Follow
Share

The master manipulator, my mom (venting). Ooh brother... I take care of mom all alone since my sister died suddenly 4 years ago. I have a brother but he is no help... he lives in another state he only calls for stupid suggestions... that make no sense and he doesn't care about us at all... no one does it seems... everyone moved on with their life since my sister died. It's just mom and I and the kitty... I am a Rehab RN and specialized in physical Rehab. Today I was putting mom on the toilet before bed... I put her wheelchair in the bathroom and asked her to stand up so she could sit on the toilet before bed. I have grab bars and a high toilet seat and what did she say? " lift me " I said what? She said" lift me on the toilet before bed " ...uh oh noooooo... I said you have 2 good legs you walk and stand. I reminded her I have Psoratic arthritis and I'm on methotraxate and IV remicaid and I cannot lift her and she can walk... she said lift me , I said nope not happening, she got mad and slapped me in the face... oh that wasn't good... I got her wheelchair turned it around in the bathroom took her to her bed as she is yelling help help she's trying to kill me... I got her to her bed and I said get in... she hopped up and got in bed... I said to her don't you ever ask me to lift you again, you have 2 good legs you use them... she has moderate Alzeheimer's and dementia and she is declining... I also am a hospice palliative casemanager... so we maybe headed there. Anyway has anyone else ever been manipulated like that before? As I left the room she yelled help she is gonna kill me. I had to start laughing, even if she did slap me. I try so hard to give her the best care, she has everything. I do without, and she is doing this stupid stuff asking me to lift her. If I died there would be no one to care for her no one cares anymore... she and the cat are all I have left... I even said to my brother... what would you do if I died and no one would care for mom? I worry about that. He ignored me... anyway thank you in advance for letting me vent... Is there anyone else out there alone with an animal, caring for a loved one and worry if something should happen to them? I have a lot of worries... thank you.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

7 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Sorry to hear that I feel your pain. Its overwhelming, frustrating N stressful all @ once. My mom is 90. My friend of 6 years just told me a couple days ago that he has been observing my mom and said 'your mom is selfish, I know she sick but everything u do for her she wants you all to herself. He's right, I caught on, whenever I have visitors which aren't to many she just clings on me, its aggravating N upsetting @ the same time. Its 215am Im up because she just had an episode, she was banging on the wall N window calling out her granddaughters name, my daug. is 30yr. Im wide awake in the back bedroom N I can hear my mom having a conversation in her sleep. I feel sad to see her like that but at the same time I feel angry. She's feisty N has to have the last word always and be right even when she's not. That's how she was in her younger years, always right, controlling N possessive. I guess she's mad because she's no longer in control. I must go, my mom just sat up and wants to get off the bed and fold her bedsheets. Thank god I have a baby monitor and motion sensor to watch N hear. Ok bye thanks for listening
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know you are trying to do the best for your mom. But it is stressful dealing with an elderly parent every day and their daily care.

I know you are only venting. And we are all here to listen and support you. But from what you are saying it might be time to let your mom move to memory care, assisted living or a nursing home. Maybe a social worker can help you with accessing more resources.

Please remember yourself in this equation. It sounds like things are escalating and it might be best to find other options.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
I'm so sorry. I think this is a broken brain at work.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I appreciate you al, and thank you ..it's hard when your alone and taking care of a parent . Today she is good ..not a word about yesterday got up went to the bathroom ate ....in bed for her nap ... I told her she needs to get up for supper and the toilet and she was fine with it ..time will tell ..I appreciate your letting me vent and the stories of your struggles make me feel not alone ne ...thank you all and I wish I could hug everyone ...I sure miss my sister ..life without her is lonely 
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
((((((((Hugs)))))))))))
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I'm mom's room I have a camera I can see her from my room ,,I do need a baby monitor thank you for the idea...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
It sounds like you are having a difficult time. Here is an article from this site that I found helpful. It's about how people who suffer with dementia aren't really trying to be manipulative, but, have brain damage. I don't think that viewing them as being manipulative is helpful, though, I understand that their behavior can be frustrating and overwhelming. 
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dementia-behavior-manipulation-154554.htm

I might discuss your mom's symptoms with her doctor. With dementia, the patient often loses the ability to walk. Their legs may be okay, but, the brain damage prevents the signals from working properly. I realize you are a healthcare professional, so I hope I'm not preaching to the choir. I'm sure you know more about this than I do. It's just that I think our standards for the things that people who have dementia say shouldn't stay the same after they are progressing.

Do you have help with her? If she's yelling for help and acting anxious, I'd discuss that with her doctor too and see if she needs meds for anxiety. That really helped my LO.
It's good that you are venting. Take care of yourself too.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter