To take care of a vet at home who is in a state veterans home?I have dates this vet for 20 years. We are NOT married. He is in a state veterans home under long term care under medicaide insurance. He no longer has a house. If I were to bring him to my home can I/we get finacial help? He is over 80 years old, receives social security and a small pension less than 100 a month. When hospitalized his Medicare picks up. I feel that he could and would improve if he were at home. He has taken a few overnight visits and does so much more at home.

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Companion, please take note that one out of every three Caregiver dies leaving behind the love one they were caring. Then what? Not good odds :( That love one will return to the veterans home, without you to visit him.

Medicaid will not pay for around the clock care at your home because it is far cheaper for Medicaid to pay for continuing care in a facility. If you bring him to your home, you would need to set up your home like a nursing facility.... and Medicaid might only pay to have one certified trained Caregiver come in to help for 8 hours.... then you would be responsible for the other 16 hours.

Remember, whatever physical condition your fellow has, or memory issues, it won't get better, only worse. Would you be strong enough to lift him should he fall, or he needs help getting out of bed and you helping him to the bathroom? Bathing him? Day after day?
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Forget that plan immediately. You are not superhuman, you cannot do what three shifts of nurses have to do. Let him be. Visit weekly, that is just like a date.
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Before you start to visualize & plan his being at your home, see if you can go and be with him on his next doctor visits. You need to have a clear idea of what his health care needs are and if it's feasible at your home. Take notes or record what is said. Then speak with the social worker @ the facility to find out exactly what the funding source is paying for his stay and the amount. Is it feasible to live on this amount and would there be enough funds to pay for extra caregivers to come in and help you. You are, I'm assuming, not a spring chicken yourself? Caregiving is very hard to to & burn-out is a real possibility. What if you get sick?

Is there a reason why you all are not married? being his legal wife is going to make all this somewhat easier as right now you have no solid standing to do things for him. If his kids hate you, it could be quite messy. Are there any VA facilities that you both could move into which is subsidized by the VA, if you were married?

Did he ever get VA's "Aid & Attendance"? Are you sure that Medicaid is paying for his stay? Or is VA paying for it as it's a state VA facility?

In general, most caregiving is done by family out of love, devotion and for free. VA has a Aid & Attendance payment for those that qualify who need services and still live at home - it is the vet who gets the $ and then they pay family or whomever. Some states take Medicaid NH funding and divert it to pay for community based programs. These vary by state at to what is available. For caregiving under these it's minimum wage or slightly above that and for a set # of hours determined by the level of care needed. Seems to be on the average $ 10 hr and 20 hr a week and done by payroll with some type of training program required before you start (like maybe first aid course). The person getting the services may need to do a co-pay towards what the caregiver gets as well. It will not be a living wage by & large.

None of the options will be simple or straight forward.
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