I just need to vent, and hoping someone will understand, or has the same type of situation.
My mother is 96, and has been having health issues for quite awhile now. She recently had another hospital stay, and is home now, but requires constant care. My sister is her main caregiver, but I help out because my sister is in her 70's.
Here is the issue. I truly do not like my mother. She is a nasty, manipulative, demanding, selfish person, and always has been! She does nothing but scream at us if we don't do what she wants, when she wants it, and we never seem to do anything right! She was physically and emotionally abusive to me when I was growing up. She has mental issues, and she fakes many ailments to get attention. She treats my sister, her main caregiver, like trash and my sister just accepts it. I won't tolerate it, and if I speak up to my mother, my sister gets upset with me! I'm having some health issues of my own, and also have a daughter who has been ill for many years that I need to be there for. I am beyond stressed out with the pressures of it all, which makes my health condition worse due to high stress. My siblings, who live far away, also put pressure on me to help my sister more, while they get to live their lives!
I feel like a horrible person for resenting my mother, but I can't help it. She was never there for me, and emotionally and physically abused me when I was younger, and even though I went through therapy, I still cannot get past it. I look at her and feel disgusted. I dread going to take care of her, and I don't feel like giving up my life for someone who treated me so horribly. All I have is flashbacks of how I was treated as a child. I also can't stand my sister catering to her, and condoning her behavior. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for listening!