Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
RUN....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

littletonway we seem to have an increasing number of trolls here lately
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I suspect MsBeth is playing with us! This is sounding just too fishy to me. She obviously has problems of her own to allow this situation to continue; placing herself and her children in danger......provided the story is real.

Sorry but I am not buying it!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You ask how him dying in your home could be bad for you. Won't whoever comes want to know why you let him starve? Don't you see how he is putting you in danger?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

MsBeth. I am begining to wonder about you. I just re-read your post. You said you are the oldest of 14 kids AND he left when you were 2. Never was much good at math but this one is glaring. You have been told what you need to do but you fail to help this man who needs nutrition and rehydration. Changed from whisky to beer did he? and the minister got it for him. Hmmm . Don't waste our time MsBeth
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

OK let's pretend you are one of the children.. What kind of emotional damage do you have from living with a sociopathic drunk? How do you trust a mother who tells you she's locking you in to keep you safe from the nut case? What do you tell the other kids when they want to come to your house? How do you function in school when home is a night mare? Beth, what on earth are you thinking? CPS would take the kids away if they knew.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

How could him dying in my home be bad for us?
I have thought about his "weakness" as an act also, (which is why I have Fort Knoxed our bedroom doors). He's had ppl convinced that he was dying for 8yrs, he's a very good actor.
For yrs I wanted to know him, now I do- sadly I wish I didn't now.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I see you said he gets other people to get him beer. He sounds pretty capable if you ask me despite his obstacles and weaknesses. I really think he is playing on you. I really don't understand why you are trying to take care of him. You even say you don't want to. So why are you?

I know it is hard to allow people, especially people related to us (maybe) to fall on hard times. But he sounds like he is very capable of adapting to whatever situation he is in and for his own good you should follow the advise of the other posters here. I am sorry you are heart broken and he opened childhood wounds of loss and abandonment. But please protect yourself and your family.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

From the sound of him, he could also be pretending to be too weak. Besides, being weak doesn't stop him from hurting you or your son in other ways.

As I was reading other comments, I thought, what if he dies in her house? That could be bad for you, too.

How is he getting beer?

You may want a relationship with a father you didn't have or know, but this is not healthy and is very dangerous for you. I understand wanting a father. I reunited with my own father after 35 years. And within a year, he, too, needed a place to live and some care. But I didn't know him at all and he ended up getting on his feet and rebuilding his life without me sacrificing my life or putting myself or my family in danger. If not for you, think of your son.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Angel he will get anyone who comes here to buy his beer (even asked a minister once), that's why I took over control of his money (which he hates) and Ashlynne I do keep my bedroom door locked at all times, and have put locks inside and outside of my bedroom and my two children's bedrooms.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You're not afraid of him because he can barely walk? Well you should certainly be afraid. Even if he can only walk a little, while you're sleeping he can take as long as it takes to get to your bedroom and cause you harm. Keep your bedroom door locked!

Stop buying him the booze. Several days without food or water and he'll be a candidate for 911, an ambulance and the ER. Where he goes from there is not your problem.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh, I assumed that the whiskey was his only source of alcohol. So then yes you are correct, he is not detoxing. But, where is he getting the beer? You have no obligation to enable his addiction. Stop buying alcohol, and send him on his way. If he is your father, and wants to be in your life, he needs to get sober first. Right now all he is is a burden.

Angel
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

he's not detoxing- he consumes beer like someone drinks coffee or other beverages. It's all he drinks from wake up to bed.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Detox from alcohol can be fatal. He needs to be in a hospital immediately. He could have a seizure and die due to the cold turkey stopping of drinking. You need to call an ambulance immediately and tell them you have someone in your house that is detoxing from alcohol. He needs a medical protocol so it doesn't kill him.

Once he is detoxed, you do not have to take him back into your house. They will place him in a shelter or other appropriate housing.

Angel
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

MsBeth. Time to call 911 and send him to the ER and don't take him back. He's clearly a very sick man and needs placement but apart from that he needs to be hospitalized because he has not eaten or drunk anything for six days he will also be suffering withdrawal from the lack of alcohol which is very dangerous. He may start having seizures so watch out. He may refuse to go but it's either the ER or the police because he is squating in hour home.
I am sorry you spent so much money but stop throwing good after bad and get him out NOW. Blessings. Do not sign anything related to him because it will come back and bite you and you don't have proof he is your Dad. if you want to keep in touch once he is placed that is fine but don't take any responsibility. Hugs
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I have everything locked in my bedroom, he can barely walk and being that he is now on strike because I will not let him consume whiskey in my house- he is refusing to eat. (6days now) I am not afraid of him physically hurting me, he's nothing more than a bag of bones.
A friend told me that he is trying to guilt me into giving him his whiskey back (not happening) and that I may be able to get a contract between him and me to pay back all the money I used to go get him and bring him back including the items I bought for him, bed, dresser, personal items, food etc. ($3500.00 total) She told me to treat him like a tenant instead of my dad because he doesn't deserve my kindness.
I truly am torn up over this, and yes angry not only at him but myself for falling for his lies. My family (brothers, sisters, aunts and uncle) are also hurting because they too are victims of his lies.
I read online that I could get paid to care of him through medicare or medicaid. Im not sure how that works. I really have been looking into helping him, and myself since I have been thrown into this situation.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

First of all get sworn statements by yourself and your son in law verifying the facts that he told you what he went to prison for. No-one spends 10 years in prison for unpaid parking tickets and I would be very afraid to have this man in my house for a minute. Do whatever you have to to get him out of your house immediately. I fear for your safety.

Next get a DNA test if only for your own peace of mind so you know if he really is your father or not You can do this without him knowing by taking a used coffee cup or drinking glass to the lab. I personally doubt he's your father, just a con man who uses and mooches off "found" children.

In the meantime hide everything, your bank records, cheque book, jewellery, cell phone - anything and everything he could get his hands on. Use a safety deposit box, don't hide stuff inn the house for him to get his mitts on.

With the sworn statements of you and your son in law and his prison record, along with DNA that shows he's not related to you, you should be able to have the cops remove him from your house immediately. Once that occurs I suggest you change the locks and, if necessary, get a restraining order.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you EVERYONE some of you truly made me laugh.
I did go to the police and they thought I was insane for doing all I have for him. They did get me in contact with agencies, one telling me to charge him for all my expense's and then send him into a facility - his refusal to eat (5days now) and not shower (over a yr) is mental issue's. The police also did a back ground check on him and he was in prison for 10yrs, (not sure why though it didn't show up in records) when I asked him about it he said armed robbery - he told my son in law he killed a man. OMG!! I don't know what to believe when it comes from his mouth. either way I am looking into alternative care for him. I don't have the money or means to do this and I don't want too. Heart broken to the max
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Contact the police in his home twon where you picked him up and find out if he is wanted there and check any prison records with them. I bet this is not the first time he has found a "lost" daughter. h'e plain bad news get him out amd quit buying the booze. Your local police an check with those in Missouri for you. First job in the morning is the police station that way he won't know what you are up to. Tell him it is a Dr appointment or something. I hear a hint of fear so get right to it. Let us know what happens, it's all good information to pass on. Social services will probably give him a one way bus ticket if the police do not transport him for you. You can probably press some charges for extortion. I believe there are laws to protect the elderly. They will probably give him a shower at the jail before he changes into a nice clean orange jump suit.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I too just found my father after 49 years, luckily he turned out to be a good guy. If he was not, I would have absolutely NO problem whatsoever kicking him to the curb. He hasn't been there all of my life and I am just fine. Please pack his meager belongings and (if need, police presence) and evict him, so to speak, but go on with your life as you were. There is such a thing as being too kind. You need to think about yourself and family first, he obviously only thought about himself and continues to do so. Please keep us posted too !
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm not sure there's anything the police can do. Lying isn't illegal. He's not holding you hostage. Your only hope with the police would be if your dad has an outstanding warrant but it may not show up in NY if he was in MO.

You're obviously a caring person with a big heart to drive all the way to MO from NY to collect your dad. You must have been so happy to have connected with him after all of these years and to have it turn out this way must be very disappointing for you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. In my opinion based on what you wrote he doesn't deserve your loyalty or your generosity. You are in no way obligated to him or responsible for him. It's not like he's been in your life all of these years and you are now taking care of him. He abandoned you when you were 2 and hasn't been seen or heard from until now with his batch of lies all designed to manipulate you. You owe him nothing. Not one single thing and anything you can do to get him out of your house and out of your life you are within your rights to do. Kick him out. Lock the door. Call the police if he makes a ruckus. Get him out of there.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Rehab facility or the street. Make sure he's not staying long enough to have tenant rights in your state. Tough love is his only chance, don't feel selfish about giving him the boot. You seem to be handling the realities of what could have been an emotional disaster area really well, BTW!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

MsBeth, first I am sorry you have had to find out this about this man.... I am sure other than the anger about the lies, you are hurt..... this is a loose loose situation for you...... I would contact the police and ask them where to go next... explain the situation, they may have some answers or be able to guide you to someone who can help...... get this man out of your house..... period.... please let us know how this turns out... sending you hugs and prayers that this has a simple solution....
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Pam- no one in Missouri wants him. They have told him he's not welcome there. My siblings have also told him the same thing.
Captain- I "was" forgiving before I found it all to be lies. He played on my emotions, he knew I'm a widow n he thought $. He found out I'm not a rich widow.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

if your in a forgiving frame of mind require him to pay his own way plus a fee for caregiving. im sorry but there is no excuse for walking away from a 2 yr old and never looking back. im into forgiveness but im into making things right too..
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You are big hearted and you now see your dream of finding him was more fantasy than anything else. Get two of your biggest brothers to take him back to Missouri.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I've heard that b4 lol.. he is tho. I look exactly like my aunts.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

He's probably not your father, either. Call the cops.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter