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My mom has short term memory loss due to a brain anerysm in 2001. She has lived with my husband and I since 2009 after my Dad passed away. We have two children. I struggle with feelings of guilt and resentment. I understand that these feelings may be normal for any age group but I was just wondering if there was anyone out there in my (our) same situation.

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My husband is still in US but we moved back to Japan to live with Dementia MIL. It's very hard to survive day by day but I've called in every angle of help. Watching the Teepa Snow videos has helped a lot to know how to deal with her issues, making life a little more peaceful in this house. However, I totally understand the resentment. They lose out a lot while she gives little in return. My friends rightfully say it's a good life lesson for my boys, 7 and 10, to see how the family, namely me, is caring for their grandmother. It is teaching them to be more compassionate and caring. Take one day at a time and pat yourself of the back. You're doing a wonderful thing there!!
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Thank You all so so so very much for your stories. It is so nice to know that I do not ride this boat alone. I mean I knew that we didn't but I knew most people in my situation are at least 20yrs older than me and their kids have grown. I have had such resentment that my kids have to grow up in this situation. Your stories help and this website helps and am very greatful for both.
situation. It is definitely not how I envisioned raising my family.
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My mother moved in with me over a year ago. I have two children 13 and 15. My mother is immobile and I can no longer go anywhere. I didn't get to see my son play any of his basketball games, etc. My mother can be rather "outspoken" at times. Unfortunately this has caused the grandchildren to avoid her. I feel caught in the middle all of the time and I feel trapped. I also feel like I do not have any time for my children (which I don't). It's rough...very rough.
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I have been in your shoes and they pinched when I walked. I had a preschooler and a second grader when my mother moved in with my husband and I. On a shoestring budget with me not working we took it one day at a time. I still feel guilty sometimes about how much my children endured and missed out on during the time we took care of Mom. We eventually were able to move her to a NH. She passed last Deceember. It is much easier for me now to look back at the choices I made and let the guilt and resentment go. It was the disease that made our life so hard, not my mom. It just used her body. My Mom was a wonderful person. We did the best we could in a rough situation and I know that even though it wasn't a good time for any of us, it improved the people that we are. Hang in and don't give up.
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My mother is in an independent living/continuing care facility. Everyday I thank the stars that she can cover the costs, because even though she doesn't live with us, the responsibility and caregiving that has to happen impacts our family life and is a constant weight on my shoulders. It makes me sad that our family life isn't what it could be, but I also hope it shows good modeling of how families care for each other in times of need. Like SGulbin's dad, my mother is very negative, but on certain things I go ahead and take action even if she resists. I also try to remind myself that her attitude is not my responsibility nor is it a reflection of me, because it can be really hurtful sometimes. My siblings and I didn't step in until she ended up in the hospital on numerous occasions. We finally came to grips with the fact that she doesn't have the cognitive skills to make safe decisions about certain things.
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I'm in the same boat and I feel your pain. My kids are 19, 16, 15, and 11 and they go through caregiver stress and frustration too.
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My father had a stroke at age 66, that was 10 1/2 years ago. My youngest was 18 months old. She just turned 12. We use a local N.H. for respite care or hire someone to stay with him in home for Vacations and weekends. I know not everyone has the money to do those things but it is important to me an my three kids to have a normal a life as we can. Good luck and take care.
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I have been taking care of my dad for over a year now since my mom passed away. He is 82, unsteady on his feet and incapable of cooking, cleaning or anything really. He is also a very difficult man who criticizes everything and complains constantly. I am an only child, married with a 12 year old son. I am not able to bring in any outside help at this time because the house is unfit and my father will not allow me to fix anything or even clean. I go there every day with food and I am the only person he sees besides seeing my son and husband occasionally. It is extremely difficult and I resent not having time for myself. During my limited free time my mind is always stressing about my situation and what the future holds as his condition gets worse. It's not easy and I understand your feelings completely.
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