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I agree that this should be reported. Each state provides the phone numbers on line. You mention your mother has control of the money. A judge can rule her unfit and that can also be changed so it can be used for your father. Adult or child, when you see the abuse, whether verbal or physical, needs to be acted upon for the benefit of the person who is the victim. You may be the person who needs to call if your friend won't. There are two abusers in that house, not just one. The father needs to be removed to a safe, caring facility.
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It sounds to me like it's time to call the APS and report the incident. As mentioned here, it's illegal and even immoral to abuse any human being, even the elders. Whoever is not saying something and addressing the issue is just as bad as the abuser and they can get in trouble if they're found out to know the abuse is going on and they do nothing to stop it. Knowing something and doing nothing to stop it may also have other circumstances such as fear of punishment and retaliation behind it, but reports can be that made anonymously.
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I agree with the others who believe that the mother also is exhibiting signs of dementia. Increasing meanness like this can easily be the result of dementia. So much is wrong with this situation, the authorities really needed to be called in, either by the friend, or maybe by you.
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It is not only cruel to physically and/or emotionally abuse a person living with dementia, it is also against the law. I strongly urge you call 911 and report the abuser officially to the police. The abuser should be prosecuted. If you don't, you are breaking the law by aiding and abbéding the abuser also, and you too should be prosecuted. The police will then get Adult Protective Services involved on a priority basis. The person living with dementia needs the same level of protection that small children have, need, and require. A child abuser and a abuser of a person living with dementia are the lowest of all low life's. The common street thug is a saint compared to those abusers.
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The friend's father's story is heartbreaking. This is cruelty that has developed through the wife's resentment of old age and contempt for its limitations, coupled with her championing of her difficult son which has now crossed from being defensive to become perverse. Poor man.

Wife and son need to be made to look at their own behaviour afresh. If they won't or can't, respectively, the vulnerable elderly gentlemen must be removed from their care. I hope the sisters find the courage and the support to get it done: it's for the best.
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Your friend is required by law to report the abuse she believes is going on. If dad is removed from the home, he does have a place to go. That is the job of social workers with Adult Protective Services. If friend wants dad closer, then tell APS of that option. Will also reduce risk of brother coming after dad.

And I suspect mom also is having a cognitive decline or she feels trapped and needs bro because she cannot do it all herself.
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Thank you for the response. I agree with you. I have told my friend it probably happened before snd most likely will happen again. Her mom controls the money snd is emotionally closer to her son than to her husband. It's pretty dysfunctional. I doubt mom will turn on son snd think either APS will have to be called or an intervention with all 3 siblings insisting dad go to s care facility. It's clear to me that even if son leaves house, her mom will be mean and bitter to husband.
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This is a bad situation that your friend needs to address.

While I was reading what you wrote about the son kicking dad in the behind I thought, "maybe the dad's dementia is making that up" until I read that the mom admitted to it. This likely isn't the first time this son has abused his father and it likely won't be the last.

If your friend needs answers then she should call Adult Protective Services. Your friend can't sit around doing nothing while her dad is being harmed out of fear of offending family members. The dad's wellbeing has to come first. If that means Jr. is sent packing then so be it. The father deserves to be safe in his home.

Although placement in a long term care facility might be more beneficial for the father since his wife sounds like a loon and incapable of caring for him.
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Personally, I think Dad is not the only one with dementia problems. Mom is not with it. She needs to call 911 when there is an assault. The fact that she doesn't shows she is not playing with a full deck.
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