A friend recently visited her parents. Her 92 year old dad has beginning dementia but is unable to drive now and is pretty forgetful. She observed her mother, his caregiver, being continuously critical and mean to her dad. Her dad seemed to be in pain when he stood up from a sitting position. She asked what was wrong. Her dad replied that his adult son, who has always lived at home and is in his 50's, kicked him in the rear end. When she confronted her mom, the mom made excuses for the son and said he didn't kick him that hard. She, and I, are very worried about her dads well being. The mom who has some medical problems, relies heavily on the son for driving, emotional support, etc. my friends brother has some kind of personality disorder and is over 300 lbs. My friend wanted to take her dad for an exam to see how hurt he was but her mom objected. She didn't do it and now greatly regrets it. The mother absolutely will not kick the brother out and between the two of them they seem to be blaming the dad for his dementia. They complain he can no longer do home repairs and say he's pretending that he had forgotten how to get his own lunch. My friend wants to have her dad attend a daily adult day care, but the mom refuses bc it costs money. My friend wanted to take her dad home with her for a week but the mom refused. My friend would even have her dad live with her but again, the mom refuses to acknowledge there is a problem. Plus, the dad himself doesn't want to leave his home and thinks his wife is going to take care of him. It is heartbreaking. My friend does not know how to proceed. Should she report her brother? If he is removed from the home he had no where to go snd her mom would never speak yo her again. She also worries the brother may go back and take it out on the father. She believes her brother is dangerous. The mom says 'she can keep him under control' but I think this situation is a ticking time bomb. Please advise. My friend and her family live in California about 400 miles from each other. She has 2 sisters in other states who have also witnessed the meanest towards her dad from the mom, but no one wants to pull rank in the mom who pretty much rules the roost. If dad is removed from home thru worry he will decline more rapidly and pine away for his wife.
I'm sorry for the son's affliction, I'm sorry for his mother's having to face this, and I'm sorry that the family has been forced into a crisis. But if it results in the father being well cared for and the mother being better supported, then I can't be sorry about that. Please update, hope your friend is coping okay.
I forgot to mention that if you wait, you never know that a broken bone might not become infected, you know, and internal infection for untraded broken bones that happen to not start healing right. Waiting too long could put the patient at risk for needing surgery on a broken bone. Don't put the patient at further risk by waiting, his life is at risk. The sooner you can get this taken care of the better. I'm not sure exactly how old he is, but I guess that doesn't matter near as much as giving someone the ultimatum:
* before bringing the patient home from the hospital, that son must go or that dad can't come home.
If the son won't leave, it may be time to do one of two things:
* Involve the cops to force him out so that the elderly dad can come home
* Move the elderly dad to a safe location
Reporting this to the hospital will get you some leverage and a well needed help you may not otherwise get. Hospitals are very powerful where suspicious activity is involved. By taking immediate steps to get the elderly patient to the ER as opposed to urgent care, you have more power behind you at your fingertips just by entering the department. If you taken by squad, they can bypass waiting in the lobby, and they can prevent him from suffering any further. What I would do if I were you is get him in a laying down position to the pressure off his tailbone until help arrives to take him to the ER. Make sure the paramedics lay him down but prop up his legs, specifically under the lower legs but paying special attention to propping his legs under the knees. I'm not sure that they might not see fit to go ahead and use the backboard, I'm not sure about putting him on the backboard for a broken tailbone. I broke my tailbone when I was 13 but was never taken to the doctor. I broke mine are falling down repeatedly on my tailbone on a concrete floor learning to rollerskate with two skates as opposed to one. I was afraid to tell the house parent at the group home for fear I would get in trouble, I was bullied at the group home anyway. I still do have some trouble with my tailbone and I highly suspect that I may have broken it at 13. It took a long time to heal, and I know how painful it is to sit especially on hard seating as opposed to soft seating. I know what to do when I sit too long and my tailbone hurts, I just go to my Tempur-pedic bed and lay down, elevating my legs as I described to you on behalf of the patient who desperately needs medical help. If I were you, I would not take him to a small hospital in a small town. I would take him to a big hospital that has more options to do more for him and help him more. If you taken by squad though, they may have to take him to the nearest hospital before transferring him at your request or the doctor's. Definitely discuss this option with the paramedics and the ER staff. You can tell dispatch to have the squad come quietly with no sirens as not to scare the patient. Sirens can be upsetting to any patient, and some areas may allow early siren cut off right before approaching the scene, leaving only the lights on and they just pull right up to where they're dispatched. The hospital will be able to do far more for this patient than urgent care (who may end up sending him to the hospital anyway).
You really don't want to wait in case this elder has a broken bone that could easily cause other problems. Please don't wait, take him now to the ER. He really needed medical attention when this first happened why when you first found out, which ever came first. The longer you wait, the less likely that will heal properly, and the more problems it will cause because the bone is not likely to heal and could shift farther out of line if it's broken. Since this is his tailbone, be sure to bring up to your intake nurse to be very careful what kind of bed they put him on and that you need a thicker mattress because you suspect a broken bone. A nice thick mattress will conform to better support and conform to the body. When the nurse takes you back to the room, they'll most likely prop up the head of the bed. Ask if the gurney has an adjustment to raise the patients knees a little bit while propped up in bed. If it has an adjustment for that, most likely adjust that for the patient until they're comfortable. For safety purposes, use the side rails and stay with him. If they have wheelchairs inside the lobby area where you enter the ER, take him inside from the car in a wheelchair. It may also be better off on him if you just take him by squad because they have the stretcher and they'll carry him for you. Just tell the responders what happened and who did it. Just tell them what you told us here
Anything with caffeine will each calcium from your bones, causing osteoporosis at some point. It was recently found that even Coca-Cola is voluntarily pulling products off of store shelves. Someone found and shared a link to a video revealing the real truth about the damaging effects of Coca-Cola on the skeletal system and how it causes skeletal damage and even osteoporosis. Most people who responded in the comments section on social media are relieved Coca-Cola is pulling products off of store shelves, and now that I saw the eye-opening video, so am I, especially as an arthritic
Do you think they have the money for living without the son? It sounds like the dad living with the daughter is the best idea and she should threaten to report them unless they allow that. Just take the Dad and dare them to object.
I don' mean to be flippant, it is not easy to talk about these things. You don't want to cast aspersions I believe you have presented it fairly to all concerned. Could be other factors at work not visible, like maybe the son really does a lot, but even so, something is wrong here.
I have a smidgen of sympathy for the wife. She is not really fit to be his caregiver. And she's probably 90 or at least 80 herself!
Someone needs to look at their money situation, and FORCE Mom to accept some in-home help, or pay for adult day care for Dad.
It's easy to tell people what to do when we don't have to deal with the emotional fall-out. Ask the other siblings how they would feel if brother knocks Dad down, maybe by accident, and he breaks a hip and dies. Choose which horrible situation you want to face -- a big fight with Mom and Brother, or the premature death or injury to Dad. I'm not sure which I would choose!
Unfortunately the next required by law step is for APS to do a follow up.
This part was a nightmare for me as my situation is different and there is no abuse.
The long and the short is one call to the police for a well being check will trigger the APS visit. Possibly ending in your friend's father being moved.