Caring for aging mom, end stage heart failure, stage 4 arthritis. I go to sleep every night wondering if she’ll wake up.

What kind of bed did you get, a regular one. Mattress and boxspring? If so, see if you can switch out the boxspring for a 5 inch one. That may help. Or, put slats across the frame and use only the mattress.

If a hospital bed, then it should be able to be adjusted to almost the floor.

You are confused when it comes to Medicare and Medicaid.

Medicare is a health insurance but only pays 80% of the cost so the need for a suppliment is needed, with Mom its Medicaid.

Medicare will cover the cost of Hospice in the home. They will cover in home care after a hospital or rehab visit. But only as long as needed. This is what ur Mom probably received.

Medicaid, unless there are copays and deductables, pretty much pays for everything else. Some States, Dental, Vision and prescriptions are covered. If Mom qualifies, in home care. You or Dad need to call and ask for an evaluation. Mom may get an aide for a few hours a day.

Hospice will cost you nothing and as said, Medicare pays for it. I think it wouldn't hurt to have them visit. Explaining what they can do for Mom to keep her comfortable. Your Mom will eventually pass. Wouldn't it be nice that she be kept comfortable in the days she has left.

If she's 70, she should have Medicare first and possibly Medicaid if in a nursing home. It sounds like from your post that she's at home and thus Medicare will pay for hospice at home if she meets the criteria. In order for Medicare to cover it, it has to be ordered by her doctor (or a doctor) and you must use a Medicare-approved hospice provider (if approved, that information will be given to you). There are limitations, it is meant for terminal, comfort care but terminal means up to 6 months and can be renewed:

https://www.medicare.gov/what-medicare-covers/what-part-a-covers/how-hospice-works

You are correct, Medicare will not pay for a home aid, but it will pay for limited home health care (from a nurse or PT/OT therapist) upon approval. This is why you only got 3 visits, that is what Medicare determined was necessary. I had to learn a lot about Medicare because both of my folks had multiple issues after they hit 65. We were lucky, my mom had secondary coverage as a retired federal employee and it covered both of them. However, in order for the secondary insurance to pay, Medicare had to approve and pay their portion first. So there was a lot to learn over the years.

I am assuming she is under the care of a physician or at least someone who renews her prescriptions. That is where you start. You call their office, explain the situation and tell them you are interested in getting an assessment for home hospice from Medicare. If you are not able to physically get her to an office visit (my mom was bedridden), ask her doctor's office for a referral for a Medicare approved visiting physician program. Hopefully they won't give you any crap and you'll get a referral. Usually you will call that service, explain the situation, have her Medicare card info in front of you, and they'll walk you through it.

Trust me, at 20 I wouldn't even drive on the freeway. I got married a year later and moved from southwestern Ohio to Houston, Texas. I married a jerk who tossed me in the deep end of the pool and I discovered underneath that little girl was a tough cookie. I never looked back. At 20, chances are you've never seen the movie Terms of Endearment. You need to rent it or stream it or find a way to watch it. There is a scene towards the end where Shirley MacLaine throws a temper tantrum at the nurses station where her daughter is hospitalized, screaming 'give my daughter the shot'. That became my mantra the first time my mom nearly died when I was 33 years old. I learned to fight with nurses, doctors, hospitals, insurance companies, you name it. The first time I pulled my own Shirley MacLaine at a nurses station, I didn't even realize I was doing it until after the nurse did exactly what I told her to do. My mom had nearly died and I wasn't taking any crap off of anyone ever again.

You love your mom, you are 20 years old and dealing with this and I can tell you have your own tough cookie inside. Let her out and make your mom's remaining time more comfortable.

I recommend Hospice too, her doctor can refer her based on certain criteria and Medicare will pay for it. As Treeartist said - it doesn't mean death is imminent. Once approved, they will come to the house and from her perspective, nothing should change. I was stunned when my mom agreed to it about a month before she died. I'm also so sorry you have to lose your mom at 20. My mom started having life threatening incidents when I was 33 and they continued until she died at 86, when I was 60. I didn't want to lose her when she was 59 anymore than when she had the last emergency that nearly killed her when she was 83. By the last year of her life she was bedridden and when she died in November, it was a huge relief. I figure that was her last gift to me - making her last year so awful for all of us that I never shed a tear. I know it sounds strange.

Talk to her doctor and have him do a Hospice evaluation. There comes a time when even the most mentally competent patient has to give a little. If they can give her some relief, your days with her will hopefully be a little better and you'll have good memories. It's never easy losing your mom at 20, no matter how it happens. Taking care of ill, aging patients is overwhelming and frankly awful. I don't have any regrets with how I handled the last year of my mom's life, despite her frequent complaints and demands. That is my advice - no matter what happens, it will be easier on you if you can feel the same way at the end.

My heart goes out to you during this time chika. It is deeply meaningful that you can appreciate your mother for this 20 years. That love and gratitude will remain with you.

It sounds like you need hospice support although mother may not want it. This will help you and your father. With diminishing capacity and less oxygen, this may be contributing to her thinking. Her doctor may recommend it and you may be able to decide for her. I had to talk with my mother's doctor who evaluated the need.

You are so young to be losing your mother. Everything you are feeling is completely normal. Do you have any help? Has your mother been evaluated for Hospice? Hospice doesn’t mean her death is imminent. They could help with her pain and give you invaluable advice. Ask her doctor for help in choosing a hospice company. This is such a huge responsibility to be handling alone and at your age. Please come back to tell us how you and your mom are doing. I am praying for you.

We also just got a new bed for her but she couldn’t reach how high or get on , its gettting harder and harder