Caring for my grandmother is wearing me out. How can I deal with my emotions?

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Me and my mother are taking care of my 77 year old grandmother and it is wearing me out. I feel guilty if I don't do what she wants me to do. But then again, I get mad because she asks me to do stuff for her all of the time. I just want her to do things in life while she has the chance. She can do some things, but she wants everybody to wait on her hand and foot. I get emotional sometimes because sometimes I have no time for myself, and that is needed for me! I need help. Any tips

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Vandy, I have a daughter your age. we have an aunt living in our house who is 85. If you are still here tomarrow, maybe I will let her come on your thread. You are very sweet, I hear the same things from my daughter. Your not alone.:)
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Vandygurl...I am 59 yrs. old and I fel the same way you do when my mom asks me to do almost everything for her like get me some coffee, put my shoes on me, take me to the bathroom, and she doesn't even say "please." And it wears me out, too.

The fact that you recognize you need time to yourself is the most important thing right now. I like to read to get my mind off things, or take a walk, especialy now in the spring when everything starts blooming.

Keep your friends! They probably won't understand everything that is happening to you, but you need to be with people your own age. And talk to your mom about your feelings. She may feel the same way.

I hope this helps
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Vandygurl21, you know why your grandmother gets the attention she does, don't you? It's because she can. Your allowing it. It's hard to be the young one and feel like you always have to be obedient, because you were taught that way. You have to think (in your mind) that your grandmother is only a 3 year old. You have to call the shots now and you can do it with respect and calmness. Doesn't matter if your grandmother gets upset.......so do 3 year olds. You set up time away from her and really take care of yourself and your needs. Older people become insistent about things, when what they really want is a hug, or "I still love you so much," things like this. Be consistent about YOUR time, not her's.
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Vandygurl, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this at such a young age. She needs to get exercise by doing some things for herself. Plus, you're 13! You need a life. What does your mom say about your grandmother giving orders? Is she calling you constantly? My uncle (who is living with me) knows only to bother me a few times a day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner he has my attention and will ask me for something...like to make a call for him or to get him something. I know that feeling of guilt. I feel guilt, sadness for my uncle, then anger at his demands, then guilt again. It's not easy. Can you have a talk with your grandmother. Tell her how much you love her. That you want to help her, but you also need time for yourself. Or you can tell her, 'Grandma I need some uninterrupted time to myself. Is there anything you need before I am unavailable.' She will get the message after a while. There are so many kind people here, you'll get a lot of support if you need it. I hope you have fun on your weekends. Hugs, Care
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Hey there Vandy!
Vent vent vent. You have made a great choice by reaching out and asking for help. This site is full of caregivers new and experienced and they are all loving angels who will answer your questions, give you support and be here when you need to tell someone how you feel.

Guilt is part of the experience but it is an unhealthy part. Whe you start to feel that resentment create an excuse to leave the room so your Grandmom doesn't get her feelings hurt and go off somewhere by yourself even if it's only for a moment.

Some elderly people are masters of the guilt trip and that is because of the decline that they are facing. A person must be very brave to face the end of their lives and sometimes they fight back by being demanding and wanting all of your attention.

If your Grandmom is dealing with Dementia or another disease, it is also very scary for her and she will 'act out' in different ways like demanding behavior.

Get together with your mom and figure out how you both can get time AWAY from Grandmom so you both don't go nuts. Find out if there is an organization near you that can send someone out to sit with her so you both can go to a movie or out to lunch or whatever you dream up.

You also need to spend plenty of time with folks your own age so you don't see this beautiful world through the eyes of an elderly person. That is not fair. Your life is just as important and you are absolutely correct in understanding that you need your own time.

You're going to be ok Vandygurl. You're a smart one and you're in the right place at the right time.

As they say in another organization.....
Keep coming back. It works!

lovbob
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