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Hello everyone, I am new here. I have been caring for my 89 grandma for 4 years now I am 34. She was diagnosed with dementia 1 year ago. Things were pretty hectic for the past year, she is very apprehensive to let someone handle her affairs. Her daughter (my mom) recently came home from a 9 year prison stay-she has a history of opiate abuse and stealing. The day she came home to live with us she took over. After 5 days home my grandma demanded i give all her meds to my mom to take care of..mostly controlled substances. Bad idea. Now my grandma has went 3 weeks without her pain meds bc my mom took them all. My grandma is an enabler for my mom. Always has been. They are both stealing from me. I lock my room up and mom cuts my screen and climbs through my window, taking money and anything of value. I promised my grandpa I would care for grandma. This promise I have to break. I provide everything here for the both of them. I pay bills,buy food for them and their pets. My mom wont work (shes 53) and mooches off my grandma. I have no poa or anything stating she cant make decisions for herself. I am moving june 6 bc this environment is not only unhealthy for myself but my 12 and16 yo. I am a single mom, I can't afford to provide for me gram and the kids and mom. Too much for one person. My grandma has started abusing me, hitting me and saying vile hurtful things in front of my children. Mom is always high on something and I can't take this anymore. I'm afraid when I leave my grandma will be taken advantage of and that all her things will be stolen. I have to move us for my sanity. This situation has made me suicidal at times. Talking to grandma results in her telling my mom my concerns which in turn causes horrible dramatic screaming matches and spiteful behaviors. Do you guys have any advice on what to do from here? Seems I'm the adult here. My mom wont work. Am i doing the right thing?

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You are obviously a kind and loyal person (which, unfortunately, works against you because it makes you feel guilty, right?) But you need to get grandma some help, preferably out of the house, and to get your mother out too. Drugs are horrible things, as you know from watching your mom. But you are not responsible for fixing either one of them. Your mother is going to self destruct whether you try to help her or not. Just get grandma some help and then get yourself out of there.
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I will go to the APS and contact her doctor. My jaw dropped reading some of these replies. This was a horrible idea.
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I came here for answers. They are my only family other than my children. I work constantly 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. I have friends we can stay with, but guys my grandma is almost 90. My mother -although on parole leaves almost every night. I cant leave her alone. I have responsibilties. My children have been with their dad since she hit me last weekend. I have contacted her parole officer twice. He offers a house arrest braclet. I have no aunts or other family to help. To the person saying im staying bc of whatever negative reason u assume.. My mom came home april 5th. It is May 13. Please come fill my shoes for one day.
I appreciate the honest helpful feedback. Ive never been in this situation before. How many 34 almost 35 year olds usually juggle all of this? For the kind folks I greatly appreciate you. For the negative, I'll pray for you. If this post is in multiple areas its bc this was my first post and i had no idea how or where to begin.
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Or, just as so many trolls do, just start another post!
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In addition to previous points, you can call your grandmothers doctor and make him/her aware of the situation. By law, they can drug test and if not enough of the opiate is in her system, they can cut her off from the prescription. That could be a breaking point for an addict to leave the house.
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Go. The sooner the better.

Keep your promise to Grandpa by reporting this situation to APS. It is beyond what you can handle.

Do your children have friends they could stay with until the magic June 6? Do you?
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Go. And call your mother's parole officer and then call Social Services to take care of your grandmother. This is not an environment for you and especially not for your children. Get out of there, then report them.
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Send makes good points - you have liability knowing about these abusive actions to your grandmother as well as the unhealthy environment for your children and you. Obviously your children are subject to child welfare considerations and could legally be removed from your custody.

And ask yourself why you're allowing your GM to physically abuse you.



Anonymously report your mother to her PO and anonymously report the abuse of GM to APS.
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This is such a bad situation that it is either a joke, a troll, or true.
If it is true, leave today with your children and live in your car until your new place is ready. Try a storage unit for your things. No discussion is needed.

If you don't have a car, try a shelter.

If you don't leave immediately, then you are also guilty of something, and must enjoy the drugged lifestyle and drama. What you have described is criminal.
imo.

When you call the probation officer, the term to use is: Prescription drug diversion.

If you don't call, or leave-you too can be arrested for same, plus child endangerment.
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APS, Adult Protective Services. Google it with your state name. Explain that it is an emergency because Grandma is being robbed by her daughter. DEFINITELY rat her out to her parole officer.

You must protect your children and yourself first. Get out and don't come back until your poor, addicted, but evil-doing mother is out of the picture.
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This is not a healthy environment for your children. If your mom is on parole, tell her PO and leave. It might be a good idea to call adult protective services to tell them what is going on and that you cannot and will not deal with it anymore. Whatever you do, save yourself and your children by leaving.
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Was your mother released on parole? Or did she serve her full sentence? If she is on parole, then she is in violation. Then the question would be do you let her PO know or do you let it ride?
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