Mom died three weeks ago. She had been in rehab since April after a couple of falls and just never recovered enough to go back to her assisted living apartment. Eventually she was admitted into long term care just before she passed. She declined so quickly I'm just wrapping my head around it. Before the fall she had renal failure and a foley cath due to a stricture, and arythmia but good cognition and was mobile with a walker - she was still a vibrant person although she sometimes said she was "ready to die" (we are very frank about this stuff in my family). After the fall she spent a long time resisting physical therapy (hairline hip fracture) due to pain and anxiety, both of which were treated with meds. But she developed some really nasty bedsores on her heels. Eventually she was able to wheelchair transfer with two assists but then seemed to give up again, a home visit back to her assisted living made her realize she just wasn't able, and by that point her mental state was deteriorating too. By the end she was getting what seemed like constant UTIs, the CIPO because of all the antibiotics, and was in and out mentally. Then she got covid. After a few days of isolation and treatment with an alternative to paxlovid which should couldn't take because of the kidney function she died at night, was found unresponsive at 7:30am when I got the call (I'm in a different state and visit her every couple of weeks). I was absolutely devastated - we are all kind of shocked that this happened seemingly so quickly, although at the same time, we are all relieved she did not linger on in some horrible way declining more and more which would have been her absolute worst nightmare. I just got the death certificate and it says cause of death advancing dementia. What does that mean, exactly and should I care? No mention of all her many infections, her kidney failure or the covid infection. Is this normal for a death certificate for a person of advanced age (she was 88). Obviously I'm still in a bit of a state of shock and grappling with all of this. I should say that the rehab and long term care facility where she was seemed wonderful, very highly rated, caring therapists, attentive aides. A stark contrast to the rehab my Dad spent time in last summer which was a nightmare (he is recovered, alive and well). Thanks for any words of wisdom or comfort you can give!
I think it is natural to want a reason. Something you can blame for the loss. My loss was surprising and much faster than anyone predicted but my mom did not surfer.
My mom died November 9. She had dementia but we never had her diagnosed as to the specific kind of dementia. Her death certificate showed Vascular Dementia. I also was curious how they determined that. She also had other health issues including congestive heart failure.
As Golden23 mentioned, In her case, She gradually began to eat less over time, became more frail, and over the course of about two weeks had a diagnosis of “failure to thrive”. She was so frail that she simple did not have the reserves to recover.
I suspected that she may have had a stroke that caused her additional decline on top of her other health issues.
I understand what you are going through, I have been a little numb or frozen since she passed asking many questions and replaying in my mind each day,
Everyone says that time will heal. If that is the case, I am praying for time to pass quickly.
My deepest, heartfelt sympathies to you and your family.
My mother died from vascular dementia. Her body was still great at 106 -BP, blood sugar, all organs working fine She didn't get infections. A few months before she passed the NH doctor said she could live some years more. But he (disgracefully in my eyes) didn't take into account the vascular dementia that was slowly destroying her brain. I knew she was coming to the end. All the signs showed it - sleeping more, eating less, communicating less. Regardless of her body being in such good shape one day she stopped eating. It was a Saturday and I got a call from the nurse and knew it was the end. I traveled to see her. They had her on a drip and on oxygen. She died peacefully 2 days later.
If you could see a brain affected by vascular dementia or, I think, any dementia it does not look normal. The brain shrinks and shows other abnormalities. Brain activity is need to support life. When too much brain tissue is destroyed, life is unsustainable. That is what happened to mother. It was very clear cut as the rest of her was in good shape - surprising at 106 but by all their tests and measurement it was. Dementia's are terminal diseases, just as other diseases can be.
Dealing with the death of a LO is hard and we look for explanations. I hope you are more at peace with your mother's death. (((((hugs))))
Sorry about your loss.
Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace, dear Lisa.
My sincere sympathy on the loss of your mother. This must be very devastating for your dad too, as this sudden loss is for all of you.
I lost my Dad directly to Covid and yet his death cert says cardiac failure. Ultimately, any disease progression can take our elderly and having worked as a Hospice RN, I'd advise that as hard as it is, you accept the rapid decline and be relieved that your mom didn't linger in failing health and cognition.
I'm facing this with my Mom of the same age and I hope that she's taken quickly; it's a mercy to have our beloved parents spared progressing disease states. My Mom has advancing dementia as well and with yours, that is what likely caused the fall that resulted in the cascade of events leading to her death.
I wish you and yours comfort and peace in grieving your tremendous loss.
There are times when all it takes is a very bad fall to cause a variety of medical issues. With my own Mom, five years ago she went from having very mild dementia to last stage dementia within a couple of days after she hit her head on a fall. Hospital noticed that my Mom had a previous brain bleed from a previous head injury that I never knew about [my parents lived on their own]. Mom now forgot how to walk, forgot how to stand, and within a few months she was failing in every aspect of her life. She spend her final months in a nursing home as it now took a village to care for her.
Mom's death certificate says for cause of death 1) Failure to thrive 2) Dementia. My Mom was 98 years old. I had to look up "failure to thrive in adults" to know what that meant, and it made sense as that term covers a whole lot of different things, pretty much all of what my Mom was going through due to dementia.
Honestly, I don't think dementia caused her death. After a great Thursday, I put her to bed and she never woke up. She died Sunday morning. I wonder if she had had a stroke. But without an autopsy, there'd be no definitive cause of death. I wouldn't want one for her as she had so many issues, any of which could have caused her death. I'm just so grateful she didn't suffer and she died with her family around her.
but I understand, when I moved my mom to my state from an AL, I was shocked to see my moms diagnosis of senility of the brain…
I guess I would ask myself "What difference does it make how she died"? She was old and her body was shutting down, renal failure is a sure sign.
You are focusing on something that will not bring her back. I would let it go, the "why" makes no difference.
Sending support your way.