Caring for a parent, how can I get help?

How about spending Mom's IRA on someone to come in and give you a break and give you some time alone with your husband? Keep thorough records, pay with her checks, not cash.

I live rurally so I understand there aren't a lot of people for you to choose from. But there aren't a lot of jobs either.

Doesn't matter if she likes it or not, you have to take care of yourself and your marriage.

As I finished your question, spooky, I had an answer in mind. And then I discovered that OncehatedDIL had already given my answer!

The rules about when someone is eligible for assistance assume that each person should use their own resources for their own care first, and then ask for assistance if they need it. That is what should happen here. Mom's money should be used to provide her care. It is Mother, not you, who can afford to bring someone in, and that should happen as soon as possible.

And on the subject of spending Mom's money ... does she get SS or a pension -- some kind of monthly payments? Is she paying you for her room and board? That should happen, and it should be spelled out in a personal care agreement. This is an important step in getting ready to apply for Medicaid someday. It is NOT about how much you love her. Obviously you love her very much or you would not have her living with you. It is about doing all the right things to make her life a little easier down the road.

If I could give any advice, it would be that all caregivers HAVE to take rest breaks from caring for someone. It's so easy to burn out and start resenting the situation. I agree with "Once" and say, who cares if she doesn't like people? You and hubby need alone time for your to re-generate and re-invigorate yourself. Please take it from someone who has been there. If you're just starting caregiving, you might as well start out right. What is mom going to do if you hire someone for a few hours? Get angry? It too will pass and you need it for your sanity. Also, once moms' money in the IRA is gone some states (like NJ where I lived) had a program that was wonderful. Mom was able to go to day care for 1 dollar a day. She didn't love it but, it helped me get things done and helped my sanity. Look into programs that are offered in your state.

spooky1962, you've received very good advice. I also live in a rural area, by choice, my husband and I are loners and we aren't crazy about a lot of people also! Our county has an agency for seniors maybe you could check into that, a church, neighbors, etc. just be careful who comes into your home. I had a bad experience so I always give others a heads up. Not all caregivers are nice, not all agencies are stellar.
I see so many stories on AC from people who have parents move into their home yet the parent doesn't want any hired caregivers. Not to be mean, but its YOUR home and if you need help, then mama needs to buck up and get on board and the sooner the better. Don't let that mindset get cemented or you'll lose all control in your own home. Getting older and possibly requiring care is a fact of life, not pleasant, but it has to be dealt with. I wonder how many parents balk at change because they think their adult kids won't speak up. It's your house, your rules.

Thank you:) I am feeling very stressed,but the thought of time out is worth looking into it.My sister is in charge of the $$,as i did not want the whole thing on my shoulders.Mom does get SSI.she is 82.