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My mother has a great new caregiver who really is a good fit. She cooks, cleans and handles daily activities for my mother. The big problem is she talks nonstop. I mean nonstop. So far my mother is not complaining too much. Just today she said “it’s bad”. She has early dementia and I just don’t want all the talking to cause her unnecessary anxiety. How do I tell this girl to stop talking so much? How in the world could she not realize that she’s talking nonstop? Even when she texts me she goes on and on!


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I would be honest with her and tell her you think your mother is getting too anxious with all the chatter and she needs to stop. Tell her you are pleased with the care and cleaning and do not mean to offend, but she has to be quiet. I could not tolerate a chatterbox.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to earlybird
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She may be talking a lot because she is nervous.
If she is young she might not know that being quite is alright. So many young people do not know what to do with quiet. They are inundated with noise from phones, with computers, with all the "social activity" the idea that every thought must be communicated in some way.
If you like her and she is doing a great job then like any job you need to tell her. I am sure jobs that you have had after a brief time your manager has given you feedback on what you are going well and what needs improvement.
If you don't tell her she will never know.
Also with dementia it may take a person 45 seconds to hear a comment or question, process it then formulate a response. 45 seconds does not sound like a lot but it is an eternity when you want an answer.
Tell this caregiver that your mom needs time between statements to process and respond. This might help. And this is something that she will benefit from in this line of work.
Also tell her to keep texts short that when you are out and busy yourself you don't have time to read War and Peace the Cliffs Notes are all you need.
And tell her again that she is doing a good job.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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She needs to also understand that Mom probably has a hard time processing what she says so misses most of the conversation. Maybe the aide feels talking is helping to keep Mom engaged. I had two student nurses going thru a long thing about Moms care. I could tell they lost Mom on the first word and told them.

With Dementia patients, the less said the better. Short and sweet. Make sure you tell her what a great job she is doing. When u mention her talking, be nice. She could have ADD, ADHD, and this is a symptom of it. I am a talker. I realize this and try to stem it. I am able to read between the lines when people hint to me I am talking too much. I have had a couple be nasty, which they really didn't have to do.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Hi, the caregiver sounds amazing so you don't want to kill her spirit - it could be quite devastating. I suspect it could be nerves, or some other trait. So, I would definitely NOT make it personal. Do not tell her she talks to much, do not insult her in any way. Instead, ask her, "can I talk to you about mother?" (make it about mother) Then say something like "I need to talk with you about how mother processes information... etc... that mother can only process very very very small amounts of communication and therefore everyone tries to limit the amount of information". Make sure you heap praise. Don't let her go home thinking she's wrong in any way. I hope this works.
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Reply to anonymous739426
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I know people who need the constant conversation....I am not one of them! LOL  You're going to have to have a conversation with her and simply explain that your family is more on the quiet side and then ask if its going to be a problem for her to reel in her gift of gab.....

If she really talks as much as you say she does....this won't be the first time she has heard this. :-)
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Reply to Jamesj
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Ugh. Some people are totally clueless about the impact their behavior is having on others. She might not catch on to subtle hints about her talking too much, I'm afraid. I have a step daughter who could literally chew the ear off a goat, I know what it feels like and it's AWFUL! I think you need to talk to this caregiver and explain to her that your mother has early dementia, and all the non-stop talking is creating ANXIETY for her, and so, for THAT reason, can she please keep the conversation to a minimum? You may have to have this conversation more than once..........and then issue an ultimatum if it becomes too burdensome: she either cuts down on the chatterbox issue or she finds another job.

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Do so certainly and gently. Start with the good. Like "Janice, you are the best worker we ever had for Mom and she is crazy about you. But you DO talk a lot, and for Mom that is hard; she has a hard time just kind of sorting a lot of talk, and she is fairly quiet. I hate asking you this, because you are interesting and you are fun, and you are VERY skilled. But I have to ask you to try not to talk so much."

I have had times I had to have a hard interview while working. The best of them start with the wonderful. "You are such a leader. Others look to you and follow you. You finish before everyone else, and help others. NOW. Let me ask you why, when staffing is tight, you freak out so bad. Because everyone follows your lead. Then they ALL freak out. And it's chaos. I can't let you do that. So. Are you aware you do that? Is there a reason why? Let's trouble shoot this".

You know, we did. And the thing is, all I can remember for the most part is all the GOOD things I heard.
So gently and certainly. You shouldn't have to live with it and it will make you dislike a wonderful worker. Let her know. It could help her overall.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Yes, commend first
Address issue saying what MOM said "it's bad"
Put burden on how it makes mom FEEL
Her living conditions need to be pleasant
If Mom needs/prefers peace and QUIET, she's the boss
Give caregiver a gentle warning that this chattering creates anxiety and needs to be curtailed. If not, MOM will be in need of a new person, which you'd rather not need to "go there."
Be gentle, but Frank
Mom has earned the right to be comfortable in her own home.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
M88
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Reply to Mulata88
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Hi, would it be ok to put a radio headset on mom to block out the aide & relax mom?
Some folks luv music anyway. Or put the music on in the house so all can enjoy it.
When the talking goes on & on, just smile & tap ur foot 2the tunes! She may get tired of talking over music eventually. If not the radio, maybe t.v. wud work for curing it.
Good luck:)
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Reply to Tiger55
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gdaughter Sep 19, 2019
Sometimes in my line of work it was the CLIENT who wouldn't be quiet or would do something maddening like attempt to carry on a conversation with the staff person that was upstairs or down the hall and around a corner...we made it okay for staff to use headsets etc...especially if the client was listening to the TV loud...
(3)
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Some people do just like to talk, they effectively verbalise their running thought processes and genuinely don't realise that this can be uncomfortable for others (and would be mortified if they thought they were upsetting someone). Agree with others here that a little bit of gentle redirection should hopefully be enough. Praise her excellent care, but explain that your mother can find it hard to respond to a lot of information, so quiet is even better if she can.
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Reply to PinkPanther11
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