My dad and I were in an accident several months ago. My dad suffered a traumatic brain injuries that have left him a functional paraplegic and he has some cognitive disabilities. My dad is headed to an inpatient rehab for a few weeks to see if they can train him to get himself in and out of a wheelchair and be able to care for himself. It’s a bit of a long shot considering the hemorrhage he suffered on his brainstem, that essentially left him unable to move his legs much and not be able to tell if he has to go to the bathroom.
after months of in-and-out of ICU care, into an LTACH, and back into general care, we finally got him accepted into a rehab. He’s doing exceptionally well despite his injuries. He’s able to eat on his own and entertain himself. The biggest concern is if he will be able to come home and if my sisters and I will be able to care for him effectively.
I know the horror stories about nursing homes and since we lost my mom just a year ago, it’s hard to imagine sending him dad to a skilled nursing facility. I want to do right by my dad, I just don’t know what to do. I’d love some advice or just to hear about your experiences. Thank you in advance
My condolences on the loss of your mom.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
This reputation that all NH are horrible is the exact reason why so many kids ruin their lives by insisting on taking care of their parents themselves.
You asked for experiences - there is a family I know whose mother has a chronic, debilitating disease and at a young age the kids were expected to help dad with her care needs. This has been going on for over a decade now with no end in sight - one child has never been able to create a life for themselves and the other has many emotional scars, both are so screwed up
What if the accident was the fault of someone else or the OP?
What then?
I spent my life as a RN. I knew at once that I would never be capable of this kind of care 24/7 no matter the amount of love I had for the person involved.
I hope that you and your sister do not attempt this. Do the best you can, given his assets, to find your Dad adequate and kind care. Meanwhile, while he is in rehab, make a point of staying with your Dad for an entire 12 hours so you understand clearly what I am saying to you.
Send him to the facility where he belongs.
Never ever take someone in such bad condition into your home. His care will consume your life. Your household and all relationships in it will change, and not for the better. You have no idea how long it will last, and once he’s there, it will be next to impossible to get him out.
Skilled nursing facilities are just that. Some are better than others. Choose carefully.
The facility will provide a social life, trained help for the difficult tasks he faces, prepared food and people to hang out with.
By the way, heard the Activities Director at the facility I'm at, quit.
"I am a 23 year old caregiver to my father after we were in an accident. I’m a grad student and now the guardian of my littlest sister. "
Your Dad is 45. I'm so sorry for what this accident has done to your young lives.
Because of your age, I think finding your Dad a reputable facility for him will be the best thing for everyone. My MIL is in LTC (on Medicaid) in an excellent facility. Go on Nextdoor.com and ask your community for recommendations. If your Dad qualifies for LTC, he may also qualify for Medicaid to pay for it.
In a good facility he will feel more independent and have more opportunities for social activities and interactions. My MIL gets taken out on a pontoon boat (in her wheelchair) goes to outings, participates in activities, etc. It is a long-established faith-based facility that happens to be very close to our house. Good places do exist. Get recommendations.
I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you and your whole family go on this journey (((hugs)))
Unless you are an RN, PT, and psychiatrist all rolled into one, and can survive on no sleep, and do this for years… you are not qualified to take this on.
Listen to the people here who know of what they speak!
I promise there are nice, caring facilities out there.
But I fear you have already decided to take him home and do it all yourselves.
This isn't a Lifetime movie. This is real life. You are not going to be able to solve his problems by just loving him a little more.