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Long time reader, first time poster here. Just a son caring for his mother. Not from the states. Been a carer for 15 years. The last 5 years have been the hardest. Basically have given up my life to be with her every waking and sleeping minute. Just wondering how I ended up where I am. I'm convinced this is the hardest job and role in the world.
I'm still in my 30s man I wanna go out and party!
Sorry guys just a bit of a vent.

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You’re too young to be in this situation. Can you tell us a bit more about it so that we can make some thoughtful suggestions to help get you out of this?
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Reply to Danielle123
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Leave for 1 hour. Then 2 hours. Maybe 3 hours. The world will go on. Use whatever money your mother has to hire quality help for you. Interview private caregivers who can really relieve you of the care burden for a few hours. Many times agencies just send a body that you have to train and supervise and you pay top dollar for not much support. You might have been groomed to be a caregiver. Read about enmeshment and parents who are emotionally immature. You are very young. Get out of this and don’t let being a caregiver consume your life.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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Caregiving IS the hardest job in the world hands down. And you are WAY too young to be giving your life up for your mother. That is just so wrong on so many levels.
If your mother truly loved you she would never want you to give up your life for hers...NEVER!
You should at this point in your life be out living on your own, holding down a good paying job and doing the many things that you enjoy, without having to be tied down to a woman who needs to placed in a facility if she requires the 24/7 care you say she now requires.
Surely you have nursing facilities where you live and also help financially if money is an issue.
And as long as you continue to be the only solution for your mothers care, she will never except help from the outside, so time to take many steps back and take your life back and party until the cows come home.
You deserve it!!!
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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No-one is prepared for the role of caregiver for a loved one! It's a roller-coaster ride, ups and downs,twists and turns, fast and slow. When people actually ride on a roller-coaster they throw up their arms and scream on the way down..some fun! When a caregiver rides,they do the same but they scream LET ME OFF!!! The frustrating part is somehow you got on the ride and when you do get off? You are nauseated and you're weak from the journey. Everyone needs to vent and scream(preferably alone) it's healthy and gives you strength to move forward. You're right where you need to be, HERE,with people who know what caregivers go through! It's the most unsatisfying job in the world for us but for the loved ones it's priceless!
Good journey!
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Reply to JuliaH
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Your mother is blessed to have your support and care. Don’t blame you a bit for venting. Please understand the person in need of care doesn’t get to refuse alternatives or completely drive the bus on the decisions made. It’s hard standing up against the wishes of a parent you’ve been taught your whole life to respect. This isn’t about respect, it’s about honoring and providing for the needs of both of you, it’s not a one way thing. I wish you rest and courage to know the way forward
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Stranger4Life Jun 27, 2025
It's so hard standing up against your mother. You're right tho. I've been working on it. Hopefully moving in the right direction 🙏 thanks for the reply 🫶
(5)
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You are a terrific son. Not everyone can do it. You deserve a life, though and you're so young, at that.
Try to get some help in the house, like a paid caregiver. She will not like it, but it's what she needs and what you need, also.
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Reply to Tiredniece23
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Stranger4Life Jun 27, 2025
Naww thank u 🫶 I promise I'm trying. Much love to all the carers on this forum.
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Hi strangerforlife, you definitely deserve a rant, you also deserve a life!

I'm so sorry, I get it caregiveing, slowly eats away at anything good in your life and one day you wake up and say, where did my life go??

Is there anyway you can get more help.

Tell us more, who your caring for, there health issues? Your not the only one here not in the states, there may be others here, from where you are that can help you find some relief.
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Reply to Drivingdaisy
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Stranger4Life Jun 27, 2025
Hi Drivingdaisy 👋 yeah we have aged care and more than enough resources for carers to come and help but my mum refuses any outside help apart from me. The tide is slowly turning tho. Slowly slowly I'm introducing other things and people to help. Not bad for 5 years in progress lol. Just so sad seeing them deteriorate and become a worse human being personality wise. I love my mum but dislike the person she is. Thanks for your reply. I don't get too many nice words these days lol
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