Follow
Share

Estate is divided 50/50 with sisters family who provide no help, we care for her 24/7.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Midkid58, one practical concern that I have with your mother helping your brother so much financially concerns medicaid. If she ever needs to apply for medicaid because she has run out of money and must go to a nursing home, the five year look back will see a lot of gifting that will keep her from qualifying for medicaid that I believe medicaid will expect her son to repay which he is not able since he can hardly survive as is without her money.

Who is her durable and medical POA? Has she seen a doctor recently?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Roseinwinter, I never wanted payment for taking care of my beloved father either, until I had to quit my job of 8 years in order to take care of him and, subsequently, became broke. If I couldn't support myself on my father's monthly income, I would not be able to take care of him at all. But, as it is, I care for him 24/7 -- literally, as I sleep poorly because of listening for any trouble from my father's room. Why respond at all if you weren't going to offer a legitimate answer to her question. It wasn't so offensive that it called for your pointing out something bothering you. As for avcm/caregiver, it sounds like your mom has an "estate" to leave. It is only an estate after she's gone. Are you and caring for her and paying for her needs and letting her income go into the bank while your sibs are doing nothing for her but going on about their own lives undisturbed? Whatever your loved one has is there for the purpose of caring for her, not for the purpose of having something to leave for others. Medicaid is useless unless there is almost no income and 0 assets of any kind. Assuming you have power of attorney, get a trusted eldercare lawyer to help you make a budget for your mother's care. If you do not have poa -- speak to the attorney about THAT first. These are questions that have to be asked in order to keep from drowning while trying to care for someone very dear to you (us).
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

midkid58, a couple of things. You contradict yourself for one. How is your mother independent and aware of things but at the same time she should be in a NH? That makes no sense.

She is living with your brother not you. If he is driving her places and putting a roof over her head, why shouldn't she contribute to his household.

And how are you taking care of your mother as your profile says? She lives with your brother and you said he drives here everywhere. So what role do you play?

You sound more like the critical do nothing sibling.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

samara, I agree that many solutions can be done by the individuals involved. But when there is high possibility of conflict among sibling or other family, going the route of hiring a professional may well be worth the extra expense.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You do not always need a lawyer to set up a Contract. All you need is a description of what services or goods are being contracted for and the reimbursement rate, the dates/times the contract is covering, and maybe the location of services/goods, and who will supervise any claims or controversies that may arise if someone claims Beach of Contract. There's contracts being signed by the millions world-wide for various reasons. Go online and you will find all sorts. If you have a good head on your shoulders and can put into writing exactly what your mom wants or needs, that you are willing to offer, and at what price, go for it. Lawyers cost so much money, for the same work and to boot then they think they own your family....other siblings will call them up with senseless chatter and perhaps that lawyer would rather send the bill to your mom or her estate than the sibling. Whenever you "call lawyer" you better be prepared to spend thousands of dollars, and never know when the "lawyer-client relationship" ends or to whom the invitation will be extended for all those (expensive) phone calls. I understand some lawyers might have better ethics than this, but in 30 yrs of 12 diff lawyers for various reasons, they have all been 1/very expensive, and 2/ very vague about billings. I even had Legal Insurance at one point for a business need, and it was a total waste of money. Always try to find your own solutions--go online, or visit a library, do your own research and don't just rely on "the lawyer said to do this and it cost me a few grand so it must be right."
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

roseinwinter, good for you. You made your choice. Each circumstance is different and one-size does not fit all concerning compensation for parental care.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you want to be paid, and I don't see why you shouldn't, set up an agreement NOW on a pay-as-you-go plan. You are the one doing the work, so you are the one to be compensated for that. Then splitting anything remaining when Mom dies is less unfair.

See an Elder Law attorney to ensure doing this correctly, especially if your sibling is apt to question it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm with Pam on this one. No such a thing as a "caregiver's agreement". All agreements, basically contracts, are signed, and often witness by at least two parties. The Law of Contract applies.
The cared-for one is the first person to sign any agreement for their care.. Other participants in the care may sign, offering their services. No caregiver can set themselves up as a lone signee, expecting to get paid.......( by whom? When?).
Any lawyer who tells you otherwise is incorrect.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Just my opinion, but I took care of my father and I would never want any money to take care of him. I was his daughter.My screen name is my Dad's name.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My Mother lives with my brother. She has always paid for a lot of the things associated with running his house. PLUS she sometimes picks up the house payment and always pays for car maintenance and gas for her car as my brother drives here wherever. He "earns" about $700-800 a month. BUT mom is independent and aware enough of things to do this of her choice. (I learned this little dynamic and the reason WHY brother won't opt for a NH for mom (she really, really should be in one) is that he cannot financially make it from month to month if she didn't do this. If the person is not mentally capable of making financial decisions, I am pretty sure you'd need lawyers involved and the rest of the siblings, too. However, my mother will leave us with nothing, so none of us cares that she's helping out my brother & his family.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

BettyA2007, this is a not a Medicaid situation. It sounds like the OP's mother has some assets. I would talk to an attorney, and I also think the adult caregiver child should receive more(if there is anything left) than the do nothing sibling. You give up your time, your energy, and many times compromise your own health. That needs to be recogonized.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Be careful about elder lawyers. Had a real bad one in Cincinnati. Went with a regular lawyer who I felt good about, I have financial power of attorney, keep all receipts but I am not too diligent about keeping records, but realize that I am taking care of my mom, that is what is needed--my sisters don't help, but that is their problem.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

There are programs under the medicaid waiver where a family member (you) can be paid to be a caregiver. I would call your local Area Agency on Aging and see if you are in a state that has that type of service available. No permission or attorneys required.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

No, Mom is the only one who could do that and only if she had the legal capacity. An attempt on your part may be challenged latter in Probate Count alleging "Undue Influence". Any unauthorized transfers of Mom's money or assets could also result in adverse consequences.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I would see an elder care lawyer. You should be using her funds to help pay the costs of her care. If you have to place her in a nursing home they will definitely do so until she is impoverished. The money was for a rainy day and it is raining.
Keep records to show you are using the funds for her and her needs.

As far as paying for your care of her, ask the lawyer. If you have to hire home health aides to assist with her care, it should be paid by her funds--the home health aides are after all giving her care.

If your mother has her wits about her, is competent, she might wish to revise her will if the other daughters are not contributing to or assisting her in her hour of need. Daughters do not need to inherit from a parent. She could leave whatever remains of her estate to any cause or person she wishes to.

If you are the only one stepping up to care for your mother, try not to focus on the ones failing to step up. Just keep it in your memory so you never depend on them in the future. Even living a distance away, an adult child can find a way to contribute in some way for a parent. Just hiding from the situation really isn't acceptable. Consider yourself an only child, and act accordingly. Focus on mothers care.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

It appears that there are 2 elder law firms in your area.
yellowpages/search?query=elder%20law&area=spotsylvania%20va&search_submit=Search/&flv=1

I highly suggest you do a consultation with one of them.
The finacial planner my Dad left Mom in the hands of only took one look at her finances when I got home from out of country to realize he was working in his best interests and not hers (IRA's are managed fund money makers)
I fired him got a hold of an elder law firm, had a family trust set up in and they have been able to switch things over in her best interest over the last 4 years.
You wont be sorry. The attorney at the time mentioned a caregivers trust plan but found it counter beneficial in my personal situation and dont remember the details.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

get a caregivers agreement now so you can get paid for some of what you do now
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Only by written contract, and in the case of conservancy, only with the approval of a Judge. Claims alleged after the patient dies, with nothing in writing, are generally laughed out of court.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.