I'm caring for my Mom (77) who's having screaming episodes. What can I do?

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I need help immediately. She is extremely set in her ways and has always been paranoid of people. She was commited into treatment/mental institutions when she was in her 40s because she was seeing hairs under her skin. During that time she was drinking heavily and quit drinking after her last involuntary hospital stay. Now she is seeing the hairs again and is constantly brushing and pulling her hair away from her skin. UNTIL we go to the doctors. Then she's an angel. I have no help from either of my siblings because she has told them I have been abusive (physical) to her and they believed her and will not talk to me. I myself attempted suicide because I am at my wits end. A couple days ago, she was very agitated thinking that a friend of mine and myself were scheming behind her back. She screamed for two hours at me and finally went to bed and woke me up the next morning the same way. When she does this, she calls my brother (Arkansas) or my sister (Washington) and we live in San Diego. She couldn't get in touch with them, so I suggested she call her social worker but she called 911 instead. They could see immediately that she wasn't right in her mind and finally, I felt like someone understood what I was going through but they suggested I look on the internet which brings me here. My brother just now started calling my mother again after a 10 year absence. He avoids all responsibility so he is no help. My sister won't talk to me because my mother calls her while I'm at the store or not around and tells her I am mean to her and have been physically abusive to her. My sister has visited my mother once in 22 years and that was for 10 minutes. She calls maybe 3 times a year. After speaking with my mother, my sister has called social services and reported me to them and the police instead of asking me what is going on even though I've had to live with mom for over 6 years now. When I try talking to her she hangs up on me. She tells my mother to kick me out and once the two of them get going my life is a living h*ll. There is no way my mother can live by herself. As soon as I smooth things over with my sister, my mother gets extremely mad and calls her again when I'm not around and it all starts over again. I have nobody else in my family. No children, or anyone else. I had to split with my husband of 20 years when he got transferred because I could not leave my mother alone. My mother will not let me go into the doctor's office with her except for one time and it was to her neurologist. Her neurologist wanted her to see a psychiatrist about her mental problems and now my mother refuses to see her. My mother is on social security with no other income. My mother will not listen to anything I have to say. As soon as I try to talk to her (during her normal time), she starts screaming how much everybody hates me, etc. As I said before, I took an overdose of sleeping pills because I feel so depressed and alone. My mother is seeing the hairs again and now I know she needs to go into assisted living. What can I do to get the process started? What rights do I have to see her doctors? Any help you can give me would be so appreciated. Thanks for listening.

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Your mother's mental illness is way beyond a single person's ability to deal with, especially a non-professional's. She needs to be in the hands of people who know what they are dealing with, for her own good, to say nothing of yours. Driving yourself to your death will not help anyone really. You have gone far beyond your duty and have NOTHING to feel guilty about. I suspect one of the reason's she is playing you off against your siblings, is the divide and conquer strategy. This is very nasty, but it sounds like she is a very nasty woman, even if she is a mother. It happens. Perhaps her mental illness is a mitigating factor. But you know, evil is evil and should not be called other than what it is. Your first moral obligation is to protect yourself.
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I do record our conversations quite a bit. Does APS give nanny cams because that would be perfect! My mother is so manipulative when it comes to people pitying her. I don't know why in the world she is trying to break all of us siblings up except for the fact she loves isolating me from everyone. You've all been so helpful. Thank you so much.
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You need to cover your you know what!
Make sure neighbors and friends etc all are aware of this, call adult protective services telling them you want to be pro active in case anyone misinterprets the screaming that you are not torturing her in case she starts saying that next and nobody knows but you.
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Debstar, put the guilt aside, very often parents play the guilt card and so do siblings. This is manipulative behavior, emotional abuse that no one should have to go through. Very often the only solution is to get out. Call APS, tell them you WANT a Nanny Cam so they can see for themselves how she goes into a meltdown. Protect your own life first, hers second.
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Thank you so much for all of your input. "you're a wonderful daughter".....words I've been wanting to hear all my life. I agree I need to get out of here. It's just the guilt that eats me up. But I can't take anymore. Thanks again for your help.
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I am SO sorry you've spent 20 years in this living h*ll with your mom. You're a saint. Call Adult Protective Services and tell them you can no longer take care of your mom. She needs more help than you can give her. You cannot do this on your own. Your mom is mentally ill and needs to be in a facility that can help her.

You need to have a chance to get your OWN life and happiness back - away from your two siblings and mom. Come back here often - you'll find a lot of support from caregivers who understand all too well what you're going through. Blessings to you - you're a wonderful daughter.
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Get out of there any way you can. Like yesterday.
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Deb,
I am huge on personal responsibility and taking charge of taking care of your loved ones. HOWEVER, if the situation drives you to attempt suicide, you need to get out immediately. Get help from APS. Mom' decline is sad and the fact that a long life can end in such sad state is disturbing, the only greater tragedy would be that it would deprive you of your future.

Call APS, they can help get her into a home and cut communications with sis.

Good luck

L
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