How can I change my mother's nursing home if she's unhappy?

I have been told by the social worker at my mother's NH that I need my sister to agree with any decision I make regarding my mother. This can't be right neither of us have power of attorney or any legal right to anything. We are not speaking for a million reasons one being she will not call me back. She also doesn't call the NH back and they end up calling me. I think this is crazy Has this happened to anyone else?

A nursing home is a place for people who don't need to be in a hospital but can't be cared for at home. They provide a cost-effective way to enable patients with injuries, acute illnesses or postoperative care needs to recover in an environment outside a hospital.Home Health Care service is the best option for elderly who are not getting proper home health care.

my mother is very unhappy with the care home she's in can we change her care home

No one really likes being in a nursing home; but there a few things I would do before moving Mom to another place. First, I'd have a conversation with Mom and ask specifically what she dislikes or feels is missing in her NH. Does she complain about the food?( Usually, the nutrition dept. can order something else for her).How is she is handled physically? Emotional support ? Are aides etc. soft spoken and kind to her? Is she going to activities? Do they have good activities and spiritual leaders? Try to word questions or discussions in a way that Mom can answer objectively. Example:" Mom tell me about your day today. What did you have for lunch? Did you go to physical therapy? What was going on in the Activity Room? " etc. If you learn that the nursing home is lacking in their care, then I certainly would talk to the administrators, the social worker, and definitely get hospice involved with more visits and showers. Mom might just be bored. Would a change of rooms to another room-mate please her. I'd try all the above first. You can always move her to another facility. Just ask the social worker to set it up for you. Visit there before moving her. Find a place where activities are always engaging patients. Can people bring in their pets? Pet therapy and music therapy are wonderful. Wishing you and Mom the best!! This is such a difficult period of life. Blessings and hugs, Corinne

i took my mom to a led zep film a couple weeks ago. wanted to meet a girl and didnt have a sitter. 45 minutes into the 2 hr film mom was sobbing and wanted to leave. im not crazy about the blues caterwahling of zep myself but it reinforces my point. mom would b***h if she was hung with a new rope..

Our eighty six year old used to cry at home in the evening, when she lived in her own flat two flat she owned, because she couldn't remember well and worried about her bills, that was when her condition was new. I always took care of her but her daughter always thought she could take care of her by phone and it was confusing for our 86 year old she was always being grilled about what i was doing in her apartment, the doorbell would ring, she did not know what to do, if someone was strange on the phone she didn't know what to do, she was confused and she cried every evening. I do not know what sun-downing is, because she never does it, now at all here.

A sure sign the nursing home is not going well is: their refusal to eat, weight loss, excessive crying, etc. Since our was removed from AL and cared for by people she recognizes, she is doing well. She does go to daycare, but she loves living at (our new apartment) home. Her bedroom contains all her familiar things and she feels as though she is in her home but better, because she frequently thinks she is a a guest, she no longer worries about the bills, taxes or going to work, but she is happy and content (better than us, smile, sometimes.

Since I cook her ethnic cuisine, Austrian German, the way she did, her weight is even coming back. She looks real happy like she won the lottery. I believe that learning new things helps to build the mind and I do allow her to stretch her mind on a daily basis. I believe in education especially newly acquired knowledge and after losing my brains to a stroke, I did the same and enrolled in college, I will be graduating this May.

Also if they have never painted, painting is a cool activity that allows a different side of the brain to work and connect new neurons and even watercolors on watercolor paper is exciting, expressive and a great fun activity, under $10.
Can be done in the nursing home,if they are not too far gone.

I wish everyone great success.

As others have said, whatever was their bent before the NH it will continue.

My mom is not an especially happy person, she is the type where "the glass is always half empty and it has a crack in it" type. As she has aged the "crack" mindset has become fear and paranoia fueled by her dementia. She is being robbed, the food is being poisoned, etc. I've found that rather than go into the fact that it isn't happening, is to re-driect the conversation to something new. With my mom, if I hand her something (fake flowers, magazine, clothing) that seems to help to break the fear mindset. It will come back but at least for then her mind is off to something else more pleasant. Good luck and keep a sense of humor.

Thanks alot for input . IT HELPS

When I worked in a skilled nursing facility we had a couple of residents who came to us after staying in another facility. A few settled in better with us than at their previous facility but that had more to due with how they perceived their situation than with a change in care--they felt better because moving made them feel they still had some control of their situation, that they were part of the decision making.

I had one woman who had been in 4 facilities before she came to us and I was very candid with the family before admission that she was unlikely to be any happier with us. She was not. We changed rooms, roommates,tables in the dining room and units but nothing helped. She attended lots of activities became active in the life of our little community and seemed content but she complained to her family constantly. All we could do was to provide her family with photo's of her enjoying herself so they could let go of their feelings of guilt.

You might want to talk to the nursing home and see how they think your mom has adjusted. You might also research her specific complaints and see if something can be done to alleviate some of the things that specifically bother her.

cmagnum, I am in the same situation. My mother is in a residential home care for Alzheimer's. Several of the nurses have felt bad that she is always crying. I assured them that she's been crying for 4 1/2 yrs, especially after sundown. She, I'm pretty sure, has the Sundowners Syndrome. I feel very confident that she is being well cared for. Overall, she's a very sweet person, but gets very confused as to where she is, and doesn't recognize anyone around her, ever her caretakers. As long as she's cared for appropriately, I would try not to worry so much. Visit her when you can, and appreciate those precious moments as those days are limited. Though our conversations are nil, I just know it's her illness, as I'm sure you do.

Hope this helped in some way.

magnum makes a great point. my aged aunt and mother are quite similar and pretty much all they have ever done in their lives is complain. the home nurse is implying that i could be doing more to make my mom happy. if she knew how unamused my mother is with her ass she,d probably be a little less judgemental towards me.

I can't say that my mother is particularly happy being in the nursing home, but she is well cared for and much safer than she would be at home. She says she's bored, but she would be bored at home also. She's not interested in attending any of the activities. She often asks to go home and we explain to her why she can't but she does not remember due to her dementia. In her mind, she has only been there a short time and can just get up and around like she use to, four years ago. So, I guess the bigger question is about how well is she being cared for.

My one question is if she was happy before going into the NH. Some people will be unhappy no matter where they are because they are unhappy inside. If she has a history of being unhappy, then changing NHs may not improve anything. If this unhappiness is new, then find out why why is unhappy with this NH so that you can find one to fill her needs.

First question, will she be happy ANYWHERE that's NOT home? Or is it this particular nursing home that is the problem? Have you checked into Adult Foster Care instead of a nursing home? She may not qualify physically, but I'd sure check into that. And as far as I know, this is still a free country and you can move her to where ever you wanted I thought. Are you afraid to ruffle feathers where she's at? If that's the case, time to step up and ruffle those feathers. What do you care what they think? Without anymore info, that's the best I can come up with. Sorry.