Mother has been living with me for almost 5 years, but her needs have increased & the arrangement isn't working as well for either of us any more. So at my mother's request I researched continuing care communities, got info, read the Medicare ratings, checked staffing levels & turnover, etc. After some visits, she really liked one of the places & asked me to submit her application. Everything is all approved, we did a second visit last week & she says "I could really enjoy living here; this is a good choice." It's a mellow, quiet community. She likes the people she's met, the rooms, the gardens. Then today, on a third visit to talk details, it's "I don't want to live here. It's too confusing." The AL manager was calm, helpful, low-key. Mom says she needs to go home and think.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking "Really?!?" Do I have to back up and start over? Look at in-home care (actually not a good solution for either of us)? Time is running out before I have to return to work FT, the holidays are coming, I'm getting burned out . . . .
Sometimes she knows that her needs are changing & is an active participant in thinking about how to adapt; at other times she is totally passive. I know that these major transitions can be tricky. I want to facilitate good decision-making, but don't want her to feel pressured. Others must have faced this kind of indecision in a loved one. Any do's and don'ts for getting through it?