How can I ensure dad won't change his POA after he moves into assisted living?

Terri, why so mean??? If he was after $$$, he'd never be spending them on assisted living! I'm in principle against lying too, but seriously, how could he tell Dad that his care is too much of a burden while working fulltime, especially when its not his fault he came down with diarrhea. At least this gets him to look at the assisted living, and I would suspect this son will not neglect to make sure he is well cared for and visited often. Some people really do thrive in assisted living and some really even need it if their caregiver simply cannot be with them 24-7 and can't otherwise fill in the gaps...

I understand your concern. My mom lives on her own, she visits my sister on weekends. We do guard her money, not because we want it, but because we would not want her duped. I recently had her account statements converted to online to prevent stacked mail with financial info. Sounds like you will be able to stay involved. Online access to review his account is a good way to keep track. If he wants to occasionally gift assistants , that is not a bad thing as long as he can afford it, and it is not out of control. If you see the balance declining you will know something is up, you cannot address a problem that has not occurred, just be on the lookout. Also make yourself seen and known, cons prey on the weak, if they see you have his back, he won't seem like an easy target, there are plenty of abandoned elderly for cons to prey on.

Do not be overly suspicious, some people are just nice. My mom's cleaning lady grew into a true family friend. She would drop by on my parents and bring food when I was out of town on business or vacation.....NEVER, asked for a penny for her gestures. She visits mom once in a while just to keep her company. I see as a family and personal friend. The fact that we originally met as an employee is just a happenstance of how this kind person came into our lives.

Good luck
L

If he is mentally competent you can not make him do anything. Your job as POA is to assist him with his affairs. Being disable, or not able to fully take care of one's own needs does not mean he is mentally incapable. I would steer clear of a guardianship at this time, expensive and you have what you need for now. If you have a durable power of attny when he is deemed mentally incompetent by a doctor then you can make decisions for him in his best interest. I am sure you can find all of this information on the net like most of us here use to research. He can change his mind at any time about his POA as long as he is mentally competent and their is nothing you can do about it. Unless you are willing to be with him 24/7 you can not control his life, let him live and let live as you wish to live your own life, visit often and be there for him.

Tired - i understand your dilemma, and it's never easy. About the POA, as long as he is considered competent and cognitive, he can change his POA. When we were updating my mom's legal about a dz years ago, we did the POA's and her attorney (estate attorney) had her also do a "Guardianship in Case of Incapacity". What he told us, that the GICofI provides a trump card for family in case momma or daddy in a fit of pique decides to change the POA. With it and a letter from a MD, it gives you the ability to continue to act as the POA. Basically buys you time to deal with stuff without having to shut it all down & go for guardianship. This is in TX and works for TX law. It is well worth pulling all your dad & late mom's legal and financials together and go see and elder law attorney. Are you doing probate for mom? If you haven't, that could be good as you could change some of her assets to be diverted to others rather than dad inheirit all. The probate attorney will have names of elder law attorney's too.

I'd highly suggest that you look into more than 1 AL facility. If he has the ability to private pay for AL, then there are lots more options out there and 1 AL might not be the best fit for him. What you don't want to have happen is to move Dad in and then within the next 90 days you get a letter from the facility that although they just love Dad, his level of care needed is not what they do at this AL and he needs a higher level of care. For my mom, when I moved her into IL (it is a "tiered" facility that has IL, AL, NH and hospice unit), she had to go to 2 visits to the IL...they were both obviously looking to see if she was suited for IL. She "passed" but I know of friends of her's who didn't and 1 went to AL and the other NH. When they are coming from living at home (my mom from her home of 50+ years), it is often really hard for family to be objective with their parents ability and to be realistic about just what a IL, AL or NH will provide. I'd be concerned about his chronic diarrhea 7 his inability to transition (move from chair to chair, from bed to chair to potty), that is more of a skilled nursing needed placement. A resident who always has diarrhea will be a liability for the AL and the other residents and they may ask him to move.
The ability to move from bed to chair, etc, well they kinda expect the resident to be able to do most of this on their own with some assistance. Totally needing others to do this or need a full bathing team to get clean is usually a NH placement. Really you don't want to have to go through all this all over again if you can help it.

Also although you may think that Dad has the funds to private pay, the $ goes fast.
AL can cost 3K - 5k a month plus whatever charges are placed in addition. If they live long enough (unless they are generationally wealthy) they will eventually run out of $ and will decline to the point of needing skilled nursing care (a NH) and will have to apply for Medicaid. You want to plan ahead for that possibility and the 5 year look-back. Really take some of Dad's $ and see an attorney to get their experience on how to deal with this and how Medicaid is managed in your state.
Good luck.

I would be MORE concerned about the health problem you mentioned. That is not normal to have colitis like that. If you enjoy being with your father, then get a caregiver in to help-- that would be your least expensive alternative. You can also get your father in to an AL just for respite care while you are out of town. If you think it would be good for him to be around other people, then check out an AL, they usually have activities plus people are seated together for dining, and his care need would be taken care of. As for the POA, your father can revoke it at any time... even verbally. Sometimes as people progress into dementia, they can become confused, but you don't mention that your father is not mentally competent.

As was already stated, if he is mentally competent and changes his POA, that is your father's discretion.

With that said, I think taking him on a tour would be a great idea (we did that with Mom so she was mentally prepared). I met residents who were literally picked up and dropped off by one of their children into ALF and it was very traumatic for them.

No stage of caring for our parents is smooth or easy. It's just another faith walk and trial, really. Blessings.

My POA experience was that I needed two doctor's letters of incapacity in order to sell Mom's home when we had to. By that time Mom was really not capable of even looking up phone numbers and making calls so she would not have been able to do anything really dangerous financially or otherwise, so I never had to put her through guardianship, (they apparently have to be presented with the papers and told what is going on, and may contest it...Mom would have been emotionally devastated) so I know that was a blessing. But if you have to, you have to. I would say go ahead and get the letters, at least! And, I hope they can treat the colitis, it sounds miserable for him....hugs...

If he's not generally the "grumpy old man" type, he very likely will make friends quickly at the AL. Be prepared to still hear him complain though. I've seen people who are having a really wonderful time and are so grateful and happy that they made the move, but they still complain to their children every chance they get (I have no friends, I sit alone at dinner, I don't do any activities, the staff is unresponsive, and so on). Once he has moved in, check in with the director or activities person once in awhile to get both sides of the story.
While it's true that someone can change their POA at any time and it can be difficult to get a guardianship, that's no reason to sit idle and watch someone gain your father's trust then swindle him. Sit with a good elder law attorney and work on securing his finances in a way that makes him a less attractive target for someone with dubious motives.
It is his money and he can do as he pleases with it, but that's not a reason to leave him vulnerable to being taken advantage of. His assets are what gives him lots of choices as he continues to decline, you have every right to try to protect them for him. If his money goes, the only choice he is left with is Medicaid and the nursing home.

Yes, you can encourage him to go into a facility, and if he is incompetent he will have no choice with you having a POA. No one is going to scam him in a nursing facility and no other woman will get her hands on his money without you knowing something about it. Most staff already know the romances that go on, and will report to you. He will make friends and that is great for him and you can visit twice a month and live your life. Enjoy and give him another chance at making friends. Believe me, if he has dementia, patients cannot connect the dots in order to scam anyone. Relax son.

Your concern is viable and you have not mentioned if your father has dementia or alzheimers of if he is just having a difficult time getting around. If a person is not of sound mind they can no longer make decisions about changing their POA and giving it to anyone in a facility. If your father is of sound mind then he could make changes but if you keep a good relationship with him and see him often then I doubt you will have this problem. Guardianship is long, hard and expensive, so don't go there unless you have to.

To be safe, why not set up an appointment with your attorney and ask him what he suggests.