Does changing things in the house confuse people with Alzheimer's?

Sounds like your Dad is planning ahead in case the time comes to sell the house. He's doing all the remodeling that is important to buyers.... nice he's doing it now so that the family can enjoy it.

But I understand your concern about your Mom and how changes can confuse her. I don't really think a new kitchen had her think she was in a new house... it sounds more like it was the Alzheimer's next path. Otherwise she would have recognized her husband as he was still the same person.

This could also be a coping mechanism for your Dad to keep himself busy. It's sad as for couples where one partner had memory issues, this isn't the retirement they had planned.

My mother also thouggt they had moved to a new house. Then got to where she didnt know my dad or my brother and would call me to come and get her. It is gut wrenching to see them go thru this. God Bless you and your family !

So sorry to hear about this, NJCinderella. I'm sure this BIG change would confuse anyone in your mother's condition. My mother who lives with me is 89 and although she does not suffer from Alzheimer's or dementia, she has always been "precise" about "a place for everything and everything in it's place". If I move a fork to a different place she not only mentions it but asks me "why did you change it?".

I'm learning that change is not a good thing for older people, even when they are not suffering from Alzheimer's or dementia. I understand that your father had a reason or reasons for making this drastic change in their environment but I feel it was not best for your mother. I hope her immediate shock subsides and she becomes more comfortable. I wish you the best. Sharon

Yes, mom's increased confusion may very well be caused by all the changes. Those with Alzheimer's do not do well with any sort of change. At least your dad is there with her while these changes are ongoing. It would be even more difficult for her if he weren't. It is also common to not recognize a spouse as it is, sadly, part of the progression of Alzheimer's.

My hunch is that dad should not be dissuaded from fixing up the house...The reason is that mom is going to be confused no matter what is done or not done in the house. I empathize with your concerns, believe me.
Perhaps there is no "ideal" answer.

Grace + Peace,

Bob

Don't worry about it, care taking is super hard for a man he just needs things to do to keep his sanity. My husband is late stage six but still ok enough to manage with meds and compassion, but for me I don't get out at all, so although my deep cleaning days are over due to being close to him, I recently decided to start taking my carpet up in the family room, because it needs replacement and I get stir crazy. My husband never realized I did it & just acts like it's supposed to be like that. I move things all the time. He just maneuvers around it and tells me "what a nice house", don't sweat the small stuff it will drive you bonkers.

I heartily agree with twopupsmom. Your father is staying home to care for his wife and he is needing to do something. I wrote a book to keep myself from going crazy with the frequent behavior changes and skill loss of my husband. Adult children who live far away have such a hard time "getting" the day to day struggles of a devoted spouse when Alzheimer's disease enters the family.

Not recognizing a spouse is fairly common starting when the person living with dementia enters the middle stage. Research "Capras syndrome", "misidentification syndrome", " imposter syndrome", etc. The people they love the most become the earliest to be misidentified. Sometimes the loved one voice is recognized, but not their face. If so, it helps to speak to them within hearing distant, but out of sight. Sometimes the spouse becomes multiples, e.g. the nice old man helping to take care of them, the much loved, absent spouse who just returned from a long trip, the dirty old man who looks at their private areas when assisting dressing, and the mean old man who assists/insists on the wife being bathed ("I just had a bath!" is the common retort).

The "mirror sign" usually begins around this time, and starts when the person living with dementia has difficulty recognizing themselves in the mirror. The image in the mirror becomes like a person looking at them through a window, and that person often has different personalities at different times, e. g. nice and loving, mean and hateful, an old friend, a nice friend, a copycat who dresses like them, etc.

Be cautious on changes to the home. Sometimes the person living with dementia believes that their possessions are being stolen, etc. Naturally, extreme agitation can then occur.

There is a host of different challenges in each milepost along the long dementia road. The caregiver must be a marathoner, not a sprinter.

Sounds like it's a bit late to stop your father changing the major landmarks in the house. But yes of course it will be confusing your mother - goodness, I find it annoying enough when my local supermarket moves the coffee so heaven knows how she feels when she walks into the kitchen and all her cupboards have gone.

Since it's too late, you might as well look at the positives. The new flooring will be an improvement in some ways - easier to clean, no trip hazards. Ummm... I'm sure there are other plus points too?

But what's got into your father? He's lived with these things for fifty years and now, all of a sudden, he's ripping through the projects like a human tornado?

I don't know if this might help: you should be able to find online lots of information about Designing For Dementia - the kind of guidelines specialist facilities use when they're building state-of-the-art new premises. If your father still has projects on the go, perhaps you can interest him in including dementia-friendly features and help him learn about your mother's needs that way?

Has made no difference in my mom's case. She's lived with me for several years, first to a house that was very similar to hers in layout and now to this old place (she sometimes actually thinks this house is her childhood home). It's made no difference whatsoever in mom's ability to figure out where anything is, particularly the bathroom. In both houses, she has asked me several times a day, every day, where the bathroom is (and I pretty much need to lead her and now stand there to be sure she's actually on the toilet). A few times, I have found her in the morning sitting on the floor right next to her bed, saying she couldn't find her bed, or actually sitting on the edge of the bed, unable to figure out how to find the head of the bed where the pillows are. (Had we left her in her home where she and dad lived, I figure it would be the same story, so I don't feel bad about moving her in the first place). Putting her into a chair or the car can be difficult some days - she will forget which foot to put into the car first, then how to sit in the seat. There are constant reminders now that she will evidently lose nearly every skill she ever had and every time it happens, it still comes as a bit of a shock to me. As others say here, you learn not to sweat the small stuff.

Thanks to all of you for your tips and experience, especially Thomas0611. I am right in this now, and have gotten used to new disassociations from reality by my Mom to myself and now to her house. (I live with and care for 24/7 in her home.) For the past few months, she has really advanced into true medium dementia stage, and some days I am her deceased sister, instead of her daughter (at least I'm not a stranger yet). She is also convinced that we live in another house in another city that is identical to her previous home (which is her current one, where she's lived since 1972). This is regardless of whether I have cleaned or moved or changed anything in the house; I believe that it is the natural progression of the disease. I have become almost as housebound as her, as I learn and understand her new stages of dementia, before I reach out again for SKILLED caregiving respite. She really cannot be left alone anymore, and every day is a new surprise, it seems. Not sweating the small stuff, and laughing inwardly at the absurdity of some things, really helps, as well as learning to take naps when she does, as rest really helps me keep my sanity some days.

There are many reasons why Dad may be suddenly be making these changes, some of which have been mentioned. Others may be due to concern for his wife's wellbeing. He want to make things easier for her. He also may have plans to sell the house and find something that will be more user friendly to him in his own declining years. Another worry may be Mom's future care, and he may want to be able to pay for a nicer nursing home if she needs it down the road.
Men rarely share their true feelings especially with close family members so i would leave him be and wait for openings when he feels ready to talk. he may also be in a bargaining stage where he feels if he makes the environment perfect Mom will get better. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and he is taking care and keeping himself occupied rather than sitting on the sofa in front of the TV feeling sorry for himself

Any change in surroundings can result in what is called relocation stress syndrome or transfer trauma. The result can be a deterioration in health or cognitive status. In general, people don't deal well with change. However for those with dementia, the limitations in short-term memory and ability to learn new things decreases their ability to cope with change. In working with those in long-term care, I have seen first hand how a change in their environment can have a negative effect. At at the very least, it makes them more confused. You may find the article at socialworktoday

Working in an Alzheimer's facility I can say that a change in living arrangements can definitely make changes in their personalities and behaviors. It's a very individual thing, though. For some, it might make almost no difference. For others it might completely upset their world and make it very difficult to care for them. Whatever your Dad's reasons, he has done big changes already and looks like he won't be swayed from continuing. It could be he's wanting to sell soon and wants to get as much as he can out of it. It could be that he does need to keep himself busy to keep his mind from dwelling on problems. Maybe he's in a little bit of denial about the situation. Whatever his reasons, it looks like your Mom has justified the 'change' in her mind in a positive way, so at least she's not trying to escape the situation and 'go home', so that's a good thing. Alzheimer's is a progressive thing, though, whether there are changes or not, so keep a close eye on her for any tendencies to want to wander out of the house. That's when it can get dangerous for her.

Our lives don't cease to exist when we live with someone with Alzheimer's or dementia. I think it's wise for your Dad to continue to make the changes necessary to sell the house, if and when he has to. My father suffered from dementia and he couldn't remember what he had for breakfast 10 minutes earlier, but he could tell me the names of every single neighbor on his street in 1935. He would sit and ask me if I remembered so and so who lived next door in 1935, but he didn't know I was his daughter. He thought I was his twin sister who had passed away 16 years earlier.

Like someone else said earlier, it's not the changes in the house that are confusing your mother, it's the Alzheimer's itself. And like they also said, if it was the changes to the house she would have still recognized your Dad because he hasn't changed.

Allow and encourage your Dad to make the changes necessary to continue his life when your Mom is no longer with him. He is preparing for his future without his wife.

All my love to you.

A recent trip to our museum where they had a display with recommendations that changing things which have been a part of a person's life can be negative. However, since he did the renovation and will still use it in the house...may be a different story.

Changes confuse my mom who suffers with Alzheimer's. Whenever she is with me she is not sure where she is. I try not to have to many changes at her place because I want to things to remain familiar to her. Is it possible to keep some things that are still familiar to her?

I agree with OldBob on this one. Mom is going to be confused no matter what. And as the dementia progresses she is going to be more confused and confused about different things.

Even if keeping everything the same were proven to be ideal, we do not live in an ideal world. We may need to send our loved ones to a day program, so they spend part of their day in one environment and part in another. And for the sake of others in the household we may need/want to put up holiday decorations, changing the environment and then changing it back again. We may need to update plumbing. Our loved ones may need to go to a care center.

My mother's nursing home always puts up seasonal decorations. Right now they have huge cheerful flowers that some residents made in craft sessions. Providing things new and different to look at can be positive stimulation.

Just saying the persons with dementia don't do well with change does not create a world in which change doesn't happen.

NJCinderella, I'd also suggest that you consider the needs of both of your parents. Your father's need/desire to make these changes is no less valid than your mother's concerns, even if she is the one with diagnosed impairments. It sounds like Mother is making sense of this change in her own way.

And if you could determine, somehow, that the progression of the disease was caused or triggered by the changes to the house, what then?

One of the first clues I had that an acquaintance (now deceased) was suffering from dementia was when I was going to pay her a visit. On the phone she told me she had moved and proceeded to give directions to her "new" home. The directions baffled me because I knew there was no such road to where she supposedly lived now. She never let go of the idea no matter how much her husband and daughter tried to persuade her otherwise. There was not a sign of anything having changed in their home: no new carpet or paint job, no furniture rearranged, nothing.

The other obvious giveaway was when she decided that her husband had left and a strange man was living in her home trying to control her life. She was also upset that her daughter thought there was nothing amiss and it was perfectly okay for this strange guy to butt in where he had no business.

So, although nothing had changed, in her mind everything (except her daughter) had changed.

Yes. dejavuagain, confusion is a product of dementia. Possibly some responses are triggered by outside events, but the symptoms of dementia certainly can occur without any discernible triggers.

Oh, absolutely; that is a huge YES! My mother did not have Alzheimer's, just age-related dementia and she would REALLY get out of her comfort zone, e.g. when the device she opened bottles with was put in the wrong drawer by me when I had to live with her. Of course, I only did that one time when I realized how "off" it made her!

What you describe is pretty common. Doesn't matter if it's in their home, or a facility...if things get moved around, they get lost, think they've moved to a new place, and, along with that, other things might seem to 'go missing' for them...like recognizing a love one.
OTH, there's really no clear way to tell if it's her "next step" in Alzheimer's progression or the changes in milieu that did it--could be some of both.
But 'going through doors' is a significant trigger to forget, or become disconnected with one's memories more, even without Alzheimer's.
Sometimes, the elder regains memory, others, not so much.
That she has Alzheimer's means there swill be progression, no matter what.
Your Dad is probably planning ahead in case of need to seek the house [good planning!], or making it easier to take care of the house as he also ages in place.
I'd not worry about Mom losing memory...she's losing it already.
Often, we feel like we should maybe _do_ something about it to stop it. But, none can stop it.
Maybe questions might be:
Do you want to drag-out the inevitable as long as possible, by stopping anything that might trigger it to progress a bit faster, even if doing those things makes good sense?
Or allow that she is progressing, and let that happen, simply loving and supporting both of them as well as you can, accepting that progression happens, and no one can stop that?
Deep inside every scrambled-egg brain, are tiny bits of awareness that things are not proper. The person does not have words to say it, usually, only parts of ideas, or even whole ideas, which, if one is paying attention, might pick-up on, to hear what they are trying to say.
Of all the ones I cared for, _ALL_ had some way to convey what they wanted...it usually distilled down to "I hate living like this / want to die / want to stop living without any quality of life". But those who love them, have a very hard time letting go and allowing that process to happen in anything like a natural course.
It's just really hard to let someone die, when we feel like there's not been near enough time with them here!
In your shoes, I'd probably tell Dad to keep up the good work, and just be as supportive as possible for both parents; all of you are going through something extraordinary and difficult, each from different perspectives.

...One Gma literally couldn't find her pill bottles on the kitchen counter, even as sparse and clean as it was, if the pill bottles got moved even a few inches to one side or the other. That used to tick-off my step mom, as she didn't understand about doorways or moving things, even a tiny bit.
Gma had all her marbles, but, she was terribly ill, and had so little energy to do anything, that even the small amount of effort needed to look a few inches away to locate the pills, was too much.
Things worked better if they stayed exactly where and how she put them, which worked for her.
It would have been different, if she'd had a dementia, because it wouldn't matter if things stayed in familiar places or not, she'd still have lost track.
So might as well help the helpers help her, more easily, by making what changes were needed, to do that; just understanding that she'd forget things more related to the changing, and compensate for that.

There are wonderful answers here from this compassionate group. I agree with the overall feeling that while the change isn't necessarily right for your mom - it's rather like moving her from place to place - your dad has to stay sane. So my first thoughts were this isn't good. However, I've modified that after reading some of the wise responses. If remodeling helps your dad and in the end he's a better caregiver, then I'm not sure you should try to intervene.
Perhaps he realizes that he will eventually need to sell the house and he's more likely to get his money out of it if it's updated. He obviously needs something to do, and at least this is productive.
If this starts to truly agitate your mother, he may have to let the remodeling go for awhile. If your mom just thinks is new but isn't overly bothered, maybe it's not doing too much harm (it can’t be positive but what is perfect?).
The downward spiral for your mom is going to happen no matter what is done or not done. Yes, this could be hastening her decline. However, two people's lives need to be considered.
I wish there were a clear answer, but with most things concerning dementia, every day is different and every person is different. I'd talk with your dad and ask him to watch for agitation and anxiety. If the remodeling isn't pushing your mother over the edge in that way, then - considering that this is likely good for your dad - maybe it's as okay as things can be.
You're are good person to be considering both of them and not blaming your dad You are right. It's their house and that means his as well as your moms.
Take care of yourself and try to keep balanced. We are with you.
Carol

I'm so glad to read how others are dealing with a Narcissistic mother with mid stage dementia along with Parkinson's Disease. My husband moved from out of town and I quit my job to help her and make sure she can stay at home longer. I lived a lifetime of verbal abuse, but dementia makes it ten times worse. My sister used to call her battery acid. Wherever her words land, it burns a hole in you. I've found the only way I can deal with her is not say a word until her tantrums subside. Narcissistic people like picking fights to dominate. I won't lie, life is hell. I need a support group.

My late mother called me "Hitler" because I had to leave my Maryland home and move in to her Massachusetts home where she was living alone. That's one time she didn't understand the full impact of how hurtful that was to me.