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He has alzhimer's. The annuity is in a trust with the beneficiaries being his four kids and myself. I took out money to increase our bathroom shower to make it easier to get in and updated our kitchen. My step son said I committed fraud because I used undue influence and I have to pay back the money. Help!

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As for the son he is also a holder of a life insurance policy for $60,000 on his dad. That will be split between his two sisters and brother. The bonds are all gone.
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Igloo I am lucky that my husband stated in the trust that I have life estate in the condo. I would be responsible for condo expenses including all taxes and insurance. The condo will go to the children after I die. But I have the option up to 5 years to sell and receive half of monies received if I choose to leave.

We have two accounts with both our names and I also have a separate checking account in my name only.

You have been very helpful. Thanks!
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Follow Igloo's advice, well known for being expert opinions on this forum.
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Also, ask the NAELA attorney about the son's pre-death distribution of Dad's cash bond assets to the son. He's got his inheritance, is that all?
Limit the son's power to take any more funds or to distribute them if you can.

Also, keep your finances as separate as possible from your husband, but ask about this. You will need separate funds, and you are allowed to protect your assets by law.
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It is perfectly acceptable to use someone's funds (that you are fiduciary for) to repair, remodel, or purchase for the home in which they reside for their benefit.

Passing this on from rules and regs. of social security representative payees, in which the rep-payee is accountable to the government for finances.
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Seyon48 - I would try my best to defect any confrontation with the son for the immediate future. Perhaps say, "you know last year we spent $xxx in Hawaii and and this year we're having our Hawaiian vacation forever in our bathroom. It's a great renovation and dad is so happy, it makes bathing better..." make this your mantra for the time being.

I would contact a NAELA attorney on your own -& not anyone associated with the firm that did the trust either - to get an appointment for yourself to discuss your situation. This site has a drop down list by state and really get one who is NAELA certified. Sonny is nitpicking on this and I'd bet as dads Alz increases, Son is only going to be more controlling on what he views as dads $. My initial feeling is he views all assets not your & dads $ but dads. Being a 2nd or 3rd wife with grown children from the first marriage is ripe for all sorts of dramarama. You are going to be focused on hubs care & needs and it's hard enough without family interference or second guessing what you do.

If sonny has online access to your checking account or sees the credit card statements, you may need to set aside some cash in the next week weeks to pay your atty too. So you may need to remind yourself to get the cash withdrawal added on each time you buy things, ok?

Try to find time to pull together all your & hubby financial info. If you like your FA, I'd ask to set up a meeting under the guise that it's coming to the end of the year and I just want hubs & I to review where we are as you never know how Alz can progress. I'd try to play dumb too & get all this years statements just to be able to review.....do not mention your seeing an atty either! But you already know that!

As a 2nd wife & as one who most of my friends are 2nd & 3rd wives with kids (we have an 18 yr old), what often happens is that things are all sunshine & lollipops till the first marriage kids realize that 100k liquid every year is going to need to pay for dads eventual care (or pay for round 2 kids college) & that inheritance is going to reduced. If sonny is carping about a one time 20k bathroom & kitchen renovation now, he is going to be impossible when cost of care expenses are needed happen & needed to be paid every month. Do what you can now to set it up so that, so you can spend as need be for hubby & yourself in the future. The NAELA atty will have options on this.

Out of curiosity, what happens with the condo if dad dies or he needs to move from it? How is it owned? try to get a "usafruct" on it or anything else you both use but you do not own or not guaranteed to be community property to you. Usafruct aren't in all states but most excellent IMHO for later wives to be able to continue their lifestyle if husband dies or goes into care as it enables you to stay in or use a property for the rest of your lifetime unless you choose not to. I'm in Louisiana and they are pretty common for a way to deal with assets. Ask the NAELA atty about this possibility for you if need be.

Good luck and let us know what happens!
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We have talked for years about updating the condo and now was a good time to do it, because we use to go to Hawaii for three months, which is not possible because of the Alzheimer's. The thing that bothers me is his son had his father cash in all his savings bonds that was to be left to him after his dad died. He wanted his father to sign off on them before he couldn't respond to the tellers questions. This was in the last year and his father had Alzheimer at that time too.
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No he has not witness any coercing. His son has joint poa with me. My husband is in stage 2 Alzheimer. He talked with our finance advisor before signing the paperwork over the phone to approve distribution of the money. There is nothing in place to reduce payment post death distribution.
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1. What "proof" does your stepson have of your alleged fraud? Did he witness you coercing your husband, something like that?

2. In whose name is the annuity? Your husband's only? Or was it retitled in the name of your husband's trust, which would be required if it were "in the trust."

3. Has your husband created a DPOA naming you as his attorney-in-fact? If so, were you acting under that when you withdrew some of the funds?

4. What stage is your husband's Alzheimer's? Did you discuss withdrawal with him before doing so, or would he not have been able to understand the issues?

5. Does the trust include a provision that any heir's share taken prior to death would be reduced in the post death distribution? I.e., if you take your share now, that's it for you and the remainder goes only to the children named.
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I think you need to contact the lawyer who set up the trust.
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Is stepson an attorney? What "undue influence"? If the trust is sliced up like a pie with each adult child and you getting a slice why can't you use your slice now to improve your home? That's what logic tells me but I am not a lawyer.

I'm not sure that the stepson is as concerned about fraud as much as he's concerned with his inheritance.

I'm sure someone who knows more than I will come along. That's what's great about this site.
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