Is anyone a caretaker for their parent who is in a personal care facility who is at odds with the administrators?

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It is a bad situation here with my absent brother and a cousin wanting my Mother to stay. I am POA of Health Care and have incurred legal expenses trying to get Mother out of here. The facility caused injury to Mother, tried to blame me for their negligence, kept me from moving Mother to another facility for Health Care after the emergency room visit (and, a fall out of the hospital bed) through their allegations against me that were unfounded. . .At the facilities Health Care Center, the regular Dr. of Health Care has representation at the facility every day. I know of no one else who was assigned the other Dr. - that only Mother was assigned. . . I believe he was paid not to see her so there would not be a record of treatment for her initial injury. I was told by the nurses to get Mother a microwaveable heating strip and place it on her sore areas. She would wake up in the am crying in pain. . .After about 2 weeks, she developed a cough, the Nurses wouldn't call the Dr., when I called, the Dr. wouldn't call me back. When I called the Dr.'s hotline, I was scolded that I should not call any more as it was not an emergency . . . her temperature was over 102 degrees. She was hospitalized with an illness that usually kills a person over 70 years old. Mother is 86 years old. It is six months later, more negligence/ abuse from the facility and staff and more false assertions against me . . .we have managed to defend against. I am still here every day with Mother taking care of her. How do we get out of this mess?

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To babalou and others... The agency does not have custody. They will not seek custody unless I try to remove Mother from the facility to my home without their blessings. I could make the case to them. We cannot afford an attorney to resolve this matter. We have spent alot already. It was worth it but has barely scratched the surface of what needs done. The attorney has said to me, "you don't realize how much work it is having your Mother at home." Yes, I do. It would be a blessing to have her home and alot healthier (diet, moving around - Mom gets yelled out if we go out of her apartment with her walker for exercise) and for me easier than what we go through everyday in a tense situation. The bright spot is the ladies we sit with at meal times.

Regarding other feedback, I became suspicious as to whether Mom was getting medications as prescribed and started to keep track and found that Mom was getting one dosage per day of a certain med when she should have had 2 x per day and another med was given in the morning instead of at night. That Nurse has a real grudge against me and refused to give my Mom medications one day when she asserted we were not in the dining room at breakfast when we were. If she had an issue with me she shouldn't have taken it out on my Mom. She said it was ok because there were no important meds given... only vitamins, etc. This was not true, i.e., blood pressure, heart and the bulk of Mom's meds are in the am. Mom had a backward slide for several days. Before Mom was in personal Care, I gave her meds every day, on time and never ran out or missed a dose.
Regarding falls, Between myself at 16 x 7 hurs and a Nurses Aid 8 x 7 Mom was covered 24 x 7 with us glued to her so she would not fall when she was unstable and confused. Mom is alot better now and we have cut down to myself 12 hours, The Nurses Aid check on her at night every few hours. So far so good and Mom is still improving. When Mom was first placed in PC, she fell 3 times. I investigated and found that it was the Nurses Aid/ Nurse that was unfamiliar with Mom's capacity i.e., putting her in front of the TV in the living room in her wheel chair when she could not navigate herself and needed assistance in or out of the wheelchair and the like. I put up signs and after the third fall we went to 24 x 7 care until now when she is managing without falls with me there 12 x 7 and relying on the floor Nurses Aids to make checks on her at night.

Mother wanted to come home, when the agency asked her she told then she wanted to be home but said she would accept whatever the agency decided. I listen to my mother and agreed that it was whatever mom wanted when I should have brought up our experience there knowing that it was improbable that the facility would change. Other facilities closer to home have been recommended by people from Church and people who have removed there parents to other facilities. To move Mom to another facility where she would be uprooted and still be in a facility doesn't make sense to me when she would be so compfie and loved at home with family.
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"The State Agency of the facility's choice has decided I cannot move mother". What agency? Has that agency got custody?
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daughterlu to Pam Steqma , I did not consider wanting to bring Mom home until outrageous circumstances compelled me to state my desire to bring Mom home. (I haven't mentioned the worst incidents. . .lies, bearing false witness, accusations without investigations or inquiry, discrimination, harassment, retaliation, slander, ...... skipping medications, not following dosage instructions...etc but... I want to keep it general.) When a friend who Mother was close with passed away, she asked me to assist her with everyday tasks. It is a blessing we were given. I stayed on and off with Mother in Independent Living and when she asked me, I started staying with her full time with the cat there also with permission from the facility. I have POA of Health Care. There was no court case, no judge, just the circumstances already stated and a warning not to remove Mother from this facility, but, a suggestion to find another facility. The first matter is to get Mom well and healthy enough to speak up about what she wants. I am with my Mother every day.. I do not have custody, Mother is competent, she is recovering from the falls,injury, phnomonia and loss of awareness and being unable to care for herself. She is coming back to herself. I do not think custody is appropriate. I do not make decisions for her. I have backed off of wanting to bring her home. If she wants to come home to live with me, I would be thrilled. Members of my church often have elderly parents living at home with them in an atmosphere of love. I was in a small group of adult children who were caretakers for their elderly parents. It is a beautiful way of life. My brother and cousin think it is too difficult, that it is for seniors who can't afford to stay in a "senior facility." That is not so - plus there are companies and agencies that offer in-home help with caring for an elderly parent.
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fregflyer

The OP can't move her mom, so she feels her mom is stuck in this facility,which the facility probably knows.
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daughterlu, it sounds like you lost custody in court for unknown reasons. Yes, as an Ombudsman, I can only represent the patient, not family. And I can only work with the legally appointed guardian, not the relatives or POA removed by the judge. So sorry.
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Thank you to everyone who sent an answer. It seems something very basic got almost too complicated to state all the facts. A state agency of the facilities choice has decided that I cannot move Mother out of Personal Care to my home or an alternate facility without going through them.

Problems complained of to staff:

1. The facility forcing the use of Mother's Medicare funds for 2016 allocated for Physical Therapy, etc. when she did not need it and/or when she had an un-diagnosed medical problem leaving her too weak to participate ... and now going without those funds when needed. Do I have to wait until 2017?

Also Mother was injured by the facility in Physical Therapy, she fell out of bed at the hospital and broke her nose, she was placed in the facilities Health Care center and caught pnomonia, the doctor they assigned refused to treat her, the facility wanted me to use their team of Physical Therapists that injured mother in the first place, they blocked me from getting an onsite private group that other residents used.

I used an Ombudsman to help straighten out some problems in Mother's shopping cart filled with problems but the Ombudsman could not get involved where another state agency has taken jurisdiction over a matter. Ombudsmen are mediators. I used an attorney for matter complained about myself. He keeps telling me we won except for my moving my Mother to the home my son and I share. I was trying to straighten out basic problems such as missed medications, lack or stinginess of filled water glasses or other drinks at meal times, meals that would start a prison riot if served in prison, threats to residents from staff such as "I want to hit ( or kill) someone (meaning a resident)". . . Answers appreciated . . , will write more after feedback on these questions.
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To resolve this, all 3 of you, brother and cousin need to be on the same page. In assisted living mom needs to be able to get to meals. Can she do that? If she is in serious decline where you have to be there everyday, it sounds more like she needs nursing home care. Talk it over. I think you are getting burned out by going there every day.
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If you are not happy with the care that your Mother is receiving, then it would be best to look around for a new facility.

Please note, it is not usual for someone your Mom's age to fall out of bed... that is what elders do. They also fall out of chairs, and fall just walking across the room even if using a walker. So unless your Mom had a private caregiver glued to her, this is going to happen.

I know you want to be with your Mother as much as you can. But spending a lot of time means your Mom would be depending on only you to help her, and not letting the Staff take care of her. Could be after you leave, the Staff finds it difficult to manage your Mom.

My own Mom was in long-term-care, and any time the Staff came in to do something for my Mom, I would either step aside or step out of the room. I found my Mom was falling a lot, getting scratches and bruises, but I never said anything to the Staff because I knew that was very normal for my Mom's type of illness. So anytime I went to the Staff in a panic [which was far and few between], they knew the panic was urgent, and they helped me immediately.
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1. Why is your mom in AL?

2. What does mom want to do? Where does she want to live?

If mom wants to move somewhere else, she can do so.
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It sounds very disturbing. I think I might get an attorney considering they are making claims against you. I'd explore what implications this may have as well as your options. Is there an ombudsman involved?

Is your mother still competent. I think I read you say that she does not have dementia. Is that right? So, what is keeping her there is she wants to leave? She should be able to make her own decisions if she's still competent. Does the county have custody of her? Maybe, there is something I am missing.
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