My parents are 71 and 81. I am the youngest child. I do have an older half-sister but she is schzophrenic. I am single, unemployed and on disability myself with no resources or friends.
Dad (81) had a stroke four years ago. This last one did permanent damage to his left arm. I moved to their apartment building and began my limited caregiving duties. My parents are both quite manipulative and use guilt-trips on me. Mom has long been both mentally and physically ill but does take her many medications. At the time, Dad took precedence. They don't have much of a marriage; they do not help each other. When I am not there, they often fight. My mother will tell me or I will arrive at the end of a not-pleasant discussion over something. My father states he loves my mom dearly and that he could not bear to be separated from her. Mom says she's not going to any nursing home because she wouldn't be allowed to smoke her two-pack-a-day cigarette habit. I am a staunch non-smoker so living with me is a moot.
During the last four YEARS, my control-freak Dad has fought me on everything an aging parent needs to do if they want to stay at home, from in-home care to getting financial subsidy for a nursing home, to getting power-of-attorney set up, etc, etc, etc. It was terribly embarassing do be asked a SECOND time "You still DON'T have power-of-attorney set up?!" when I got their income tax done. I have had many talks with Dad about the situation but it's his way or the highway. It is like he does not WANT to understand that I am struggling myself and that, worse case scenario, I could wind up homeless in the next year.
Meanwhile, it is obvious they are both declining more and more each month yet my father refuses to make arrangements for himself and his wife, despite the fact that he does have a contact person/case manager, AND his own doctor told him last month he should be in a nursing home. After four years of this craziness, I have distanced myself emotionally as I figure his ignorance is no longer my crisis. I naively signed up for this situation (and they should have realized I could not handle it given my situation and limitations), yet I do want to see them taken care of properly before one of them falls and breaks something. What can I do if I can't force them to do anything? Any suggestions? Thanks