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My Aunt lives alone in her own home.She has dementia but " hasn't " been told by a doctor she's incompetent to make her own decisions.
My Aunt's memory and doing basic things around the house is becoming worse.
My wife & I stepped in as caregivers to help her out. My Aunt's wishes is to live in her own home alone until she passes. The wife & I try our best to grant her wishes to live alone at home. But, her being alone is becoming a problem. She wets her bed, House is starting to smell of Urine, Burned frying pan on the stove, Weight loss from not eating proper on her own, bathing her self, forgetting the everyday simple things. Sometime even forgetting my name .All signs of caregiver needed.
Cont-,
The wife & I decided to take on the job of caregiver for our Aunt. As of now we are her caregiver. We've been her caregiver for about 3 months now .The Aunt still lives alone as she wishes to do. We took on the job of cleaning her house for her, Food shopping,taking her trash out once a week, Fixing things around the house that needs fixed, Making trips to her bank to cash her checks and to get her spending money when she ask to do so, washing her cloths, Buying/bringing her meals so she don't have to cook so often.
My wife helps bath her and other things that a man as I feel is unconvertable to do as help with the lady's things if you understand what I'm trying to say.

In other words the wife & I are our Aunt's caregivers.Taking on this job is becoming a bigger task then we thought it would be. We was going to see our Aunt everyday to help her and to make sure she is ok. Dementia comes with good days and most bad days. Sometimes our Aunt can be mean and say bad things to us. We learned that we was going over to our Aunt's house to much. As waring our welcome out. So, we decided to cut back on visits to her home to see her. It does make a difference to the good. Gives us all time apart from each other. The problem the wife & I have is money problems caused by caregiving for our Aunt. The cost we spend just in gas is becoming a problem for us.20 miles one way adds up after awhile. Not just the gas cost ,it's the time the wife & I are losing from our own family/kids.There's times the wife has to take off from work to go help our Aunt with things.

Can the wife or I start charging our Aunt for these caregiver services we do for her?
I'm not asking to charge our Aunt tons of money like normal caregivers do. But, caregivers do earn their keep. I'm talking about charging her for gas cost and a little for my time or my wifes time. As example, $100 a week is pennies to any caregiver but,thats all I would ask for.Is there a way I can do this?

I am our Aunt's durable POA.I'm not asking to charge for POA services.POAs are not aloud to charge for POA services.

I'm asking to be reinburst for our cost out of our pocket?"As caregiver.
Any advice?

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Dogabone - I think you have done this in advertently, but you have posted 2 of essentially the same questions on this forum.

Naturally, you're going to get a flurry of conflicting information as this is a complicated topic. I initially answered on the other thread, to which you sent me an inquiry. I subsequently just finished answering that inquiry when I found this relatively duplicate question. Please see my response on the other thread.

Ref: the OTHER thread title is "Can l charge my Aunt for my caregiver services? I'm also, her Durable POA."
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pstiegman ,
So what your saying is,
Because,I'm my Aunt's Durable Power of Attorney.I can;t charge my Aunt for my Caregiver services? And if I attempt I will go to jail? How's this?

To me I would think that being a POA and a Caregiver is two different things. Or am I wrong on this thought of thinking?
As POA my job as of now is just to cash a check once in awhile when my Aunt doesn't feel like getting out to do so. As of now my Aunt is legally compatent.
As I stated in my past threads, I was appointed by my Aunt to be her POA. I received all the POA paper work. The only thing I did was take the POA paper work to the her bank. Because, I was told to act fast before it's too late. To late for what I have not a clue is just what I was told to do as all. Once the POA was turned into the bank I was told by the banker I now have full access to her accounts. Not Joint. Just noted on the accounts I'm her POA. This POA is not a Springing POA this is in effect now is what I was told by her attorney. Again, as of now my Aunt is legally compatent. With that said, what spending my Aunt desires to spend my Aunt is compatent to spend how she see's fit.Is this correct? I agree that the attorney should of made this a springing POA but, he didn't. It's in effect now or when ever I need to step in to act on her behalf. I've been holding off on taking over my Aunt's funds because, my Aunt still pays her bills on her own. The only thing my Aunt asks me to do once in a while is cash a check for her as go to her bank to get her spending money when she doesn't feel like getting out to do it her self. Your telling me to give up this POA inorder for me to be paid for my services as her caregiver? If my Aunt falls and breaks a hip. Without a POA to obtain funds from her bank to pay her bills. How will her bills be paid without a POA appointed to her? It's sure not coming out of my bank to pay her bills lol.
I see your point. But,there should be a legal way to do this other then voiding my POA to do so. People say to take your Aunt to the attorney to have her POA changed so I can get paid for my services as her caregiver. Well, getting my Aunt out to go to the attorney is another story. Let alone to the bank to cash a check.
Many people are Caregivers and POAs to their love ones and get paid for their services as caregiver. Your saying I can't get paid as her caregiver? Why not?
If not, your telling me it's the law that I must hire a caregiver that's not family?
Doesn't sound correct to me. Many people take time off from work to be a caregiver for their Parents. There's a GOV-act in place for that reason. Understanding this isn't my parent it's my Aunt. I know a lady as we speak taking care of her Mother as Caregiver. She charges her Mother $800 a month. And this lady is also, her Mother's POA. Are telling me that this lady should go to jail for charging her Mother because, she is also, her POA?
I'm not talking about getting paid now for my services. I'm talking about down the road when it's time for me and my wife to move in with the Aunt to be full time caregivers. POA or No POA I should be able to charge my Aunt for caregiver services or am I wrong again?
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If you want to be paid, give up the POA and the new POA will, of course, ask your aunt if she wants to pay you. You decided ? You hired yourself? This kind of activity lands people in jail. Go talk to a lawyer and stay out of trouble.
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I have a few suggestions.

Don't discuss POA. Instead, say, "You asked me to help you keep track of your bills." It sounds less extreme, and maybe won't upset her.

Schedule an appointment with the lawyer and tell him you want to pay him to set up a personal care agreement. If you're not asking for "free" time, he should give you his attention. Pay that bill from your aunt's funds.

Get in touch with her local Area Agency on Aging. (AAA for us caregivers.)
Web Site: http://www.realservices.org
They can tell you about services that are available in her town. They can advise you about applying for, or at least planning for Medicaid. They can give you feedback about who is a "good" Elder Law attorney. If the current one is brushing you off, why not change if there is someone better?

You and your wife will benefit from educating yourself about elder care and dementia. This website is a good place to start. Look through the list of questions and discussions, and read the ones that seem to apply to your situation. Do you see the "Search Site" space on the upper right of every page? Type in your question or topic. You will get a list of thousands of questions or discussions. Don't try to read all 1000! Look up bath or shower or POA or "how can I get paid" or anything else you want to know about,

The articles on this site are not really "in depth," but they are accurate and helpful and well worth reading.

Look for local meetings or seminars on dementia. We all start out "blaming" our elder for being nasty. The more you learn, the more ways you will have to make her happier and less afraid and nicer. This is an area that is unfamiliar to most of us until we find ourselves "up to our a$$es in alligators." There is a lot of expert, experience-based knowledge available to you. One member here recommends videos by Deepa Snow, who focuses on keeping the elder calm and easy to care for.

Consider a consultation with a geriatric case manager. The local AAA may have a free or low-cost needs assessment. If you choose to hire a professional for a few sessions, he or she can help you set priorities and save you a lot of time finding the help and information you need.

Good luck, and tell us how you are doing, and don't be afraid to let us know when things DON'T go well. That's when we can help the most.
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(It is admirable that you are trying to allow Aunt to live alone in her home. It may take increasing services for that to continue)
In reply,
As for my Aunt living at home alone is only a temp idea for the wife and I.
When the time comes we will have to move in with her because,Our place isn't big enough.And our bedrooms are upstairs .She can't take stairs.
So,the wife & I are putting off moving in with her until things start to get worse.Dementia is a bad thing to have.Causes many bad days.We are both afraid to move in with her because,dementia causes fighting at one another.People fight when they are together 24/7.Let alone with someone with dementia forgetting why we are their each day.My Aunt can be very mean on her bad days.And nice as can be on her good days.More bad days then good days for sure.Sure I would love to place her in a nurcing home.Less strain on us.The Aunt wont go welling.Requres a doctor to state incompatent inorder for that to happen.
Until she becomes worse we are stuck taking care of her in her home.I'm following the aunt's wishes by staying at home alone as she wanted to do.She's compatent to do what she wants legally.I'm the bad guy that has to explain to the doctor she is not compatent.I just want my wife or I to be paid for our services as her caregiver?
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Thanks for your advice.Sounds like I need to talk to her attorney about this?
Her attorney is not very helpful to me.He dosn't give time for me so to speak.He acts like he's always busy to busy to talk,spare a little time.I guess I'll give it a try.

Some tell me I can't charge my Aunt for my caregiver services because,I'm her Durable POA.This is confusing to understand and to take in.
Yes,I'm my Aunt's Durable POA.I know I can't charge my Aunt for my POA services.As her POA.It's my job to hire a caregiver and a visiting nurce when it's time to do so.When my Aunt can't remember to pay bills it's my job to step in to do so for her.And to keep track of funds on record to cover my behind.
I understand my job as a POA.

But,I'm not only her POA.I'm also,her caregiver.Personally,I as her POA should be able to pay her caregiver."Me".Should be as simple as writing a check out to me stated in Memo Caregiver.But,from what I hear I'm not allowed to write my self out a check to be paid as caregiver?POA services isn't the same services as caregiver services.POA services are free.Not caregiver services.
I can write a check out for a new hot water heater but,not for my caregiver services?What gives here?

If I can't write my self a check for my caregiver services?
Then,I should be able to write a check out for someone else as caregiver?
Can that someone else be my wife?
My wife and I are our Aunt's caregiver.I am only my Aunt's POA.Not my wife.
Yes,if I ask my Aunt to pay me as her caregiver would cause trouble.She is very tight with her money as any elderly person is.They act like they still live in the 70's when it comes to spending money.I wanted to get the life alert for her but,she don't want to pay for it.I wanted to get a lift for her tolet seat to make it easier for her to use the tolet and she refused saying she's tired of spending money on things.She can afford things.From what I was told by other family members she's a wealthy lady.I'm yet to see her bank statements to learn the truth.
I save my Aunt tons of money by being her caregiver.As of now i don't get paid a dime and haven't touched her accounts or even got a bank statement yet.
When I first took the POA paper work to the bank to inform the bank I'm her POA.
I over heard the bank officer say accounts."s".That tells me she has more then one bank account.The banker told me I now have full access to her accounts.After that I didn't go any further by asking for bank statements.Because,I feel I'm going behind my Aunt's back by asking the bank even tho I am her POA.Just don't feel right to me.I'm new at this stuff.With her dementia she forgot I'm her POA.If i ask my aunt for a bank statement she will blow a gasget.If I remind her that I'm her POA she will get upset and start a fight saying I never said that.Even tho she did sign the paperwork for me to be her POA.
She's more of a ladys person then a man person if you know what I mean.As example,she loves my wife.Gives her more attention to my wife then I and I am her true blood family.It's my Aunt not my wifes Aunt.But,she loves my wife more then me lol.Is why I have my wife helping me with my Aunt caregving.
My wife I feel deserves to be paid for what she does for my aunt.My wife goes all out to help care for her without getting a dime in return or reinburst for her gas or time.Sometimes my aunt will give a $5 bill for helping her but,5 bucks isn't nothing today.Be lucky to get a gal of gas for a 5 dollar bill.We make 3-4 trips a week caregiving for her.
If the wife or I cant be reinburst for gas and time spent and spending out of our pockets?
Sounds like we may as well start shopping for nurcing homes so our pockets don't get drained anymore.
I've only been her POA for a week now.But,we both been her caregivers for 3 months so far with money coming out of our pockets to do so.I as her POA should be able to simply write out a check as CASH writing in the MEMO Caregiver signed John Doe by POA.Simple as that to pay my wife for my Aunt's caregiver?
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Yes. You may certainly ask your aunt to pay for your services. How do you think she'll react to this? Will she be willing?

Because you are POA and to reduce the chance of ever having trouble over "taking advantage" or her, I strongly urge you to set up a personal care agreement with the help of an elder law attorney. (Did you consult one to draw up the POA document?) The money Aunt would pay you should not be considered a "gift" -- it is to reimburse your expenses on her behalf and to pay for services. This is an important distinction if she ever needs to apply for Medicaid.

Personally, I think she should pay you something closer to the going rate in your area for the services you provide. What is her financial situation like? Can she afford in-home help? (You're it!) If so, why not? What would she be saving it for? If her means are quite limited, then take less pay. If she has few assets, consider applying for Medicaid for her. They have a program for keeping elders in the community and out of nursing homes as long as possible.

What you are doing is certainly an act of love. Getting paid would not change that. As you discovered, there is a lot to caregiving.

It is admirable that you are trying to allow Aunt to live alone in her home. It may take increasing services for that to continue. And at some point, no matter what her wishes and your intentions, that simply may not be feasible. If that happens, do not feel like failures. Every month you can give her in her own surroundings is a great gift, even if it can't go on forever.
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