my address on it. It only takes a search on the internet now to get ur new address. So, a PObox is safer. Post office is not allowed to give out ur address. Move away from the town she lives in. You owe her nothing.

You deserve to create and live your own life! You are being abused.
1. Make a written plan.
2. Do not move nearby.
3. Contact the son. Do not allow him to convince you to stay.
4. Move forward with your life.

Leave them and make yourself a life. There is no answer in staying with them. Let the son arrange care. Give him notice of your date of leaving. Wishing you good luck. You will have to make changes to make your own life; no one else will be able to do that for you. I hope you have good ans supportive friends to help in the steps forward.

Wow! Well I sure hope you're not living with them, and if you are, it's time to say goodbye. Time to start a new life with people and friends that truly care about you. The saying is true that says that we don't get to pick our families, but THANK GOD we get to pick our friends!!! And usually they end up being much better than family anyway. So cut your losses, and move on with your life, away from these toxic people that are nothing but poison to you. You deserve SO much better!!

Have you actually seen the supposed new will? Were they competent to change it? Was it them that told you this? If this actually happened, time to move on and take care of yourself. The sooner the better.

I am so sorry your parents are such pieces of garbage. I understand the pain you are going through even though you understand what these people are they were still your family. Stop ALL caregiving efforts for them now and start taking care of yourself. There are support groups for children of narcs too.